Am I greedy, or was my friend out of order?

[SummaLuvin]

Went out to dinner last night with a group friends (8 of us in total some single some with partners) all lovely, great to have a catch up. One of them, Milly, is a bit difficult at times, but she is part of the group and can be thoughtful and great fun. When it came to ordering puds some of the group got one, some didn’t, DH and I decided to get the sharing plate with 3 mini desserts. For clarity we always split the bill based on what we ordered. When our dessert was put down between DH and me with 2 spoons, Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert. I was a bit shocked as this wasn’t discussed. Then cue Milly, who couldn’t reach the plate saying “oooh banoffee is my favourite dessert, I really love it…” I of course made sure I ate that up so she didn’t get a look in, but let her have some of the strawberry cheesecake which I wasn’t fussed on. I generally see myself as quite laid back but felt this behaviour was pretty outrageous and not on, but given she was so brash about it I wondered if maybe I was uptight and greedy?

“Ignorant” is also commonly used as “ignorant of manners”, in my experience… I’ve also heard people called “pig ignorant” for having no manners!

Ignorant to me means either not knowledgeable about something or not acknowledging something and therefore being ignorant to it.

If you were talking to someone for example, and they were ignoring you, would you not say, ‘’stop being ignorant?’’

How has this friendship group come about ? She sounds like a PITA, is she someones partner in the group and therefore someone that has appeared and not been chosen?

I have a friend and after a decade she met and married a man that I really don’t like spending time with. So we see each other less now. She lives about an hour away, I passed her area a few days ago, in the past I would have popped in if she was free but these days I just don’t and don’t mention I have been passing.

If you were talking to someone for example, and they were ignoring you, would you not say, ‘’stop being ignorant?’’

No, I would say "stop ignoring me" 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is more than one way of wording things, though. I’ve definitely heard loads of people call someone who refuses to acknowledge something as ignorant, but perhaps it’s more of a regional thing. I’ve learned something new today, it seems 🤣

Cool

This whole story and the lack of reaction from OP at the time seems so far fetched.

Thanks @AndImBrit
I'd previously checked it in the Cambridge - I admire your persistence in checking other sources!
It seems that some of the people attacking those who know that words can have more than one meaning are being ignorant in both senses of the word, which might be where the second meaning of ignorant originated!

It always amuses me when some posters correct the use of the word ignorant.
Ironically they are ignorant of the word also to mean rude and become quite ignorant in their responses when it's pointed out 🙂

Cos that's how the vipers roll dear 😂

You need to be more upfront OP - cFs only survive because people don't stand up to them.... sorry milly we are not up for sharing. End of conversation.

How has this friendship group come about ? She sounds like a PITA, is she someones partner in the group and therefore someone that has appeared and not been chosen?

Friends at school, and decades later still friends. She isn't a +1 or partner. She can be a PITA, and perhaps is the hardest work of everyone, but it's easy to paint someone badly when only sharing a single interactions, in a wider context she can be also a good friend. It would feel cruel to exclude her.

Was she confused by three puds, so in her CF scheme of things it was one each, therefore one was going begging?

Whatever, it was unacceptable behaviour from her.

I don't think I could get worked up about sharing a dessert tbh unless I didn't like the person or they had form for being cheap

For heaven’s sake, OP. This, like about 60% of what’s on here, is a ‘Use your words’ situation. It’s not wildly unusual for big tables where not everyone is ordering dessert to share, and for the waiters to bring extra spoons to facilitate this. If you were only prepared to share with your DH and someone misunderstood, your choice was either to say so or to deal with the consequences. If a fellow adult burst into tears because you didn’t let her eat your banoffee, that’s on her.

Her default manipulation strategy is crying??? Wow.

Avoid

Does she get out much? Because the only explanation I can think of is that she's never actually met a 'sharing plate' idea before and assumed that a 'sharing platter' is for EVERYONE who wants to, to dig into. The fact it was put between your DH and you and only two spoons might not have registered...

Is she, basically, as thick as mince?

Ignorant of what?

I think this is seen as rude in the UK. In other countries they like to share stuff. I say this having lived abroad and having married a European Indian. Whatever we order when we're with his family, will be shared, including main course. It took some getting used to!
Is she British?

I think it's different if you have big sharing platters on the table. This was an individual order, and people were paying separately.

"I'm sure there is plenty more in the kitchen, Milly".

Unless she paid for it then that is cheeky!! Unless you offered to share.

I remember getting fish and chips from the canteen and in the staff room a colleague got up and came over and said I’m pinching one of your chips and took one from my plate without me offering. I was a bit annoyed as the portion was tiny and I had paid for it and she just helped her self without even asking. I’d never take food from someone’s plate.

@Bikergran fyi mumsnet is apparently going to start banning people who quote the op for absolutely no reason at all - just a heads up.

When she asked for an extra spoon I would’ve asked “why, what have you ordered?”

I’m afraid this is on you for sharing the cheesecake. You managed to keep everything else away from her before giving her your cast offs.