Husbands messages to a friend

[PRGirlUK]

Here's a message exchange between my husband and what was one of my close friends. I became aware of it as I watched it come through live on a computer I was using, which was synced to his phone he was using downstairs.

Husband - Oi [name of friend] how are you? X
Friend – Alreety poppet. I'm v good thanks. Is you ok? X
Husband - Good ta beautiful: you need to get your beautiful arse out for a drink. X
Friend - My god damn arse will be out tomoz. Is you??
Husband - Hell yeah, look forward to seeing you. X
Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X
Friend - Pfffffff yeah. Know of any spare ones
Husband - No just me.
Friend - Hmmmmmm
Husband - Your call eventually
Friend - Wat is?????
Husband - Nothing. See you tomorrow. X
Friend - Have a drink poppet x

I saw the friend the next day and she did not mention it. When I eventually challenged my husband he brushed it off as nothing and just banter, effectively minimising the impact it had on me, and that it was in my head that there was anything wrong with it. To me it is unacceptable and devastated me. Thoughts?

Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X

The inanity and the 'baby talk' are grounds alone for dumping, let alone any possible infidelity.

Agreed. I couldn’t respect any man who spoke like that either. I got the vicarious ick just reading the messages

That was grim reading . I actually cringed
Your ‘d’h wants to pursue a relationship . She is not interested but enjoys the ‘flirting’
Your husband is a creep and a total embarrassment .
Unforgivable

It's obviously not just one instance though. They are both too comfortable for it to be the first time.

The "You is" itself is imho valid reason or breakup 🙈 tbh I wouldn't even date someone with that writing

Exactly
The exchange is vomit inducing .

Glad to read you are divorcing that sleazy piece of shit.

Any friends/family ask why, give the screen shot as the final straw.

It will shame them both and will need zero futher explanation.

You will be fine. That was not a friend and I certainly wouldn't be covering for either of them.

Calling her beautiful, saying ‘yum’, and basically it’s her call whenever she wants him is a dumping offence. Sorry Op

YANBU. I don't understand why the friend didn't shut him down immediately and then tell you what had happened! It was vile to have to read this - I can't imagine how it just have made you feel. I'm single and plenty of my friends are married or in relationships. I would never "banter" with them (or any husbands) like that, it shows complete disrespect.

20 years of marriage means that he is at least 36. Yet reading those messages I assumed it was written by someone in their late teens or early twenties.

Good god that language is enough to give me the ick.

You absolutely deserve better than this. Being alone for the rest of your life would be better than that!!

Well done OP. Get yourself the best lawyer you can afford. He deserves a hammering.

You will have a tough year or two ahead but you will come through it stronger and wiser. I don’t care what else either of you have or haven’t done, what your history is, that message about ‘your call’ and the flirting is 💯 unacceptable. Without doubt. Don’t let him gaslight you.

Check out Dr Ramani on you tube. He may have a narcissistic personality style, in which case getting to fully understand that pattern of interaction will help you navigate the process ahead. Honestly.

Oh and OP keep your powder dry. Don’t tell him you want a divorce until you have;

Spoken to a lawyer
Got all the details of all the marital assets
Got all your important documents together.
Have an overnight bag packed and somewhere you can go in a hurry - you haven’t said much about him but my guess would be that his bruised ego when you finish it could induce rage. Probably not but better to have planned ahead.

Wishing you strength and peace.

if a friends husband messaged me like this I would not reply and be angst ridden about telling her
certainly would never go for a drink with him

they either have done something or are on the verge of it

You are being unreasonable to have married a teenager, and count another teenager amongst your best friends.

Unless you too are a teenager.

Good for you, OP ❤️

Absolutely unacceptable.
If a friends fella messaged me I wouldn’t respond. I would ditch the friend too, why is she putting kisses and flirting back?

Sorry op but this type of messaging would indicate to me something has already happened between them. It really is shit. Happened twice with me with close friends.

Edit: sorry didn’t mean to quote you!

Oh god, they both sound really irritating haha!

Your husband is out of line. Please don’t project this onto your friend. He messaged first, he was inappropriate, he was trying to lead the conversation.. I don’t often say get rid, but this would be it for me. I wouldn’t get over this.

Edited to say - sorry just read your reply. You’re done amazing 🙏🏽 stay strong, wishing you well xx

Get rid……….

Not only is he trying to stick it to your mate he’s also gaslighting you, pack your stuff and keep walking……..

Ickle pikey me lol? She sounds desperate with very low self esteem.
He is pathetic.
You are doing the right thing.

That was what I thought! Regardless, they both need to be dumped. She should have shot this down. And he's gross af.

Good for you. Best of luck!

If DH said yum to my friend I’d stick a firework up his arse

haha this- just reading that made me feel a bit queasy.

He's hardly James Bond is he? he's chasing her and she's not interested. However, I do think she should have shut him down immediately, I would have.

This. Get rid of him for his cringe text banter alone and his for his inability to talk like a sentient organism.

I don't think she is not interested tbh