Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

You're so funny. Not.

You've not demonstrated much for the OP so far

No, you’re quite right. My experience is not universal. There will be people who think that it’s only the decent thing to do to allow people to trample all over your boundaries and insert themselves into your life, whether you want them there or not. But those people are either stalkers or self described empaths who actually have the emotional intelligence of an egg mayo sandwich.

You’ve said that you can see it from all sides, but from reading your posts, you ultimately seem to come down on the side of these random people being able to trample over the OP’s boundaries and insert themselves into her life, for as long as they wish to talk to her, whether she wants them there or not? Where is your empathy for the trauma the OP has gone through, and for the life she has created for herself likely being a shell that protects her from her past? Why is there no part of you that has any understanding that the OP wants no part of them in her life, and for very good reason, as she has told us?

That’s a rhetorical question because any answer you give me is going to be similar to the regurgitated rubbish you’ve churned out above and won’t actually mean anything more than ‘be kind’, so I won’t bother reading it, but you strike me as the sort of person who likes to have the last word, so feel free to have it, on me 😏

You are wasting police time and being totally unreasonable.

Well, you’re one of the people who was pushing the nonsense that maybe they had “something important” to tell the OP. Whatever they want, there is NOTHING they couldn’t have said in the first email. They are 100% in the wrong and the OP is 100% justified in taking whatever action she needs to take to protect herself.

The most puzzling thing about the whole incident is how the stalkers got hold of OP’s email address. Much more difficult to find someone’s personal email address than their home address IMO.

sure until they start making multiple visits and refusing to leave.

Not necessarily. There are websites that provide 'basic' information about people. Included are usually email addresses with asterisks censoring parts of the address. But if you have a basic knowledge of email formatting and commonly used email websites, it's not too hard make some really good guesses, especially if your 'target' has a common-ish name. OP's 'stalkers' may have tried different email addresses before landing with the correct one.

There are also websites where you can pay to obtain people's addresses, etc. Or these people may have known someone who had access to this information. PIs usually do, they may have hired one.

Locating people was part of my former US Govt job. It was surprisingly easy, although people weren't as internet savvy back then as they are now.

Did you ignore the fact that the op said she had a complicated awful childhood. My God some people are just horrid on here just goading others and gaslighted them about their own life and feelings.

I'm not ignoring the fact the OP had a complicated childhood and she may not want contact with these people, but the proper way to do it is to tell said people "I have no interes in talking to you please don't contact me again and if you do I'll consider it harassment. Good bye"
That's the first thing a solictor is going to tell you.

She shut the door in their face twice, she has also communicated through letter. She was scared and panicking, you have no idea what she's gone through yet find it funny and use laughing emoji. Justify yourself as much as you want, whatever makes you feel better, you are still nasty and disgusting to use a person's trauma as a joke.

Fortunately, I couldn't care less what you think,

Which they probably wouldn't have done had the OP responded to them in the first place?

She did respond - she shut the door in their face. That’s a fairly universal signal that you want no interaction with the other party. They should have left her alone at that point.

Hope you’re ok OP

You're wasting your breath @Fountofwisdom - this poster will keep resetting to her fascinating point about how OP should have replied to the original email, and that this might/probably would have made this people just read the email and go 'oh she doesn't want to engage, okay, we'll drop it now.' Which in fact flies in the face of all their demonstrable behaviour and indeed the poster's own belief that they're deeply wounded souls who desperately need to be heard out. But the more you get into that, you'll find she just resets to 'original email mode' and it will never, ever end.

I might have compassion for them if they weren't acting like a pair of stalkers harassing the OP. No matter what information they think she has, she owes them nothing. I'd tell them to fuck off but I'm lucky enough not to have had a traumatic childhood.

I have family somewhere that I don't know but I have no interest in them and wouldn't want to meet them if they tracked me down. It's not my problem if they wanted to speak to me, I don't know them and don't want to and that's a perfectly valid choice.

That's all they need to know.

Look after yourself and feel
proud of yourself for surviving and thriving. Don’t let this knock you back.

I would have to speak to them. I would rather know the truth than just keep slamming the door on people. Get a grip.

Have you read the full thread and the reasons why OP can't talk to them? She doesn't need to 'get a grip', they need to leave her alone 🙄

Well she needs to tell them why.

no she does not. She owes them nothing.

Wow that's such a nasty, belittling comment. Op has trauma and you're telling her to get a grip. I really despair with parts of humanity