Husbands messages to a friend

[PRGirlUK]

Here's a message exchange between my husband and what was one of my close friends. I became aware of it as I watched it come through live on a computer I was using, which was synced to his phone he was using downstairs.

Husband - Oi [name of friend] how are you? X
Friend – Alreety poppet. I'm v good thanks. Is you ok? X
Husband - Good ta beautiful: you need to get your beautiful arse out for a drink. X
Friend - My god damn arse will be out tomoz. Is you??
Husband - Hell yeah, look forward to seeing you. X
Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X
Friend - Pfffffff yeah. Know of any spare ones
Husband - No just me.
Friend - Hmmmmmm
Husband - Your call eventually
Friend - Wat is?????
Husband - Nothing. See you tomorrow. X
Friend - Have a drink poppet x

I saw the friend the next day and she did not mention it. When I eventually challenged my husband he brushed it off as nothing and just banter, effectively minimising the impact it had on me, and that it was in my head that there was anything wrong with it. To me it is unacceptable and devastated me. Thoughts?

She is also interested, this is not one-way traffic.
And why is your husband exchanging messages with your friends? That's very strange

I don’t know what I find worse, the wording or the pursuing of your friend. If it were my (incredibly literate) husband I’d be tearing him a new one over how dense he sounds, let alone being a faithless twat.

You deserve better. Show him these responses after he gaslights you.

I can tell you that in twenty years of marriage, i've never called another woman beautiful, or being called a pet name by one. If i want to show warmth or familiarity to a female friend, i use words like "mate" or "buddy", and i do it fairly consciously to maintain the boundry for everyone. My wife would be just heartbroken if i'd sent these messages.

Intends to cheat, extremely likely to cheat in the future, has zero respect for you. The fact you had to show the exchange to other people to get validation suggests he gaslighted the f* out of you when confronted. Awful man. So sorry OP, you do not deserve this 💕

Perhaps they are collaborating on a script for an adult Haribo advert

he had his head turned - sorry OP

If he wouldn't talk to her like that in front of you, it looks like he's after her.

I speak to my friend's wife like that (without the atrocious grammar), but she and my friend talk to me like that too. It's a joke, and it is obvious to anyone who knows us that it's a joke.

In this case I don't think that applies.

Thank you all for your kind words. This exchange happened a little while ago but I have been reeling since, especially as I thought we were in a good place. It has been good to get validation as I have been questioning my sanity. I don't believe the F is innocent here, to me I read her replies as wanting him to spell it out for her own ego. I would have shut it down immediately if it happened to me. The update is that after 20 years of marriage, the trust and respect has gone, and I have been left humiliated. I won't be having any more contact with the F, can't be arsed to tell her why, I don't want to waste my valuable energy on that tbh. Will also be divorcing. It's sad but in a way I'm glad I have had my eyes opened. I 100 per cent know I will be okay. And stronger. Much love 🙏

Lots of bum talk there, is that the vernacular amongst kids around your way?
Your husband needs to grow up.

You've made a tough decision, that's amazing and brave. I wish you strength, and clarity of thought as you go forwards.
It's such a shock to be let down by those who are supposed to have your back, but your life will be better without them, even if it seems like it won't.
Stay strong!

They’re both repulsive, how anyone could find either of them attractive with that vom inducing child-like language I will never understand. You are clearly well rid, I am impressed with the speed at which you’ve come to the conclusion that neither are worth any more of your time. You sound strong and I’ve no doubt you will be fine.

You have behaved with superhuman grace and dignity. Totally agree not engage with her or tell her why, just drop her. And yes the H had to go. I put up with similar in ky marriage -was dismissed as banter but but at least was not with a ‘friend’.
No/ one with a gram of decency would engage a friends husband like that. I have been hit on by husbands and just completely refuse to respond!

Yes. The dialogue from both of them is cringey and inappropriate - over familiar.,

Just read update - sorry it ended although right decesion.

A brave and wise decision. Well done. Wishing you all the very best.

I'd divorce them both for all the 'X'ing alone.

Mindless pair.

He wants an affair with her. Stay strong op.

Excellent idea to divorce him and distance from the friend. Besides anything else they both sound beyond stupid and to be honest if human evolution has got us to the point where technology enables exchanges like that then honestly what is the point?!

I have to say that's one of the most nauseating text exchanges I have ever read.

He is fishing and brazenly flirting in my opinion. A huge step and red flag with bells on over my line of acceptability. You deserve better

Well done on being so strong and taking absolutely no more shit from him, or continuing a friendship with someone like her.

I wish you the very best for the future

After 20 years of marriage? So these people aren’t young adults? Yeah. I’d be out like a shot. Neither of them have any respect for you. And on top of that the language they use is beyond cringe. I find it hard to believe that anyone over 15 actually speaks like this.

If my friends husband messaged me like this, I’d have shut it down right away, not acted coy and flirty back.

Actually, if a grown man messaged me like this I’d probably vomit in my own mouth because it reads as though someone without a brain cell in their head wrote it.

I wonder if the people who are saying you should dump him, would do the same. After just one instance like this. Dump him, as if this just dating and not a whole marriage. I just wonder at times, the people who say dump him to an incident like this, are they just sitting behind a keyboard, drinking their nice hot chocolate and typing away, while waiting for the next interesting thread or would they actually file for divorce, like it's that simple. Poof. Gone..

By the way, I don't know what is the dynamic of your relationship OP but your husband is being a asshole at that moment and he was so wrong for doing that. Good luck.

It's not one instance.
It's a string of messages.
That's one instance each and every time he took out his phone and chose to send a message.
What I wonder about is why people are so keen for women to meekly accept shitty behaviour from men.

I would dump someone like this in a heartbeat. And have done. Found out my then DP was messaging a girl from work. We’d been together for 7 years and had children together. It was non negotiable for me. He had hooked our tv up to the PC we were using and left the screen open on his fb messages and fallen asleep. All messages there in all their 42” glory.
I packed his stuff and told him to leave. So yes, most of us saying “dump him” mean it. There are more women than you’d think out there unwilling to settle for this shit.