Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

Why? Why does she need to tell them why? Why does she have to put herself in a position she doesn't want to for them? People she doesn't know?

No she doesn’t. They are not entitled to know why. She told them no quite clearly when she shut the door the first time. Their behaviour since then is truly shocking.

Ok whatever. Totally ridiculous getting into an argument with you, whoever you are. Actually nothing to do with either of us.

So why make a bitchy comment to OP?

Nope. In fact, if I was OP, I’d delight in telling them I had plenty of information for them, but they were getting the square root of fuck all, for being so invasive.

I said if it was me I'd want to know why they were so insistent on talking to me. Terrible things happen to all of us. Better to face it. Just my opinion. That's what this site is all about, right? I actually meant to say better to get a grip and face it, in my opinion. Better?

They came to the door. That is in no way "invasive." Anyone can knock on your door ffs. Barging in would have been invasive.

You’ve obviously never experienced trauma then?

Ok guys it's not a competition. Yes I have experienced trauma. The death of my husband and my daughter. Not sure how that is relevant to this situation though. Wrong kind of trauma, maybe ???

I'm so sorry for your losses x

@Marosanne sorry for your losses. Have you ever been petrified of someone knocking at your door?

They are not to blame for your traumatic childhood, and possibly also had similar experiences. Whilst you are well within your rights to choose not to engage, you don't need to be cruel and/or rude, and certainly not something worthy of wasting police time. Politely but firmly telling them that you aren't interested because you need to protect your own mental wellbeing and wishing them well would be the kindest and likely most effective way to end this situation. Although may be a good idea to take their contact details and names 'just in case' you reflect and change your mind in the future. The curiosity would get the better of me!

What if OP is due a huge inheritance?

What kind of a comment is that?! The poster has just referred to two tragic losses in her life and you come back at her with that?! Catch yourself on.

But it isn't you... to all the PP saying "I'd want to know, it might be xyz" response to which can be covered with the proper routes.

The OP and her DB have had past trauma that they are moved on from. They have had unwanted contact via email, ignored, then knocking at the door at least 3 times. Having to call her husband to come home from work and then pass a note and to get a letter back. By the way, I do think it is a good idea now to keep this as evidence.

Only those who who have experienced trauma know what it feels like.

It's absolutely horrendous! And believe me you don't want it at any cost. You protect your space fiercely and focus on the now and the present and what life you have built.

Nothing is owed here to unwanted contact at all. Especially when they stand on your property for a long time not wanting to be told " thank you but I'm not interested in any further contact" because the ignored email, the 2 times shutting the door to them and the note you wrote explaining that you want no further contact.

Makes it abundantly clear you do not want ANY contact.

While I might not have suffered the same trauma as the OP, because I do not know what that was, I don't understand why, as a human being who has suffered trauma you would not want to alleviate the trauma of another human being if you could.

It's probably on a different scale, I don't know, but after I went through two miscarriages, I wanted to share my experience if I felt it would help others. I guess it all depends on your nature. Same after I lost both parents in a very short space of time. I suppose some people are more empathetic than others, and some want to shut themselves away.

I'm sorry for your losses, I also have had a miscarriage and so I understand the pain I experienced and I know how hard this is. I've subsequently have had a hard time getting to full-term due to my own biological make-up (long story and another thread I wouldn't start)

I'm also sorry about your parents, that must be so difficult💐.

I think it's natural to share but this isn't really on the same scale as sharing, it's more intimidating.

I edited as I had originally misread your post.

But, I go back to the fact that this is NOT about me or you. It is about the fact the OP was SO distressed she did what she thought was a help line and phoned the police. Subsequently the people invading her well earned private space, were by her action of shutting the door, told they were not welcome, got her husband home to hand out a note. She was (I presume) very scared.

The people in this equation may need urgent information, but the OP owes them nothing.

I'm truly sorry for your loss. But you are absolutely correct it is a different kind of trauma. Not "better or worse", just different. I am sorry.

Might she be on a witness protection programme,and contact with these people may endanger her or her loved ones?

They "why" doesn't matter. The OP is entitled to make a choice, has clearly done so and made that choice clear. That's the whole story really. Its not about who is more empathetic, who has had the worth life experiences, whether its something that would benefit the OP. Its a choice. And when callers don't accept that choice, its rude at best, frightening at worst.

Then the correct way to engage is through a solicitor. In writing.

It can be very easy unless someone locks absolutely everything down. I did it in similar circumstances, though those half - siblings don't want to know and I respect that. I used the work email I found too, not the personal one.

This thread is just horrible though, so black and white. Deliberate misunderstandings, nastiness, lack of compassion all round. An excuse for bitchy judgementalism instead of the measuredness you'd hope to see from people who are observers from the outside.

This is going to stay in @Highfivemum's memory for a long time as an awful experience. The half-sibs, if they are genuine, have handled this terribly and made a difficult situation into a disaster, but are also going to live with strong disappointment at the least. One of the strongest urges most people have is to know their roots and family. Almost all of history is defined and created by the influence of familial relationships. Literature too and TV.

There are no winners here.

No, they didn't.
They came to the door>they were refused contact>they stood around outside>they knocked again>they hung around on OPs private property stalking her till her husband came home>they harassed him to pass messages on>they refused to leave until they made direct contact with OP.

They forced her to engage with them against her will using the threat of ongoing stalking to get their way.

In other countries trespassing on private property gets you shot.
Here trespassers are getting fucking sympathy

Fortunately we don't go around shooting people in this country as a general rule.