Am I greedy, or was my friend out of order?

[SummaLuvin]

Went out to dinner last night with a group friends (8 of us in total some single some with partners) all lovely, great to have a catch up. One of them, Milly, is a bit difficult at times, but she is part of the group and can be thoughtful and great fun. When it came to ordering puds some of the group got one, some didn’t, DH and I decided to get the sharing plate with 3 mini desserts. For clarity we always split the bill based on what we ordered. When our dessert was put down between DH and me with 2 spoons, Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert. I was a bit shocked as this wasn’t discussed. Then cue Milly, who couldn’t reach the plate saying “oooh banoffee is my favourite dessert, I really love it…” I of course made sure I ate that up so she didn’t get a look in, but let her have some of the strawberry cheesecake which I wasn’t fussed on. I generally see myself as quite laid back but felt this behaviour was pretty outrageous and not on, but given she was so brash about it I wondered if maybe I was uptight and greedy?

Yes it does, in the UK. Most dictionaries give the "rude" definition second as a UK informal meaning. This is a platform where informal language is acceptable.
G'wan, have a Google!

Why use the word incorrectly then?

Unless the portions were teeny tiny, I’d have let her have a spoonful.

There’s a lot of weird stuff in online dictionaries, of which this is a good example.

Well I think you're unreasonable to share three mini desserts! At our local restaurant that's for one person only ... Meeee!!

of course i do
i am not ignorant unlike some posters here

she was ignorant of the etiquette!

I've always felt using ignorant to mean rude is wrong. My parents and grandparents said it and it confuses me still. Ignorant of something=you don't know something.

how to derail a thread @Mudkipper
are you Milly?
or just a condescending know it all?

Ignorant people can be rude but it is not a synonym of rude.

i wasnt using it as a synonym of rude

ignorance is bliss
help yourself to other people's cakes

🙄

Why are you so fixated on an innocuous comment? She was ignorant about the correct behaviour and of how OP might have felt about her muscling in on her dessert. It might not have occurred to her how rude she was being, therefore that is ignorant as she is IGNORING how she might be coming across. It’s weird how you’re trying to showcase some sort of superiority over a word that has no real significance to anything 🤣

She can be sensitive too, and I didn't want to be abrupt and change the mood for everyone else given we don't see each other anywhere near enough!

What you really mean is - she is sensitive when it comes to HER wants and feelings and has zero sensitivity to anyone else's. These people always get described as sensitive and yet they show fck all sensitivity to anyone else's feelings - funny that! It's not rude to just say jokingly "Oi! this is our dessert, lets call the waitress over so you can order one for you if you love banoffee" - there is no way on earth anyone could possibly become offended by that unless they have all the sensitivity of a concrete brick.

Have you read Alice in Wonderland? Words can mean what you want them to mean and in parts of England ignorant certainly means someone who is ignorant of manners.

Those spurious online dictionaries, like the Oxford English Dictionary, the Cambridge Dictionary and the Collins Dictionary (which all say ignorant can mean rude).

This. Just assert yourself.
I sometimes think there's a wet lettuce competition on here!

Also: ignorant does mean rude. That's very commonly used in Scotland.

She was ignorant about the correct behaviour and of how OP might have felt about her muscling in on her dessert.

How do we know that? Perhaps she was fully aware but just didn't care.

True

It's really annoying when people muscle in on your pudding. It's fine to ask about sharing one at the ordering stage, because the other person is free to decline, but not to assume it's OK and ask for a spoon when it arrives. Even if you intend to pay for it, that's still rude - if you don't intend to pay for it, that's even worse.

I quite agree, she is clueless when it comes to other peoples feelings. But when I was doubting if I was right, I really didn't want to deal with her crying - which very likely would have happened if she was called out even in the nicest way - and then have 2 of the other girls have to 'console' her. Even if I was in the right it's not the mood you want, I guess in the moment I decided the lesser evil was her getting some of the pud I didn't like.

Either way she was rude to expect the OP to share.

Totally get that but crying is incredibly manipulative - it's not being sensitive, it's a strategy and where does it end? - will she cry because you dont give her money? will she cry because you dont take on her on holiday with you?

Why is everyone enabling this woman and infantilising her as if she's a 7 year old throwing a tantrum?