To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

We were out today general shopping and lunch for kids during the school holiday, and DH popped into a shop to buy gift for her! Kids were with us and I didn’t want to ruin the day, so just politely walked out of the shop.

He said a few days before that my demand was she give back the money or else I won’t go/ will go and out her scam.
So now she’s given back the money…

Kid’s holidays here, so I am trying to not have an argument in front of the kids or get into a bad mood.

I said in the shop I feel really hot, sorry, getting some fresh air. He’s all about the obligation to keep up appearances.

I'd tell him that you couldn't give a fuck about keeping up appearances with the kind of people who rob Peter to pay Paul. You have no interest in socialising with this woman ever again, and if you ever find out that he has lent family money to her or anyone else again without your permission, he'll be in receipt of divorce papers before the week is out.

He wouldn't be going anywhere near her or her family without me.

Sorry OP I've become angry about your situation.

'He’s all about the obligation to keep up appearances.'

For what? How will that benefit either of you?

I would be very watchful now as he might be trusting this woman even more now as he will believe she is worthy of his trust as she has returned the money. He will see this as vindicating his belief in her. He is deluded and will ignore what it took to get it back and she will be able to say that she returned the first loan when he needed it.

Well it’s good news on the whole op.

Make sure the money is well protected!

Does the gift matter such a lot in the new context?

EtA some will say it does because they love to keep a drama thread on life support! I think you’ve done brilliantly. Many predicted you wouldn’t get it back. Just go to her party and feel rich and smug.

It seems to me she has some sort of hold over him, or he is besotted with her. I saw this with a family member DH hadn’t met long term (adopted) and I was being left out of conversations. It got to a point I asked our DD to sit nearby to assess if it was just me. And she felt there was something off about the woman as well.

can your children visit relatives or friends so you can sit down for a chat? There is nothing wrong that your feelings for her are different to his, but your relationship must come first in his eyes.

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when he went to her house, how on earth did he get it back! And you said you’d update as to plan to keep it and a big row so she can block dh? What does that mean?

'He’s all about the obligation to keep up appearances.'

At the expense of your respect/trust/relationship. Perhaps other posters are correct, is he infatuated by her? It's utterly bizarre.

Unbelievable... I second what PP say about him sounding besotted. She has really manipulated him.

He’s vile op. Leave the fuxker

I also think you’re being made a fool of. He is in love with this woman. It’s plain as day. Leave before your mental health ends up in tatters

Your husband couldn't even spell IQ!

Her refers to her as a financial advisor....I mean seriously she's a financial scammed and he is too stupid to realise it.

Very surprised you got the money back, it would be best spend in a divorce before this idiot gambles away your future if he makes such unilaterally stupid decisions.

I’m not so sure from what Op has said that it is like that.

Not every human interaction is about sex.

I think DH is impressed by The Finance Lady’s skills and credentials and his ego was a bit stroked to be involved as financing the Finance Lady.

Absolutely this! Why are you so blind OP??

Seek legal advice. Have a formal letter, setting out the details of the loan clearly and the terms under which it was to be repaid. Start asking regular commercial interest on the outstanding money.
Send the same letter, with interest requested each month.
You have given interest free money to these friends for long enough..

keep up. The money has been retuned. Now she still has to deal with idiotic and massively disloyal husband. He needs to cut contact with Ponzi woman. It’s messy. Tell OH’s sister what has been going on is my advice. Cut these people off completely.

Go to the party, Op, go sweetly, be bright and enjoy eating her food and drinking her champagne. Dance with DH and briefly mingle with host.

Make a bee line for her when she is with guests. Politely thank her for repaying the loan (within earshot of some others) and explain how you were SO glad to have given her an interest free loan for three months to help out her son right when he desperately needed the help. You are so pleased that he is back on his feet again; such a lovely son. He must make you so proud. She will thank you and you will say it was our pleasure, think nothing of it.

To her husband and son, thank them genuinely.

Make a pact with husband that you will not loan money to them ever again.
Always seek your own financial advice.

.

I've already told you want to do, say no we are not going or else we'll divorce. You obviously haven't told him. You're being a wet lettuce.

So pleased you have your money back.

It is so weird the hold this woman has over your DH. It's as if he hasn't learnt anything at all which is troubling in itself.

I can't believe he still wants to go to the party and has bought a present FFS. He needs to recognise that she has used him and absolutely not going to pay him back. She's an absolute cunt (and I really hate using that word)

Your DH seems to be massively overimpressed by people with money and to have a huge need to be liked. That's going to get him screwed over again if he isn't careful.

It's almost like he's a 15 year old boy who's been caught going to adult raves and been read the riot act by his mum, and he's afraid that if he doesn't turn up at the next rave everyone will know he's been grounded for being a naughty boy.

Or she could go to the party and start asking the other guests if she has also asked them to borrow money.

I wonder which mug she borrowed £40k from to pay the OP and her husband back.

You have debt yourself but lent somebody £40k. Just why? Have you got a formal agreement?

I see it's paid back. I couldn't be friends with such awful selfish people.