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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husbands messages to a friend

211 replies

PRGirlUK · 01/04/2025 13:54

Here's a message exchange between my husband and what was one of my close friends. I became aware of it as I watched it come through live on a computer I was using, which was synced to his phone he was using downstairs.

Husband - Oi [name of friend] how are you? X
Friend – Alreety poppet. I'm v good thanks. Is you ok? X
Husband - Good ta beautiful: you need to get your beautiful arse out for a drink. X
Friend - My god damn arse will be out tomoz. Is you??
Husband - Hell yeah, look forward to seeing you. X
Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X
Friend - Pfffffff yeah. Know of any spare ones
Husband - No just me.
Friend - Hmmmmmm
Husband - Your call eventually
Friend - Wat is?????
Husband - Nothing. See you tomorrow. X
Friend - Have a drink poppet x

I saw the friend the next day and she did not mention it. When I eventually challenged my husband he brushed it off as nothing and just banter, effectively minimising the impact it had on me, and that it was in my head that there was anything wrong with it. To me it is unacceptable and devastated me. Thoughts?

OP posts:
BeckyBismuth · 03/04/2025 11:18

PRGirlUK · 03/04/2025 07:05

Thank you all for your kind words. This exchange happened a little while ago but I have been reeling since, especially as I thought we were in a good place. It has been good to get validation as I have been questioning my sanity. I don't believe the F is innocent here, to me I read her replies as wanting him to spell it out for her own ego. I would have shut it down immediately if it happened to me. The update is that after 20 years of marriage, the trust and respect has gone, and I have been left humiliated. I won't be having any more contact with the F, can't be arsed to tell her why, I don't want to waste my valuable energy on that tbh. Will also be divorcing. It's sad but in a way I'm glad I have had my eyes opened. I 100 per cent know I will be okay. And stronger. Much love 🙏

HE should be humiliated not you. HE is the idiot who writes such crap you need subtitles to understand it and behaves like a sleaze.

SmoothEncounter · 03/04/2025 13:41

ButThisIsMyHappyFace · 01/04/2025 13:56

She’s not interested, but he definitely is. Sorry OP.

First post nails it. He’s chasing, she’s trying to friend zone him.

JHound · 03/04/2025 13:59

Reading that made my head hurt.

Crikeyalmighty · 03/04/2025 14:07

Thing is if you’ve been married 20 years this couple can hardly be that young - more likely mid to late 40s at minimum- but trying to sound 21 and down wiv da kids-rather pathetic

commonsense61 · 03/04/2025 15:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Rosie8880 · 03/04/2025 17:21

PRGirlUK · 03/04/2025 07:05

Thank you all for your kind words. This exchange happened a little while ago but I have been reeling since, especially as I thought we were in a good place. It has been good to get validation as I have been questioning my sanity. I don't believe the F is innocent here, to me I read her replies as wanting him to spell it out for her own ego. I would have shut it down immediately if it happened to me. The update is that after 20 years of marriage, the trust and respect has gone, and I have been left humiliated. I won't be having any more contact with the F, can't be arsed to tell her why, I don't want to waste my valuable energy on that tbh. Will also be divorcing. It's sad but in a way I'm glad I have had my eyes opened. I 100 per cent know I will be okay. And stronger. Much love 🙏

Twenty years… wow thought he was a thought younger, at most mid 20s. Only you know what you feel and what you want. His response to you wanting to speak about this tbh nailed it - he wasn’t aghast, or apologetic nor listened to your feelings and considered these. From what you have written he seems flippant, dismissive and uncaring. Make sure you gather all the information and advice you need - legal/ finance before you make any moves. Don’t let him have a head start to get his house and affairs in order. And never leave the house - aka do not move out. Now your head is clearer, and you have taken control you will feel each day, better. Know this is some way off, but just imagine the kind of man you could be with in the future who will respect you, listen to you, adore you and demonstrate this to you. ❤️

SillySeal · 04/04/2025 10:31

I'm sorry things ended the way they have. However just wanted to say I admire your strength to know you deserve more that what your H and F did to you.

Good luck with everything and I hope H doesn't cause too much issue with the divorce and your break is as clean as it can be.

healthybychristmas · 04/04/2025 10:56

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2025 17:28

He's not sliding into her DMs, he's running full tilt

This really made me laugh. Absolutely true.

MsDogLady · 04/04/2025 18:11

Will also be divorcing.

@PRGirlUK, have you informed him of this yet or does he believe that he has successfully swerved having any consequences for his faithless behavior?

Marmiv87 · 21/04/2025 16:34

Sneaky but….change the contact details he has for her in his phone to your name ! change your WhatsApp profie pic to something generic a sunset or something not to give anything away.

Then start messaging him some flirty messgages test the water a little bit and you will see how far her takes it ! X

he sounds vile, and your mate no better, I would also need to confront your so called friend and ask why she didn’t shut him down or let you know he was a creep.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 11/06/2025 21:28

He is on the pull - fuck him off!

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