Am I greedy, or was my friend out of order?

[SummaLuvin]

Went out to dinner last night with a group friends (8 of us in total some single some with partners) all lovely, great to have a catch up. One of them, Milly, is a bit difficult at times, but she is part of the group and can be thoughtful and great fun. When it came to ordering puds some of the group got one, some didn’t, DH and I decided to get the sharing plate with 3 mini desserts. For clarity we always split the bill based on what we ordered. When our dessert was put down between DH and me with 2 spoons, Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert. I was a bit shocked as this wasn’t discussed. Then cue Milly, who couldn’t reach the plate saying “oooh banoffee is my favourite dessert, I really love it…” I of course made sure I ate that up so she didn’t get a look in, but let her have some of the strawberry cheesecake which I wasn’t fussed on. I generally see myself as quite laid back but felt this behaviour was pretty outrageous and not on, but given she was so brash about it I wondered if maybe I was uptight and greedy?

It’s not just about cake on here, though. Mn is disproportionately inhabited by posters who are always looking sideways to check that no one is getting more than them, whether it’s dessert or invitations from the Alpha Mummy Clique, or little Sophie and Jack getting less attention from their grandparents than nasty SIL’s little Charlotte and Arlo.

I mean, I have no difficulty imagining someone doing a lot of tutting and sighing while calculating how much the nefarious friend owes for her 1/3 of the dessert trio.

The key phrase here is 'I offer them some'

I mean, I have no difficulty imagining someone doing a lot of tutting and sighing while calculating how much the nefarious friend owes for her 1/3 of the dessert trio.

But it’s really not about the money is it? Have you seen a mini trio of desserts? They’re small. Not normal sized. Often barely 2-3 spoonfuls as it is. So if a couple is already sharing and then a third person starts digging in (and oh they just HAVE to try them all as they all look sooo nice) you’re left with about one spoon yourself. That’s the point. If I order a dessert it’s because I want it. Not because I want half or a third or eight tenths of it. If the person who wants to try it or share it wants to, they need to ASK first before ordering it. Then the person ordering can decide if they are happy to share or not. It really isn’t complicated.

When out with friends sometimes I order for myself only. Sometimes we all decide to order different things and we’ll all share. Sometimes I don’t fancy anything but ASK if someone minds me trying something. Or I’ll ask if anyone wants to share as we’re looking at the menus.
If I order an apple pie worth £10 I want to eat it. I don’t want to only eat half even if someone gives me a fiver unless it’s been pre agreed beforehand that that’s what we’ll do. And if any of my friends said oh I really don’t fancy a dessert could I have a bite of yours BEFORE we ordered I would happily say yes. But ASK first! Because I don’t want 3 people suddenly digging their spoons into my apple pie even if they all give me a pound each!

Maybe she thought you ordered the three to include her when you said you would share? If not, it was presumptuous but I wouldn't have said anything. It seems too petty to me.

Spin on playing the spoons.

Sorrt l could not resist.

Get dome mew friends.

She definitely did not think that! She wasn't consulted in any way. If she did think that she must be batshit

Ignorant can mean unaware or uninformed of social etiquette or good manners; which seems quite fitting here.

Why split hairs? We all knew what she meant.

fwiw, I think the friend was probably a bit tipsy and thought she was being cute asking for access to the banoffee pie. I don't think you can like your friend much if you begrudge her a bite.

I'd be happy to share food off the same plate with my husband or a child of mine. Anyone else? No.

Sharing plates are designed for groups of diners. Three girlfriends and I often get the sharing plate - all the tastes, fewer calories! Not sure why you are so uptight.

Uptight? Okay.

If I were sharing with a friend, I'd expect us to eat off separate plates - not the shared plate. If you're happy to share off the same plate with a friend by mutual agreement, then that's fine.

A lot of pendants about tonight...

You are a better person than me, I would not have shared even a morsel.

In that situation I'd have said something like "keep your thieving mits off" and laughed. In a way that she couldn't take offence but got the message. I personally hate it when we eat out and people think it's ok to dig their fork into my food. Who wants to eat someone else's spit!

@WhoMeMissYesYouMiss

Lots of pendants. Lots of necklaces too.

Pedants. Damn autocorrect. 😂

What a massive opening post for such a small issue. I mean yeah she’s a cheeky bitch, definitely but you gave in and let her do it, issue over 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would have told her to get her own! Don't sit by her next time. She is a CF.

My God people on here seem to think that Milly started WWIII! it's only a couple of bites of dessert. Have nothing better to moan about?

Have you been on MN before?