DP’s messages in group chat - do I confront him?

[PollyJH]

Feeling a bit upset/unsure what to do currently. I have a close friend who is going through a rough time with her partner (pretty much on brink of splitting up). He, my DP and a couple of other friends’ partners have become matey over the years and are in a group chat together.

Here’s the issue. My friend has had recent suspicions that her partner is ‘playing away’, and at the suggestion of another friend, went through his phone. He was on a work call whilst it was charging in another room, so no risk of him walking in.

She didn’t find any evidence of him messaging other women, but did go through recent messages in the group chat I mentioned above.

She took photos of different exchanges and sent them to me. These involve my DP using some really inappropriate terms when discussing other women, including members of our wider friend group - two in particular that are single. We met up as a group last weekend which is likely why it was a recent discussion.

One of the two, he said he ‘wouldn’t ride her into battle’ and the other one, he said (quoted exactly) ‘she must be a shit shag because I’ve never known anyone with a body like that to be single for that long’ followed by laughing emoji’s.

I’ve literally found this out this afternoon and DP is not back from work yet. Do I say anything? It will possibly give away that my friend has been snooping on her partner and I don’t want to cause any issues for her. But at the same time,
i’m really upset about how my DP described my two friends.

No they don't pay. Night clubs are great pick up places

It's still not the op doing it.

It's still not the vast majority of cheater's wives & partners.

As I said, male cheaters and sleazes choose well.
They don't choose women who are like them.
Seen it a hundred times.

It's ironic how cool girl you think you are, when you're actually patently naive and have no grasp of human nature..

I know a lady 90 this year. Married at 20. Had her first orgasm at 44. Not with her husband. Had an affair with a married man. She said Cosmopolitan was an eye opener sex wise but believed she must be frigid until this man appeared in her life. Her husband did find out. It broke him.

At 90 she doesn't regret the affair but the fact her lover died. She keeps his photo by the bed.

Another imperfect woman.

You're like the queen of irrelevant anecdotes.

Cool girl, that's flattering. I'm pushing 70 🤣

Yeah - you can tell. Your thinking is stuck in the past. We’ve moved on. Women are allowed to be successful and don’t have to put up with this stuff. Your views are very, very old fashioned.

Cool girl is like simp for men - it's not a complement at any age.

I've been very successful in my career which was male orientated self employed. Never took any nonsense you had to be tough. But I still think men are the weaker sex. Men like boobs. Me I've always liked buns. First thing I noticed about my future husband was his ass in a pair of jeans. One son inherited the same bum which a sculptor has just used for the third time. It'll be all over the media this year once again 🤣

Yeah. You’re just coming across as the offensive nan now. Your views are almost as old fashioned as the holiday destinations you’ve listed. Not cool.

Also, as an aside, because it has fuck all to do with the op's relationship ...

This is a load of self indulgent twaddle.

She didn't need to cheat on him, she could have left him.

(But I'm guessing she didn't want to lose the benefits of the marriage).

She chose to cheat on him.

There was nothing special or different or sad about it ...she's just another common garden cheat. Justifying her choices and romanticising it.

🤣🤣 if you'd seen me on construction sites using diggers, or at home on tractors, shooting game, on the helm in a yacht race beating a male helmsman you wouldn't be saying that.

Imperfect woman then 😊

Is there a reason you're turning this thread into the "me show".

TMI

But I still think men are the weaker sex

Ah so before it was "imperfect women with imperfect men" - matched because the women are cheaters too.

(Except I've rarely known a cheating man who partnered a cheating woman).

Now, it's that men are the "weaker" sex.

Is that the next excuse for accepting shitty, red flag behaviour from them and plowing on into irreversible commitment?

You haven't understood a word I've written , have you?

Again, why is this the "me show" for you?

Are you off your meds? Seriously?

Can't you just go off and write a boring memoir with all these eye-rolling anecdotes that no one cares about, instead of dropping them all over this thread like an incontinent budgie.

FWIW I think the OPs fiance is a dick.

But seriously you're asking the other poster about making it the me show?🤣

You've posted more on this thread than anyone.

Lovely sunny Sunday afternoons are worth much more than shrilly screeching at posters on an Internet forum.

But carry on with the double standards it's like watching the real housewives of Mumsnet and hugely amusing to watch while cooking the Sunday roast😁

But seriously you're asking the other poster about making it the me show?

What irrelevancies have I shared about myself in this thread??

You're clearly having difficulty understanding the concept of the "me show".

It's such a simple concept that I can only conclude that you must have serious difficulty focusing on doing more than one thing at once .. .so maybe just stick to the Sunday roast, eh.

But carry on with the double standards

What double standards?

Has the op been caught out sleazing over her fiance's brother with her mates, saying she hopes they can get an eye full of him at her wedding, and been rating which of their male friends she'd fuck or not?

Has a friend of hers laughed out loud at the depiction of their relationship as a good one and the op as a good partner to her fiance, and mentioned a lot of skeletons in her closet?

This is not a question to you, cause as I said ....maybe focus on the roast.

It's a rhetorical question for any other posters reading the posts on this thread.

shrilly screeching

Not "bleating"?

How original.

Can’t believe how gullible you lot are 😭

Incontinent budgie 😂 I think SHE'S the 90 year old woman, she doesn't seem to be understanding much about this thread.

I think if you've lived to 90 as an Irish Catholic where divorce was off the table and had a mad few months in the middle of it all but spent the rest of your life as a dutiful daughter, mother, grandmother and great grandmother. You'll be forgiven by St Peter.

As for cleavage, women have throughout history shown off their assets. They well know it's attractive to men and don't worry about it.

That poster has form for this. Like a dog with a bone once they get onto a relationship thread, replying to anyone whose responses don't quite align with them. Once they have decided what the OP should do, they go on and on and on, making their point ad nauseam as if the repetition will beat the OP and all other posters into agreeing with and immediately ending their relationship.

What a grim way to talk about your son