Sister pulled out of organising my hen without telling me fist

[Drows]

Just found out that my sister (moh) has pulled out of planning my hen without telling me first. She messaged the other bridesmaids who are planning the hen and informed them of her decision. And then texted me after.

We are best friends but things have just been weird between us recently. Sister said she felt she needed to protect her mental health and thought taking a step back was best for our relationship. She says she feels like she is putting her heart and soul into my wedding and only being met with animosity and pushback from me. I admit I am demanding and can be exacting but I’m humiliated. I have a lot on my plate. Fiancés step dad is end of life.

Obviously everyone is being understanding and saying all the right things. But we could have figured something to save face. I could have reached out to another bridesmaids and just said “can you take the reins as my sister has had something come up”.

I wish she could have told me first. It makes it look like something very weird is going on between my sister and I.

Maybe yr sister should have told you first but im sorry - u sound like hard work

Yep, there is. You're being a bridezilla. Just go out for a meal and a pub crawl with your mates, and stop behaving like you're Paris Hilton.

It seems like your concerns are all about saving face and feeling embarrassed. If you were worried about the breakdown in your relationship with your sister, I'd be more inclined to feel sorry for you.
It also feels a bit like you threw in the terminal illness of fiancé's stepdad as a justification for your exacting standards when really it should be the reason why you don't really care about your upcoming wedding ie much bigger things afoot. Unless, of course, you see it as just another hindrance to your big day.
Your wedding is one day, your marriage is for as long as it lasts but family is forever.

Why are you being demanding and exacting?

its a hen do. Not the G20 Summit

calm down

I think you have your answer.

OP you have no doubt heard of Bridezillas. I assume they don’t realise they are one.
😗😶😑😶
you are demanding and exacting.
you are annoyed that you were not given the opportunity to hide the issue and put up a false narrative to explain why she stepped down to save face.
😶😑😶
you sound very much like image is very important to you. I think you should consider that you are a bit of a bridezilla

If your father in law to be is at end of life the hen nonsense should be the least of your worries.

What strikes me from your post is that you’re far more concerned with your image and being humiliated and how it looks, rather than feeling bad you’ve pushed your sister too far being bridezilla.

no one care half as much about your wedding as you do.

she clearly wants the others to know why she’s no longer planning your hen.

apologise sincerely to your sister and plan your own hen.

I think you need to reflect upon your own behaviour and then maybe speak to your sister about it.

The first thought I would have is “why couldn’t my sister come to me and tell me that it was too much?”

Did she show signs of being under pressure? It sounds like you gave her a role that you shouldn’t have. If you knew you would be so picky and would change everything that she suggests, why didn’t you do it yourself or hire someone? I’ve been in situations where I’ve worked with people and they’ve changed everything and it’s a horrible feeling.

I think she should have told you so that you could make arrangements. She shouldn’t have cancelled and caused confusion but it sounds like she is very very passed off!

You have been so miserable to your sister that she feels she has to back away from your wedding. I think you are humiliated by the wrong issue,

I would organise my own hen but then my own hen do was in a Chinese restaurant. It depends what you want, I don't go for a holiday abroad for instance for my hen do.

I think the fact that you’re main focus here seems to be about being embarrassed in front of your friends instead of the fact that you were so horrendous that your sister who you normally don’t fight with stepped back from being involved says an awful lot about you as a person.

From your post you seem to be more worried about what people think of you over this than your relationship with your sister

This isn't you, is it, @Drows ? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5311936-hen-do-from-hell-is-it-worth-trying-to-fix?page=1

Haha @DoddlesMcDoddle, that’s what I asked in the other thread! 😄

Haha I wondered the same thing!

So did I.

Oh I just returned to this thread to see if there was a connection!

Actually am I imagining it or was there a recent thread from (possibly the sister of the bride??) who was pregnant and didn’t want to go to the Hen as it involved five different themes?

is there a whole set of these? It could be the start of a best seller!!