Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

You’ll have other Mumsnet threads where people will tell you to NEVER answer the door to anyone and to ring the police if the same man has walked on the pavement by your living room window more than once 🤣

YANBU to have gotten a shock OP, you were scared and just panicked and called, it’s not the end of the world. You didn’t demand a 24hr watch of your house to keep you safe. I’d be scared too if people had somehow gotten my address and kept turning up. You don’t know them, what they’re involved in or what they’re looking for. They could have left a letter or note for you, continuing to knock on the door and show up uninvited is weird.

Hope you're OK OP. Ideally, yes you would have told them you're not interested and to leave, but ignoring their initial contact and shutting the door on them a further two times is a clear message as well.

Hopefully your DH speaks to them on his return and that's the end of it.

Ultimately, if you’ve said you don’t want to engage & they continue, I would’ve thought that constitutes harassment.
Also, presumably if you haven’t offered out your details, and don’t want a relationship, there comes a point where this is stalking.
You’re within your rights not to engage.

If you have someone's name (how they found that is a different matter) it's relatively easy to get their address if they're on the open voters' roll. You can get it within 5 minutes from certain websites.

YANBU. You don’t know these people. You do not have to talk or give any explanation to them. The police should be called - these people are making you feel threatened and they need to be told to stop and go away.

I see the tired old ‘you should have been polite and weren’t so now it’s your own fault’ trope has been activated.

You owe no one politeness when they are continually ignoring your response to them, which anyone with more than 2 brain cells would interpret as ‘go away’.

The fact they have waited until your husband leaves the house, turned up mob handed and are now still loitering is a giant red flag. Wherever their trauma or need for information, they don’t have the right to behave this way and are showing you your instinct to shut off that part of your life is correct.

I hope your DH gets rid of them and you don’t have to deal with them again.

You poor thing. I really feel for you because their presence has dragged your mind back to your childhood. Those posters who are saying you should speak to them or that you haven't told them you want nothing to do with them are wrong in my opinion, you've ignored the email, shut the door on them more than once and yet they are still there so they've not got the message. Of course I feel for them but they do not have the right to upset you for any reason. I hope your dh is home by now and that he can tell them you want nothing to do with them as it is too upsetting.

There's been a few secret relatives pop up since ancestry and 23 and me , it's not always welcome . You don't owe them any time or explanation and you obviously feel harassed by them , they are unwanted visitors hopefully your husband has arrived by now

I'd be very wary of them in OP's shoes.
I wouldn't be inviting them in, but would be asking for any sort of proof of who they are via my DH. Scammers were one of my first thoughts, sadly.

I hope your husband has turned up, OP. These people are harrassing you, I have no sympathy for them.

People think OP is being unreasonable for reporting someone to the police for making a couple of attempts to make contact. Which law do you think these purported relatives have broken at this stage?

Why not just reply now to that email, telling them that? They aren’t doing anything wrong because you haven’t made it clear to them that you don’t want any contact.

Whatever your reasons for shutting the door, they should respect that and leave you alone. For ne it's a bit of a red flag that they've had the door shut on them twice and they are still hanging around.

What criminal offence are they committing?

The Police don't exist to respond if someone feels frightened or doesn't want to talk to someone so they should pop round and tell them to go away.

If OP talks to them and tells them to go away and they persist, then OP may have something to report.

I'm constantly bewildered by what some MN posters seem to think the Police should be doing.

They have turned up at a stranger's house who has made it very clear she wants nothing to do with them and now they are hanging around outside it. It's harrassment.

Harassment can take various forms and may include:

Forbes+4

• Physical or verbal behavior that threatens, intimidates, or demeans a person.
• Unwanted and repetitive contact, such as via email, phone, or in person.
• Behavior based on protected personal characteristics, such as race, religion, sex, or disability.
• Causing nuisance, alarm, or substantial emotional distress without any legitimate purpose.

I was ready to come on and say yabu as they're obviously going to keep knocking as they want answers, and a door just being firmly shut in their face isn't giving them any answers at all. BUT.....reading through the responses and one of your updates....WTAF! They're still hanging around outside? And I agree with the posters who are asking if they're men. The whole thing stinks OP. I hope you're OK and that this doesn't continue

Ignoring emails and shutting a door in someone's face, TWICE, is telling them you do not want contact!

If they've got anything to say to you, they can write a letter and leave the ball in your court, not hang around your door, this is creepy. They could be anyone - scammers, robbers (or real family, of course). I don't blame you for calling the police.

Two knocks on a door isn’t harassment ffs. No wonder my council tax is £££ if people think this is a police matter.

if you can’t do it yourself, get your H to tell them they you don’t want any contact. No need for hysterics.

OP doesn’t owe them engagement. They’ve been turned away, it’s time to leave.
Any decent human with half a brain cell could take the hint that OP isn’t interested in a relationship. Opening up the communication only creates a space for them to attempt to persuade OP & drag up the past trauma.

The loitering was only mentioned in the most recent update. The original post mentioned an email and a couple of chaps on the door.

If they are loitering on your drive and you have closed the door when they knocked - they are now actually trespassing and it is a police matter. Under the law people have licence to walk up to the front door and knock. You rescinded that licence when you slammed the door in their face. I personally would call the police now and say there are strangers in your drive and that they have been loitering for some time and that you are afraid for your safety.

I think you should have emailed back at the time of the previous contact OP and said you had no wishes to be in touch and any more attempts at communication would be ignored, just to make your position perfectly clear.

For all they know you may not have got the email, there may have been a death in the family and they genuinely believe they are doing the right thing by trying to contact you, I really think you needed to shut it down.

Send your DH out to talk to them and let them know that you have absolutely no desire to be in contact with anyone from your past for ANY reason, you don't have to justify why, but you do need to make them aware of your wishes.

What an awful shock you've had. How horrible for you. I hope your DH has managed to speak to them and you're ok.

As someone else has mentioned, these programs on TV that show positive reactions to being contacted by long lost family members isn't always the case and so many people don't want contact, like you OP.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with calling the police when complete strangers keep knocking on your door

so ignore PP who make you feel bad for doing so