Am I greedy, or was my friend out of order?

[SummaLuvin]

Went out to dinner last night with a group friends (8 of us in total some single some with partners) all lovely, great to have a catch up. One of them, Milly, is a bit difficult at times, but she is part of the group and can be thoughtful and great fun. When it came to ordering puds some of the group got one, some didn’t, DH and I decided to get the sharing plate with 3 mini desserts. For clarity we always split the bill based on what we ordered. When our dessert was put down between DH and me with 2 spoons, Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert. I was a bit shocked as this wasn’t discussed. Then cue Milly, who couldn’t reach the plate saying “oooh banoffee is my favourite dessert, I really love it…” I of course made sure I ate that up so she didn’t get a look in, but let her have some of the strawberry cheesecake which I wasn’t fussed on. I generally see myself as quite laid back but felt this behaviour was pretty outrageous and not on, but given she was so brash about it I wondered if maybe I was uptight and greedy?

Absolutely! I'd just about share my dessert with my husband - certainly not with an unrelated third party.

CatrionaBalfour

Agreed. Most responses on MN ask why the Poster didn’t assert themselves/ say something and deal with a situation at the time.
Instead write pages and pages of justifications for inaction.

She was a CF.

She sounds very manipulative. Well done for not letting her have your favourite dessert.

I wouldn’t dream of attempting to share a dessert uninvited. Milly was a cheeky madam!

I’ve said this before to a CF acquaintance who has form for sticking her dessert fork where it doesn’t belong. 🤣🤣

i am wondering if my acquaintance is OP’s Milly because I had her try the “oh would you please bring another spoon?” Knowing it was coming, I asked (wide-eyed) “did they not bring your dessert?” and she was forced to admit that she was planning to taste others’ desserts. I replied that I would decline to participate in the dessert-sharing as everyone knows I’m a germaphobe and the portion size was far too small to share, followed by almost everyone else quickly stating the same, so I think she only ended up “tasting” a single dessert. She is also one of those “I’m not hungry” people who steals all your chips.

i am not sure how comfortable OP is to say something, but then it sounds like she likes her Milly & I do not like mine.

Cheeky fucker 😆

I think you handled it fine by giving her the leftover of the one you disliked. I laughed at you ignoring the comment on how she likes banoffee pie.

I would've been surprised too. It's very weird and rude to jump in on a couple's shared plate without asking. You might well have ordered it with a plan to eat that exactly that much and who wants an extra person's germs in there?

I wouldn't sit next to her again at a dinner.

It sounds like she was both rude and ignorant. I share desserts with family but anyone else would be a huge no-no. And three mini desserts between two isn't much in the first place.

Asking "Can I have a bit?" is CF on its own but at least it's polite CF. This is a whole new level.

It’s a spoonful of chocolate mousse / a sliver of banoffee. I love my friends and eating socially with them - if I’m enjoying what I’m eating I offer them some so they too can enjoy it too.

They could enjoy it too if they ordered their own.

That's not the point. She rudely assumed she could have some & blatantly asked for an extra spoon!

And do your friends order a spoon to dig in to your food without you offering?

I like my friends - it’s a spoonful of food. Not worth a huge stingey drama about. I’d not be that bothered about sharing something I liked - with someone I liked. Business dinner it would be a bit strange - but eating out with pals? No issue at all. I assume they would share what they had with me too - it’s what friends do?

Is the lack of paying a third of a trio of puddings (so a fiver. Tops) the issue?

I think they have and they do? I know I do if I don’t want a full pudding - I had no idea it was such a big thing!

Well now you know! It's rude to get dig into someone else's food without bring offered.

It’s a spoonful of food for one person. What if 3 people decided to share the OPs food? Or 5? So now there’s 7 people all having just “one spoonful” of 3 mini desserts.

I’m more than happy to SHARE a spoonful of a dessert. But that normally means I have a spoonful of theirs as well. It doesn’t become a free for all for mine when they haven’t bothered ordering anything.

The person in the OP did not order a dessert. So there wasn’t any SHARING. She just wanted to have some of the OPs dessert.

And also if I ordered a trio of puddings to myself it’s because I wanted a trio of puddings to myself. Even if someone offered to pay a third/half whatever it wouldn’t matter. If she had ASKED first then the OP could have decided if she wanted to share or not.

I was at a work dinner recently. One staff member said she didn’t fancy a whole dessert and did anyone want to share. Everyone declined because they wanted full desserts. She accepted that and ordered a coffee to herself instead. One person in the end did offer her to try her pudding and she did indeed have one spoonful. But if she had just decided to share the person next to hers dessert when it arrived and said oh don’t worry I’ll pay half then that’s wrong! These things need to be decided beforehand. You wouldn’t just decide to share a friends main course because you weren’t that hungry and then just offer to pay half! If the OP wanted 1/3 of the dessert she would have suggested it to start with. She wanted half!

Jesus you really just start eating other people’s food without even asking first?? How weird!

So many typos 😫
Speed typing and fat fingers, plus not reading before posting 🙈

Ooh, you're giving your age away with that remark 😀 That's a very old-fashioned view.

I think you'll find any modern dictionary includes "discourteous or rude" as an alternative definition for "Ignorant"

There's no beating this one. If you don't work for Take A Break already, @HellDorado , you've missed your calling 😂

You should have simply said “sorry I’m sharing with DH and they’re mini puds so not enough for three”.

In your weirdly uptight world it’s wrong. Mine less so.

No but I’d ask for a spoon and say ‘can I try a bit of yours’ and I would offer my plate to anyone to try a bit if they fancied it. Even if it meant I shock horror paid for a mouthful of food that a friend ate. I also weigh poppadoms, to make sure nobody benefits more than others. Feels like a joyless way to live but you do yours.

Why don’t you ask first though before ordering?

That’s the bit I don’t get. You said if you don’t fancy a full dessert you’ll just ask for a spoon and “dig in” to what your friends have ordered. That’s the bit I find bizarre. You don’t have anything to offer back in that scenario. What if you’re out with 4 friends and only one orders a dessert. The other 4 just sit there and ask for spoons and all start digging in to the one persons dessert because none of them fancied a full dessert!
For me it’s absolutely nothing to do with who pays for it. It’s the fact I ordered a dessert for me because I wanted it. If I wanted to share one I’d have asked around the table if anyone wanted to.