Husbands messages to a friend

[PRGirlUK]

Here's a message exchange between my husband and what was one of my close friends. I became aware of it as I watched it come through live on a computer I was using, which was synced to his phone he was using downstairs.

Husband - Oi [name of friend] how are you? X
Friend – Alreety poppet. I'm v good thanks. Is you ok? X
Husband - Good ta beautiful: you need to get your beautiful arse out for a drink. X
Friend - My god damn arse will be out tomoz. Is you??
Husband - Hell yeah, look forward to seeing you. X
Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X
Friend - Pfffffff yeah. Know of any spare ones
Husband - No just me.
Friend - Hmmmmmm
Husband - Your call eventually
Friend - Wat is?????
Husband - Nothing. See you tomorrow. X
Friend - Have a drink poppet x

I saw the friend the next day and she did not mention it. When I eventually challenged my husband he brushed it off as nothing and just banter, effectively minimising the impact it had on me, and that it was in my head that there was anything wrong with it. To me it is unacceptable and devastated me. Thoughts?

Totally unacceptable. It's not 'just banter' and I think you're completely right to be angry and upset. I bet his 'banter' with his male friends isn't like this.

I also disagree with PPs who are saying it's all him - it's not. At the very least, she's really enjoying the attention. She's just letting him do the chasing so she can kid herself that he's the guilty one.

I pretty much guarantee your partner has cheated on you, perhaps multiple times. And he is now trying to shag your friend

Yeah he wants to fuck her. Sorry @PRGirlUK You need to let him know you have seen all this, and then leave the cunt. Vile. I threw up a little in my mouth reading this ...😖

He's fishing to see if she's interested. Disgusting behaviour from a married man.

It’s all relative depending on your and your husband’s circle of friends and how you all talk to each other. But. The line he says you are all a man needs yum. There is no dressing that line up. He is flirting. And he is flirting with your pal which in my book makes it doubly crap. There’s no getting away from it and if he has no shame about flirting with your pal, he’ll be doing that with others too. She isn’t interested - she tried to bay him away. Really sorry. Also his response is lacking. He shouldn’t minimize this - but considering he has, he doesn’t sound very mature nor emotionally intelligent. I’d look at the rest of the relationship and review it X

Oh he is 100% up for it and was sounding her out.

Marriage ending.
He's a liar.
Get snaps and ask all family and mutual friends for their opinions.

I would be done. I am so sorry OP.

Any man texting women like that has likely been already unfaithful.
Wouldn't trust him as far as I'd throw him.

He is a sleazy creep.

I agree with all of this.

Why would you stay with a pig like this? Salivating over your friends and being totally inappropriate. 🤮

Have neither of them gone to school?

Are from the West Country? I totally read the messages in that accent.

seriously though, do grown ups really speak like that? I thought it was an April Fool!

I'd go easy on your friend, she is trying to brush him off. She may be questioning herself if she is mistaking banter for flirting and worrying about whether or not she should say something to you.
He has definitely crossed the line though, even if it is 'banter', which I very much doubt, it is disrespectful at the least.

Unless they usually speak like that, they have their special lickle pickle language. I'd speak to her in real life like that and tell her why

I am not exaggerating when I say that I would leave a partner if I saw him send messages like that to any woman, let alone a friend of mine.

Calling her beautiful and referring to her beautiful arse is inappropriate. And the line about her being 'all a man needs' and 'yum'. Ew.

He was definitely looking to see whether she would be up for it. They way your friend replied suggested it's probably not the first time he has spoken to her like this.

He's an absolute creep and your friends are probably wary of him.

They are both morons. Get rid of them

I am a man. I wouldn't send this type of exchange even if I was single. Boak 🤮

As a married man, even less so. Completely disrespectful. Friend doesn't exactly come out of it looking especially dignified either.

He called her beautiful twice in one message, this not innocent or just being friendly.

The message where he said “your choice eventually” sounds like he has already made some sort of pass at her previously. It would seem from her response that she may well have just brushed it off the previous time or maybe just not responded. This time however she replies with “what?” and given her less then enthusiastic response to his message he clearly didn’t care to explain himself.

I don’t know what to say about her, as she could have not told you about any passes he made at her to protect your feelings and perhaps protect the friendship group/dynamic. She perhaps figured if she didn’t mention it, it would just go away/he would give up. That said, she still seems a bit too chatty for my liking if she is indeed trying to give him the polite brush off. That does make me question if something did indeed happen in the past and she put a stop to or made it clear it was a mistake/one off, but it’s clear that he would have liked it to continue/is trying to carry it on.

He is a complete snake!!! I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. It is NOT innocent, certainly not from his side at least!!!

YANBU. He is gaslighting you.

This. How do you not have the ultimate ick? The pair of them sound like two illiterate teenagers trying to sound “cool”.

Is your husband Ali G? 'You is all any man needs' 😷

I don't actually think she's entertaining it, but she didn't tell you. I'm guessing she feels awkward. I'd ask her what else has been said because I can guarantee this isn't the first time he's text her!

They're both scummy. Him for trying to shag someone else behind your back, her for not shutting it down immediately and telling you.

'Ickle' alone made me want to vomit.

That said OP, they're both flirting, although your husband seems to be driving this. I'd be furious with them both - your husband is revolting and your friend should have told you.

This is very disrespectful and disloyal on his part! You need to have a serious discussion about this with him, completely unacceptable and also creepy for your friend.

A good, honest husband wouldn't do that.

A good, honest friend would tell you that he had.

This. How can he possibly try to convince you that this is “banter” ??

Alreet? Newcastle charvas?