To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

I can't transfer £40k from one of my own accounts to another one of my own accounts that quickly

Barclays lets me pay out up to 50k per day.

That is brilliant news OP
note to your DH - do not borrow or lend money at all to anyone
it’s rare it ends well

You can transfer amounts like 40k easily from business accounts. Personal accounts would depend on your account.

My Business Account has a £20k per day limit but I do appreciate that others may have higher limits
I would wonder where this woman got £40k from instantly like that though,especially if she is an IFA. Hopefully it was hers to give

Depends on what's in her account or her DHs, perhaps even her sons. Who knows, as long as the money is paid back by the family who owe it.

Why would she not have 40k in her bank as an IFA?

If she did why would she need to borrow it from OP?
I do agree though, as long as the people who have borrowed it are the ones who have returned it OR if its someone else who knows where the money is going then its all good.
The concern is that if this women is a serial con woman she may have "borrowed" it from somewhere else.

Who can beat 0% interest while keeping your own cash in the bank?

Come to think of it not only does she get 0% interest on a long term loan (with no actual contact, she gets it on no terms and no actual evidence it was a loan), she gets to earn interest/invest on her 40+K while someone else is told to remortgage to fund their refurb while she gets to make money out of them.

She doesn't have to be robbing Peter to Pay Paul, borrowing on lower interest than you can earn is how the rich get to keep rich

I will update this thread again but I was so rundown and am catching up with laundry and work, (actually mostly chilling in the garden) today. DH has gone to visit his sister. I wish I could have gone too. Would have been nice break.
To those asking, SIL has nothing to do with it at all. If she heard she would tell DH off probably. Hasn’t a clue. He used his sis as an excuse to get money off CF as nothing was working. I think it’s his way of creating some distance from this woman. She was obsessed with helping her son and grandchildren buy a house and made DH suddenly feel like he’s her only friend.

I’ve been saying to DH to tell his family and friends - and I’ve gone out of my way to tell his brother which he didn’t want me to do, caused a massive argument. Don’t think his friends know either. This was after the second time asking back and he was upset about it himself around Christmas time. He seems to have got himself cornered alone by this CF and he felt too ashamed to even admit it. During that time I had said she could just sell a car or ask one of her friends for the money since we’re asking back for it? And he said that’s not how it works for rich people! Am I mad they don’t just go and sell a car!

Later he said, I know she could pay me back if she wanted to so I’m so pissed off!

He seems to think he is invested in propping up her lifestyle? He said she’s a multi millionaire and I’m being petty! He said she’s waiting for these tenants to move out and she’ll sell her house and we’ll have our money back.

errr
Dh has been totally humbled and really come down many pegs. Thing is she is not our financial advisor. We don’t have one. She’s just a ‘friend’ who is a financial advisor. So is that illegal? This is DH’s fault.

I think things changed because this is the first time I have played it differently by saying I WILL GO TO HER PARTY. This thread helped and getting different opinions on how to make it work for my benefit and get the money back by going (or at least threatening that Of course I’ll be going!) instead of avoiding.

I’m an introvert and avoid parties and conflict. Thought I can do it, I hate them.

Thank you to the posters who suggested turning up to the party, maybe armed with legal documents, making her uncomfortable and outing her scam.

DH assumed I would just bail out, as I’ve been avoiding her for a year and he’d love to go and mingle/enjoy by himself. I think he was starting to enjoy going by himself.

I really think she was planning to keep the money and for us (me and her) to have a conflict (I’ll update as to why)
and then she can block DH as a man who is harassing her…

We just feel so relieved to have the money back. Have paid off some of the loans. Kitchen - we might not pay that off as it’s 0% Paid off other bills.

Should I go to the party? Why??? I want to have nothing to do with her.

A part of me just wants to cry with relief! DH had even bought me a fountain for Mother’s Day from our DS and fixed it in the garden. Normally he’s really good!

I’m glad things have turned out okay in the end. Does your DH still want to be friends with her after the way she’s treated him?

He wants to go to the party 😒

Oh dear. He sounds almost star struck, wanting to hang around with the rich people. Pretending he can afford to lend them £40k suggests he’s pretending to be something he’s not. I hope things work out for you OP, but I’m not convinced you won’t have more problems like this in the future. Has he agreed to hand full control of the finances to you at least?

Realistically are you/he even still invited now shes had to hand back £40K?

I would gather all the info and report her to the FCA.

You have your money back now, nothing to lose.

I worked for some very wealthy people, it's quite a heady experience to be around money, isn't it. I can see how your DH has been drawn in.

Were I you (and you have probably already done this) I would point out that while she was able to keep her money to make money for her and not having any legal documentation around the loan, any payment or interest terms that it is less likely she would have paid it back at any time. In the meantime she was suggesting that he and you not only pay interest on a remortgage for him having helped her for 0%, she was trying to encourage tying up both your property effectively costing you more money if you needed to sell up and break a trust to move to a suitable house for you future.

Financal problems are an absolute killer for relationships as you well know. So effectively she was willing to leave you both without money, remortgaged paying interest for years to come, potentially paying out more money than need be in putting your house in a trust and causing arguments in your marriage and causing a rift between you so he attends the parties without you and she can potentially make up any lies she likes to get him out of the way, out of work and break up his family whenever it suits her. All so she could have a 40K loan, nah she was hoping to tie him up in so many distractions he wouldn't notice them fading out from his life and not repaying a penny and then sticking him for more money.

I'd ask him exactly why he thinks these are the actions of a friend. And what on earth does he think he has done to cause such hatred.

These people are manipulators, they are parasites on normal working people, she probably thought taking your money was fucking hilarious. I wouldn't be anywhere near friends like this, they are no friends at all.

Stay friends with these people and they will bleed you both dry and break up your family, they are a poison without an antidote.

“Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!”

William Shakespeare

Honestly OP, your husband is such a weak creep.
Ready to sacrifice his own family to fund his betters.
How can you even look at him.
NEVER trust him again.

You are 10 times the person he is.
NEVER trust him again.
Tell everyone about her.
I would absolutely be reporting her to her regulatory body.

She's a grifter and your moron of a husband was her dumb mark.

If you go to the party laugh and chat and smile. If she mentions it say cheerfully oh yes we were getting quite concerned, 40k is a lot of money for us to not know when you can give it back (she won’t be expecting you to say details out loud, she doesn’t want anyone to know that, this will back foot her and she won’t want anyone to hear) , glad you’ve got your finances in order.

Your DH is an idiot. Glad you've the money back. As for a gift for her 50th. The interest free loan is sufficient!! Frankly she should have offered/paid interest to you. Particularly if the loan has cost you money (interest you've paid out as the money hasn't been available to pay off your bills!).

Your husband is honestly baffling me. How could you be with someone like this. All the aggravation she has caused you- his wife, arguments caused etc, and all he says is what present shall we buy her for her party. I’d be telling him to take a running jump!
of course it isnt just her fault- this fool of a man leant her the money in the first place. However rhere is something greatly amiss here and I don’t think you have been told the truth. There is a lot of secret conversations and quick ‘pop ins’

Absolutely this.
Even if she doesn't mention it, tell her that you are relieved she has repaid the £40k as you were very concerned you might not see it again with a "tinkley laugh".

In a nice clear voice so that those around you will hear and think WTF.

He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her.

have you secured all avenues of family funding?

she is flattering him with attention. Count struck without the o. I’ve seen this with DH when he engaging with a bio sister after not knowing his bio half. She tried working a treat with him. Almost reads like a book.

How is it going now? Does he still want to go? Have you decided whether or not to go? Did you get to the bottom of how he got such a big bank transfer so quickly?