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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
Cosmosforbreakfast · 02/04/2025 11:27

They might be related to you, they might be scammers of some sort. Feels a bit like they ganged up on you as soon as your husband left. They're still hanging around outside, that would make me nervous. No harm calling Police tbh, they may not be who they say they are at all.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 02/04/2025 11:28

I’m sorry this has upset you and I think it’s wrong they are still hanging around.
i hope your DH tells them and they don’t have the cheek to appear again.

LoyalMember · 02/04/2025 11:28

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:48

Not heard back from them as yet. The woman on the phone said I would be contacted.

Show quote history

They'll chap your door about three weeks from now. I suggest you shut the door on them as well.

Sugargliderwombat · 02/04/2025 11:29

I've no idea why they'd be hanging around the driveway after having the door shut in their face multiple times? I'd be spooked too, OP.

Hope your hubby can tell them to leave.

Elunajeya · 02/04/2025 11:30

MrsCastle · 02/04/2025 10:53

I’ve put Yabu because you are failing to tell them you don’t want to speak to them

It’s pretty obvious, no?

BumbleBeegu · 02/04/2025 11:30

Why are you panicking though? What specific thing about this is causing you distress? (I don’t mean this unkindly OP, I’m simply wondering what you think these ‘relatives’ might do to you, that is causing this level of anxiety).

I recently discovered (via a DNA test on Ancestry) that I had a whole ‘new’ family! So I understand the shock of this…but ultimately these are just people that I didn’t know existed. They are not monsters (hopefully 😆).

Iwanttenofthose · 02/04/2025 11:31

LoyalMember · 02/04/2025 11:28

They'll chap your door about three weeks from now. I suggest you shut the door on them as well.

Show quote history

Have I misunderstood or are you saying OP should shut the door on the police too? Why on earth would she do that when she's the one who has dragged them out over something that's clearly not a police matter?

Sailawaygirl · 02/04/2025 11:31

Oh gosh . I would hate that if people were hanging around outside
I think if they had something very important to day they would leave a letter rather than hang around. It's very selfish to think it's OK for them to just rock up! Especially after an email was ignored.
I think you were right to inform police. It might not be a full police matter but I think it's helpful that it's been logged ( just in case they don't get the message ) . Hope your DP is home now.
Sounds like a horrible shock

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 02/04/2025 11:32

MirrorMirror70 · 02/04/2025 11:20

I can’t believe people are saying “why didn’t you just tell them you don’t want to speak to them?”

Surely slamming the door in someone’s face 2-3 times is enough of a message that you aren’t interested in speaking to them?!

I actually disagree that you overreacted, and the fact that they are still hanging around loitering on your driveway now just proves this. It’s harassment: they know full well you don’t want them there, but they are continually ignoring this and keep returning to your property.

I’d be interested to know the genders of these 2 people…

This, it’s pretty clear you don’t want to speak to them.

Wouldn’t be surprised it’s a male caller

Elunajeya · 02/04/2025 11:32

And I would have no interest in getting to know a long-lost half-sibling either. It’s incredibly invasive to just turn up at your door repeatedly. And not leaving is insane.

My mum’s cousin had one turn up at her door years ago. They started to see each other for a few weeks, then she brought up that she was broke and needed money.

Dontbeme · 02/04/2025 11:32

Hope you are Okay OP, I would have reacted like you too. Ain't childhood trauma a treat.

If these people were long lost relations wanting contact a registered letter to you explaining the situation is the way to go, not repeatedly door stepping you, waiting for your DH to leave so you are alone and then refusing to budge from your front garden. Of course you panicked and called the police. I hope your DH moves them on soon.

Jellyfishcoolimg · 02/04/2025 11:32

Livpool · 02/04/2025 11:15

YABU - I can’t believe you called the police to be honest! Just tell them you aren’t interested although so you even know what they want?! They may have information for you.

My nan inherited money from a distant cousin

Or it could go the other way...

In the early 2000s my Gran and her 2 maternal sisters inherited 16k each from their maternal cousins estate as no other family members to inherit.

FF a few years, they received letters saying one of those inheritance hunter companies had been contacted by someone who believed they were also a relative and that my maternal 2 x Great Grandmother had had children before having my Great Grandmother.

Which was nothing my Gran was aware of. Or possibly even my long-deceased Great-Gran knew about her own Mother??

Long story short, she had NINE children in a marriage before presumably having an affair which led to my Great-Grandmother being born in 1901 and her husband throwing her out and then she later in her late 40s had an additional child with another man.

The case is still ongoing with the additional claimants..

Though how they expect to get any of the money back which was spent years ago by my now 92 year old Gran (and both my Grans sisters are now dead) I don't know.

But I've had a fascinating time on ancestry.com 😄

WearyAuldWumman · 02/04/2025 11:33

Iwanttenofthose · 02/04/2025 11:31

Have I misunderstood or are you saying OP should shut the door on the police too? Why on earth would she do that when she's the one who has dragged them out over something that's clearly not a police matter?

Show quote history

Judging by that poster's user name and use of Scottish terminology, they're a sarcastic and not terribly witty supporter of a particular football team. Best ignored.

Gettoachiro · 02/04/2025 11:33

Yabvu and well over the top. Imagine being in their situation desperate for information. They've likely had a similar traumatic childhood. You should have replied to the email/letter saying at the very least you aren't interested in talking. Your lack of politeness has led to this situation where you just slamming the door without even saying anything has just exasperated the situation.

They are being unreasonable now that they are hanging around outside, but hopefully your husband can politely say you aren't interested in even talking.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/04/2025 11:35

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 02/04/2025 11:32

This, it’s pretty clear you don’t want to speak to them.

Wouldn’t be surprised it’s a male caller

Show quote history

The fact that they waited for the OP's DH to leave and then had a third attempt to see her, but both together this time, shows - at the very least - poor judgement on their part.

hydriotaphia · 02/04/2025 11:35

YANBU at all. They should not be hovering about your house since you have made it clear that you do not want anything to do with them, and the police should have a word with them and move them on. I don't know if the police will ask them how they got their address, but you should at least ask the police to ask them this. Sorry you're in this situation.

MalleusMaleficarumm · 02/04/2025 11:37

I’m a bit shocked that people think YABU OP, I wouldn’t want people turning up at my door and also those saying YABU don’t know what kind of trauma you experienced as a child. They could literally be anyone, you have no idea what their intentions are.

Hopefully your DH is with you now and helping you to resolve it

Daleksatemyshed · 02/04/2025 11:38

Better to have answered their e mail Op but that doesn't give them any right to hang around your drive. I hope they'll tell your DH what they want then they need to go, desperate or not this is becoming harrassment

Cosmosforbreakfast · 02/04/2025 11:38

I don't know why so many posters are taking it as truth that these people are actually related to OP as they claim. Would you all just let 2 perfect strangers into your home, strangers who waited until your husband left? Would you all be happy to have 2 perfect strangers loitering in your drive while you're home alone? There are new scams springing up all the time. A long lost relative, sure, maybe, but 2 of them who wait until you're home alone and then hang around for no reason. OP is perfectly entitled to ignore anyone she chooses, no matter who they claim to be. They are not entitled to keep pestering her.

BlackWhiteCircle · 02/04/2025 11:38

They would be less intimidating if they put a note through your door explaining who they were and what they wanted rather than hanging around waiting for you to come out, I would be spooked as well.

ThejoyofNC · 02/04/2025 11:41

OP you owe these people nothing, whatever they are searching for cannot be found with you and they need to accept that.

Their persistence has me thinking they might not even be legitimate and it could be some sort of scam.

MonsterasEverywhere · 02/04/2025 11:42

You are definitely not unreasonable here, I'd be questioning how they found your address, that is odd behaviour, and could be considered stalking/harassment.

dottydodah · 02/04/2025 11:42

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all.They should have got the message loud and clear by now.I would let the police come and explain how you feel.They will probably log it .

allmycats · 02/04/2025 11:42

YANBU to wait until it was obvious that your husband had left and still be hanging around your home is troubling. I would say that they are now harassing you. Hopefully you will have your husband home soon. Can you discreetly film them on your phone so that you have proof of their behaviour?

Elunajeya · 02/04/2025 11:43

OP you owe these people nothing

👏

You didn’t owe them an email reply either.