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Original poster

Sister pulled out of organising my hen without telling me fist

220 replies

Drows · 03/04/2025 23:59

Just found out that my sister (moh) has pulled out of planning my hen without telling me first. She messaged the other bridesmaids who are planning the hen and informed them of her decision. And then texted me after.

We are best friends but things have just been weird between us recently. Sister said she felt she needed to protect her mental health and thought taking a step back was best for our relationship. She says she feels like she is putting her heart and soul into my wedding and only being met with animosity and pushback from me. I admit I am demanding and can be exacting but I’m humiliated. I have a lot on my plate. Fiancés step dad is end of life.

Obviously everyone is being understanding and saying all the right things. But we could have figured something to save face. I could have reached out to another bridesmaids and just said “can you take the reins as my sister has had something come up”.

I wish she could have told me first. It makes it look like something very weird is going on between my sister and I.

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 04/04/2025 00:01

It sounds like your sister has reached the end of her tether and wanted to make sure your mutual friends know why she is no longer involved.

Lavender14 · 04/04/2025 00:01

How much time passed between her telling the other bridesmaids and her telling you that she needed to step down?

Xiaoxiong · 04/04/2025 00:03

You say by your own admission you are demanding and exacting - if you reflect on your interactions with her since getting engaged, do you think that could have something to do with things becoming weird between you? If asked, would she possibly have felt unappreciated for the efforts she was trying to make for your wedding?

slipperypenguin · 04/04/2025 00:03

Sounds like you are a nightmare who cares more about your image and what people think about you rather than realising you have probably actually jeopardised your relationship with your sister by pushing her too far. It’s a wedding - one day and honestly no one cares about it as much as you do.

Eenameenadeeka · 04/04/2025 00:04

What exactly are you doing that is being demanding and exacting? Planning a wedding, especially in a helping role like MOH, should be a positive experience, what is happening that is making her feel like she needs to protect her mental health?

Elunajeya · 04/04/2025 00:06

If you’re demanding and exacting, just plan it yourself.

It must have been pretty bad for her to quit.

takealettermsjones · 04/04/2025 00:07

Well, there is something going on between your sister and you. You're being "demanding and exacting" with her and she felt she couldn't put up with you doing that any longer. If you'd had your way and told the bridesmaids something had come up for her, it would have made her out to be the bad guy for pulling out. That's not fair.

Neither your wedding nor your fiancé's mother's husband's health is an excuse to be unpleasant to your own sister.

Hercisback1 · 04/04/2025 00:07

You sound like a nightmare and she's reached the end of her tether.

MyRamona · 04/04/2025 00:07

I admit I am demanding and can be exacting but I’m humiliated

I’m really sorry you’re having a hard time, but this doesn’t sound great, to be honest. What kind of things, if you don’t mind sharing?

brettsalanger · 04/04/2025 00:08

lots of brides turn into arseholes when planning a wedding. You must be one of them. You most likely need to apologise to your sister.

SwornToSilence · 04/04/2025 00:11

If you have a family member in end-of-life care, why not postpone your wedding? You have a lifetime to get married, so why heap this pressure on your partner and his family? If I were your sister and you were exacting and demanding, I'd step back publicly, too. Shame on you

Original poster
Drows · 04/04/2025 00:16

I just probably haven’t expressed as much gratitude as I should have. And I made sister rearrange things I just don’t like the sound of. I have apologised. We normally never fall out

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 04/04/2025 00:16

Your bridal party are supposed to help you at the wedding and perhaps a tiny bit in the lead up to the wedding. They aren’t meant to be your staff. It shouldn't be a big deal that she needs to step back from an active planning role.

DoYouReally · 04/04/2025 00:21

If you are demanding and exacting by your own admission, I would love to hear your sister's description.

There's a limit to the amount of demanding & exacting people can take. Your sister has reached hers.

Avatartar · 04/04/2025 00:22

Sounds like she’s kept potential worry away from you, sorted out someone who can take over and then told you rather than flouncing and leaving you to pull it back together- you need to thank her not moan

CountryMumof4 · 04/04/2025 00:28

Drows · 04/04/2025 00:16

I just probably haven’t expressed as much gratitude as I should have. And I made sister rearrange things I just don’t like the sound of. I have apologised. We normally never fall out

Edited

What exactly have you asked her to rearrange and how have you done it? It sounds like your sister has had a lot to deal with and has reached the end of her tether. Just regroup with the other people going to your hen and collectively organise things. Your relationship with your sister is the most important thing here.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/04/2025 00:31

Organise your own hen do - as you know exactly what you want. simple.

HeddaGarbled · 04/04/2025 00:34

Sounds like you’ve pushed her too far. Let the hen thing drop and try and be more considerate of her time and feelings with all the rest of the wedding stuff from now on.

PinkyFlamingo · 04/04/2025 00:42

Drows · 04/04/2025 00:16

I just probably haven’t expressed as much gratitude as I should have. And I made sister rearrange things I just don’t like the sound of. I have apologised. We normally never fall out

Edited

If you are that much wanting to be in control just organise your own hen

Rachie1973 · 04/04/2025 00:45

You’re not coming over as great right now to be fair.

singlewhitetrashheap · 04/04/2025 00:52

Bridezilla vibes.

Whooowhooohoo · 04/04/2025 01:00

Surely a bridesmaid offered to step in and take the Hen job … if not, it’s prob you at fault not sister

Dery · 04/04/2025 01:06

It’s good that you’re aware that you’re demanding and exacting. That shows good self-awareness. But your behaviour has caused your sister to resign. Your hen and wedding should not be a huge source of stress for anyone. If you’re demanding and exacting, you should either arrange things yourself or pay a wedding planner.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/04/2025 01:09

You sound like my sister was about The Wedding. She was a total nightmare for 2 years, completely backed up by our mother and her very toxic (now ex) best friend. Damaged both of those relationships for a long time.

Then after The Wedding, she fell back to earth with a bump when she realised that The Wedding was the start, not the goal. She expected me to just be there for her and was shocked when I wasnt. Same with our Mother. Moved on now but I would say it took a good 10 years to get to that point.

Worth thinking about.

Italiangreyhound · 04/04/2025 01:09

Please focus on what is important here, your wedding, your sister's mental health and your finance's father and his end of life situation. Think of all these things and not worry about losing face or anything else.

I hope the day will go very well.

Make peace with your sister.

XXXXXXX