Husbands messages to a friend

[PRGirlUK]

Here's a message exchange between my husband and what was one of my close friends. I became aware of it as I watched it come through live on a computer I was using, which was synced to his phone he was using downstairs.

Husband - Oi [name of friend] how are you? X
Friend – Alreety poppet. I'm v good thanks. Is you ok? X
Husband - Good ta beautiful: you need to get your beautiful arse out for a drink. X
Friend - My god damn arse will be out tomoz. Is you??
Husband - Hell yeah, look forward to seeing you. X
Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X
Friend - Pfffffff yeah. Know of any spare ones
Husband - No just me.
Friend - Hmmmmmm
Husband - Your call eventually
Friend - Wat is?????
Husband - Nothing. See you tomorrow. X
Friend - Have a drink poppet x

I saw the friend the next day and she did not mention it. When I eventually challenged my husband he brushed it off as nothing and just banter, effectively minimising the impact it had on me, and that it was in my head that there was anything wrong with it. To me it is unacceptable and devastated me. Thoughts?

That is your husband flirting with your friend and trying to get her to cheat with him.

This is not necessarily her fault and she may have been too afraid to tell you.

However the first lot of messages look like they have done this before

the final half look like she is possibly being careful about what info she texts in case you find it and it’s incriminating

I think a good friend would have shut the conversation down much better- saying ‘you have a wife’!!!

Your husband is a complete arse! He’s clearly flirting with your friend and she seems to be batting him away. Maybe she didn’t mention it to you because she didn’t want to upset you and rock the boat?

Sorry OP. Totally unacceptable and I would have him out the door. He is definitely looking to cheat. I'd also be equally upset that my 'friend' hadn't told me.

Epic ick from the grammar, for sure.

They sound very very familiar with each other, like this style of messaging is a thing they have done before. Does he message you or anyone else with the Ali G mixed with baby talk stuff?
Sorry OP. He's hugely trying it on. She's not completely shutting it down.

Definitely looking to cheat and I think I would end my relationship over this, unless there's some additional context and your friendship group all communicate with each other like this.

I'd also be carefully sounding out my friend to see if she's in a awkward position, or if she's part of the problem.

Sorry OP, how awful for you

Well who needs enemies with friends like this! And your husband is a twat.

What language is that?

I would dump him and her for speaking like a couple illiterate teenagers let alone the inappropriate manner.

I'm very laid back about my DH's female friendships and I have absolutely no problem with him meeting females friends, messaging them etc.
However this is awful! He's made it very clear that he fancies her, that he thinks she's beautiful and that he'd love to be with her. I'm not sure I could ever forgive DH for sending these types of messages. It's not friendship - it's very sexual and his intentions are clear.

Nailed it

It's gross

Yeah your friend is either too shy to tell you, likes the attention or is into him too. I would say to her that I am really upset as I suspect my husband may be cheating on me or at the very least pursuing other women and see what she says. If she says nothing I would then ask if she has ever seen him act strangely or flirt with other women. How she answers will determine what her game is. Definitely dump your husband either way, he’s trying to cheat and likely has cheated before.

Why is your close friend going out for a drink one to one with your DH (unless I've misread)? Anyway, he wants to get into her knickers and she isn't rushing to shut him down. I'd bin both of them.

Did the drinks that she had to get her beautiful arse out for go ahead? Were you there?
I would divorce my husband for the 'yum' bit alone! So cringey!
I would send him a link to this thread if he continues to shut you down.

The friend's getting a slagging which is a bit unfair. She's trying to sideswipe the crap. It's all on his side.

Either way the conversation is tacky.

Your husband basically propositioned her and was really flirting with her.

The friend to give credit where credit is due has brushed him off and hasn’t flirted back.

keep the friend ditch the husband as he’s trying to cheat on you.

Your husband sounds awful I’m so sorry. Your friend sounds like she’s in a awkward spot, and although bantering with you husband isn’t crossing the line yet.
I would go to her and give her a chance to explain. No ambiguity about what he’s suggesting though I’m afraid.

Oh, Husband is chasing her, she knows/suspects that, isn't interested but trying to be nice.

He's trying to fuck her

Gross... he wants her... she's not interested but she still should have told him to fuck off! He's disgusting and the way he texts is so cringey

He is way over the line and she’s not exactly discouraging it. Don’t let him minimise it.

Absolutely hideous! I wouldn’t have two words to say to a man who A) texts another woman like this when married and B) is this illiterate (unless he had a good reason but this seems by choice)

He’s trying it on and she’s brushing him off while trying to maintain the friendship but feels very awkward. Same thing happened between my sister’s husband and I, and my sister wrongly blamed me when I just didn’t want to ruin the family by telling him to F off like I should have in hindsight. Your husband needs to go.

Yep.

he 💯 is fishing and if he hasn’t cheated on you already with someone will do in the future

I disagree with those complaining about the language/grammar. I think of these were two single people enjoying a flirtation, it's quite well done!

She's uncomfortable and trying to laugh it off and be nice, as women are conditioned to do.

Same ! Leave these two uneducated fools to be op. The conversation was inappropriate and cringe

Look at your friend's replies, none of them suggest she's interested in your husband. All the flirting is coming from your husband - calling her beautiful, saying she's the only woman a man needs etc. She's responding to his flirting with humour. She says she's 'looking forward to seeing you all'. Not him. The only term of endearment she uses is 'poppet', and that could be normal for her, she may call everyone poppet. Your husband is definitely flirting with your friend, and if she encouraged him, he wouldn't say no. I can't see that she's encouraging his behaviour, she's politely shutting down any flirting. If it was me, I would tell her that you'd seen the messages and you're very unhappy with your husband's attempt to flirt with her, as it's disrespectful to you, her and her husband (assuming she has one) and you've had words. Of course your husband is minimising the messages, he knows perfectly well what he has been trying (in vain!) to do.