Sister pulled out of organising my hen without telling me fist

[Drows]

Just found out that my sister (moh) has pulled out of planning my hen without telling me first. She messaged the other bridesmaids who are planning the hen and informed them of her decision. And then texted me after.

We are best friends but things have just been weird between us recently. Sister said she felt she needed to protect her mental health and thought taking a step back was best for our relationship. She says she feels like she is putting her heart and soul into my wedding and only being met with animosity and pushback from me. I admit I am demanding and can be exacting but I’m humiliated. I have a lot on my plate. Fiancés step dad is end of life.

Obviously everyone is being understanding and saying all the right things. But we could have figured something to save face. I could have reached out to another bridesmaids and just said “can you take the reins as my sister has had something come up”.

I wish she could have told me first. It makes it look like something very weird is going on between my sister and I.

To save face? In front of your best friends?

You sound like a bridezilla

you don't sound that bothered, but I hope that you're DS is OK.

The world does not revolve around you and your wedding, you are being a proper selfish bridezilla and you need to have a word with yourself

Personally I think she did the right thing by letting the other bridesmaids know first, as it will obviously fall to them to pick up the slack.

Why should they?

Why can't the bride organise her hen do. It never used to be for others to organsie, so how about a bit of retro?

It seems to me that being asked to be MOH is a bit of a poisoned chalice.

Honestly, some brides get this weird attitude that they are the first people in the history of people to get married.
Yes, it's a big deal for you, but for I'd say 90% of the attendees, it's an obligation to get through.

Apologise to your sister - she's not in the wrong here.

I completely sympathise with your sister. I've been in a similar scenario, where it was up to me to arrange multiple hen do's for a high maintenance bride.

This isn't just making arrangements, it's the keeping track of money, the pressure of how happy the bride will be, making sure timings align etc. It's HARD WORK and I don't think I got a thank you for the months of preparation that went into the planning.
Ive made it clear that I will never do this again, it's not worth the stress. Just be happy that your other bridesmaids are involved in the planning and don't fall out with your sister over it.

It doesn't really matter does it? She's just explaining to everyone that she's no longer organising it. It's better this way.

The bride should be doing it yes. But it appears in this instance that the bridesmaids have been tasked with it. So I was clearly responding to the OPs particular circumstances…

Why not organise it yourself? Then you can be as demanding and exacting as you like - and not make someone else rearrange things they already may have spent a lot of time organising. Sounds as though your sister is only being sensible (though probably should never have taken it on in the first place).

Exactly!

Prizing your image over relationships and how you actually treat other people, your sister in this case, is what caused this, OP.

And now here you are still worried more about your image and 'what people will think' rather than about the mental health challenges being faced by your sister ... much of it due to your behaviour!

I admit I am demanding and can be exacting

well you bloody shouldn’t be, especially when someone is doing you a massive favour, like organising a whole event, for you, in your honour, as part of your wedding celebrations.

You know that you have been over demanding and relentless. You need to just go and speak to your sister apologise and just say you’re overwhelmed with everything it will work itself out. But you need to keep your eye on the ball and the ball is your marriage which starts after the wedding to your future husband not the faff in between.

You're high maintenance and she can't be doing with it.

Dial back the hen and organise it yourself.

"I admit I am demanding and can be exacting."

"I just probably haven’t expressed as much gratitude as I should have. And I made sister rearrange things I just don’t like the sound of."

Your own words have summed it up. You are a complete bridezilla and your poor sister has had enough.

Make peace with your sister and arrange your own hen do.

I wonder if i'm missing a gene or something, but for the life of me i can't understand how some brides turn into such arses over their weddings. It's ONE DAY. It should be about making a commitment to your partner, and the start of your married life together. It doesn't need thousands of pounds spent on hen dos, 'destination' weddings, big fuck-off cakes, money grabbing poems or huge stress and family fall outs.

Get married, don't get married. Whatever. But don't destroy your closest relationships in the process and lose sight of reality.

Fair play to her for looking after her mental health. You must have been pretty bad for her to do that. Maybe take a little look at yourself and your behaviours so it doesn't get passed on to someone else who has to deal with your ingratitude and demands.

If you're happy for wedding planning to take over your life just now that perfectly understandable. However, it doesn't mean that it should take over anyone else's. Your sister should not be finding her involvement stressful! Be grateful she was willing to help out and apologise for what has gone wrong.

Are you being such a bridezilla that you are making your sister unwell?

i think you need to examine your own behaviour first rather than hers.

Sounds like she ensured others were happy to do the organising first before she backed our. Why are you being so demanding ?

I think the fact that you are more concerned about saving face and how you feel than how your sister’s mental health is at present is very telling.

I don’t understand what type of things you are by your own admission “demanding”, but it is not her responsibility to be at your beck and call.

Your sister has done the right thing to step back as she says she wants to save your relationship, but it seems you are unwilling to accept this.

You need to consider your behaviour and its impact on her and others. Planning a wedding can be stressful, but it sounds as if your behaviour is very unreasonable.

Your sister has been really brave to take this step. Sounds like a good time to reflect on your behaviour and apologise, then do better.

This….

The bridesmaids will have had a whole thread with all their plans on, there is absolute no possibility at all that telling you first would have ‘saved face’. They will be absolutely aware of what’s been happening.

You knowing before them so you could have made up some bollocks about why your sister was stepping down would have made you look mad as a box if frogs.