Husbands messages to a friend

[PRGirlUK]

Here's a message exchange between my husband and what was one of my close friends. I became aware of it as I watched it come through live on a computer I was using, which was synced to his phone he was using downstairs.

Husband - Oi [name of friend] how are you? X
Friend – Alreety poppet. I'm v good thanks. Is you ok? X
Husband - Good ta beautiful: you need to get your beautiful arse out for a drink. X
Friend - My god damn arse will be out tomoz. Is you??
Husband - Hell yeah, look forward to seeing you. X
Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X
Friend - Pfffffff yeah. Know of any spare ones
Husband - No just me.
Friend - Hmmmmmm
Husband - Your call eventually
Friend - Wat is?????
Husband - Nothing. See you tomorrow. X
Friend - Have a drink poppet x

I saw the friend the next day and she did not mention it. When I eventually challenged my husband he brushed it off as nothing and just banter, effectively minimising the impact it had on me, and that it was in my head that there was anything wrong with it. To me it is unacceptable and devastated me. Thoughts?

She’s not interested, but he definitely is. Sorry OP.

This is flirting/actively pursuing something more than friendship in my eyes. Has can dress it up as banter all he wants. So sorry.

As an aside the way they speak from a vocabulary point is really annoying and they need to learn how to speak. 😉 I hope you are ok.

The grammar and spelling alone would have me reeling.

Oh wow. He's trying to fire into her bigtime. It's all him as well.

Yeah your husband sounds like an ash*e.

Yeah, puts her in a very difficult situation...

He's chasing her.
And if thats how they actually message I'd be dumping him for his dire texting never mind his obvious intent to cheat

I've had the same sort of thing happen to me. He is fishing and telling her is available.
But she hasn't shut him down and a friend would have.

Like your DH mine minimised it and I let it go. With hindsight I think something did happen between them. Long story but I cut her off years ago and I still think about it.

You have every right to be devastated and it is totally unacceptable. X

A) that message exchange is as cringey as it gets

B) your friend likes her kisses at the end of messages to her friends husband, doesn’t she?

C) what’s your personal situation eg kids mortgage money etc? I’d not like that at all and would be looking to end the relationship if possible. I understand it isn’t always possible right now though.

In my eyes it's cheating, my husband did something similar but with a stranger and our marriage hasn't been the same since.
It's an emotional affair.

If your friend said yes to meeting up with her secretly he'd be there like a shot.

I agree but if my friends husband messaged me like this I wouldn’t have replied with the last message with a kiss on the end. I’d be shocked and disgusted. It almost seems like this has happened before and she’s used to him talking to her like this.

I beg your pardon, no, this isn't banter, this is him pursuing her. He was clear with his intentions.

She doesn't seem interested but she also hasn't entirely shut him down. A friend would have.

It's the your call eventually.... that would upset me. The first bit wouldn't bother me too much. Sounds like banter but that bit leaves me feeling like he likes her and he's waiting for her to give the go ahead to start something.

On the other hand she doesn't come across as interested and doesn't seem to necessarily get what he (could be) trying to say.

But she hasn't shut him down and a friend would have.

Too bloody right.

He’s trying to cheat.

I wouldn’t put it past him to have cheated with someone else either, seeing as he’s so confident to speak to one of your friends like this, knowing it could get back to you. Imagine a stranger.

She isn’t your “friend” either. I would have sent the screen shots to my friend. She was half entertaining him but I don’t think she’s quite as interested as he is.

A. He is married and is behaving absolutely appallingly.
B. He seems to be barely literate.

You need a different husband.
You also need a different friend.

Friend brushed him off/tried to make out like she was taking it as a joke, but I guarantee she will be uncomfortable with his creepy messages!! He’s vile and I’d be devastated at my husband messaging anyone this, let alone a friend of mine!

I think she put him down trying not to be mean. But she's not interested and he is. This is a husband problem OP. I'm sorry

They both need dumping

She knows him and it's often safer to play along and brush it off, whilst trying to work out if you want to say something to the OP.

She may enjoy a bit of banter and it's now crossed a line.

Only the OP knows the situation and her DH/friend dynamics.

Ew - just read it over and where he says - You is all any man needs - YUM! 🤢🤮

Was it iMessages or what’s app? If it’s iMessage then you can look in the recently deleted folder. I’d be asking friend to show me all other messages between them too, just to see how long he’s been chasing her for

Ewww! Scum bag. This is all him. How awful for you (and her tbh). One of your friends! It’s like double disrespect. If he wants to play away then play away but don’t keep it this close to home! Stupid, little man.
I’d tell her you saw the exchange, that you know HE was the one trying it and give her an opportunity to tell you the truth and make it clear you will 100% believe whatever she has to say. I’d be shocked if this is the first time he’s tried it on with her and wouldn’t be too surprised if he’s tried it with your other friends too. Your friend might have some insight you might not like to hear, but it’s better you know than continue being that woman who’s husband is a known dirt bag to everyone but the wife.

Your 'friend' is actively flirting with your DH and he is definitely interested in taking this further. I would be fuming with both of them.

They both type like they've recently been lobotomised.

And yep he's trying to shag her.