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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

333 replies

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 31/03/2025 20:39

I'd usually think it was awful to call a child a name like that. But if a 14 YO is continuously leaving a mess in the toilet despite it being raised every time, maybe a bit of shaming is necessary.

Superanova · 31/03/2025 20:39

Some people really will find any excuse to defend men and boys.

Lookuptotheskies · 31/03/2025 20:39

My youngest son is six. When he's done having a stand up wee he checks around the toilet and if there is even a DROP of wee (his aim is generally good) he cleans it up himself.

YANBU.

Your partner is a lazy parent raising a tramp.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 31/03/2025 20:40

BBT213 · 31/03/2025 20:36

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

There's your first mistake

This.

Women need to lose their shit far more often, to a far greater degree and for far longer on this planet.

I would be getting in a professional cleaner and laddo would be paying until he can pick up his game.

AmusedGoose · 31/03/2025 20:40

YABU. He's a child. It's wee not nuclear waste. He may have a problem such as a tight foreskin or bent penis, his parents are separated and his SM is unpleasant. This is something your DH should talk to him about. You sound like you dont like him one bit. I think you should leave and then you can have a nice clean toilet with the seat down all the time.

Maray1967 · 31/03/2025 20:41

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2025 20:15

Absolute bollocks it is. Please, raise your standards. I grew up with two brothers, a dad, I’ve have had two husbands, a step son and loads of male friends and I have never known any of them behave so revoltingly.

It’s not normal. It’s not acceptable.

Show quote history

Agreed. Neither of my two pee all over the seat/floor. Something has gone seriously wrong in homes where teen boys do this more than once. The consequences should be so bad they never do it more than once.

StMarie4me · 31/03/2025 20:42

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

I raised 3. None of them ever did this.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/03/2025 20:42

My 2 year old doesn't even make that much mess when using the loo. What on earth is he doing?

Calling him a fucking tramp isn't your finest moment but I understand the frustration. Maybe DH cleaning it up every time will help stop it.

StMarie4me · 31/03/2025 20:43

Tell him he needs to sit down to pee until he can do it properly.

Allthegoodhorses · 31/03/2025 20:43

Viviennemary · 31/03/2025 20:16

Your language is a disgrace. That needs to be cleaned up for a start.

Ah.. yet again @Viviennemary you go against the grain on every thread. I am convinced you are a hairy arsed builder on the windup. If someone pissed all over my bathroom I would be calling him far worse than a tramp.. go figure

custardlover · 31/03/2025 20:43

If my husband said that about my DS, and he is his father, I would be absolutely furious. Disgusting language about a child and hideous behaviour in your part.

Riaanna · 31/03/2025 20:44

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

It really is not!

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:45

Teenage boys so do wee on the toilet seat! It's gross but they do 😭

Thank goodness I have a girl anyway

TheFairyCaravan · 31/03/2025 20:45

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:13

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

No, this is absolutely not teenage boys at all.

We brought up two sons and neither of us would have put up with that. DH would have been furious if they had left the toilet in mess like that, especially for me to use after. He’d have probably called them tramps tbh.

Some women have such low standards when it comes to the males in their lives. It’s ridiculous. Aim higher,

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 20:45

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:45

Teenage boys so do wee on the toilet seat! It's gross but they do 😭

Thank goodness I have a girl anyway

No, they don’t. Not unless they have no respect for anyone else.

Disgusting.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:47

TheFairyCaravan · 31/03/2025 20:45

No, this is absolutely not teenage boys at all.

We brought up two sons and neither of us would have put up with that. DH would have been furious if they had left the toilet in mess like that, especially for me to use after. He’d have probably called them tramps tbh.

Some women have such low standards when it comes to the males in their lives. It’s ridiculous. Aim higher,

Show quote history

Calm down I don't have low standards nor do I have teenage boys in my life

They're disgusting - but even if you don't agree, shouting at a kid that isn't yours and and calling him names is not on

I'd be calling the husband names for allowing this though

Maray1967 · 31/03/2025 20:47

For God’s sake, I don’t normally condone swearing at DC, but mine would have heard that and worse from me if they pissed all over the toilet/floor.

What do you think will work? A gentle reminder? Don’t be ridiculous. I would have bollocked mine so loudly half the street would have heard.

Maray1967 · 31/03/2025 20:48

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:45

Teenage boys so do wee on the toilet seat! It's gross but they do 😭

Thank goodness I have a girl anyway

From a mother of 24 and 17 year old males - no they don’t.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:48

Well the horror stories I've heard about how gross teenage boys are have informed my opinion, but I'm happy to revise it

I still say that I'd be holding dh accountable, not shouting at a step kid

Thisisittheapocalypse · 31/03/2025 20:52

I'd ban them both from the toilet you use and tell your DH he can share with his disgusting teen. He can chase him to clean up his own piss or do it for him. You're done.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 31/03/2025 20:53

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 20:33

Oh boo hoo OP is such a martyr for being called out on abusive language.

Show quote history

You clearly have very low standards. I would be calling him more than a tramp if he kept doing this after I continuously call him out on it. He’s 14 not 5 and heard worse language than this. I would have no problem with my dp calling my son this if he continued to disrespect the household this way

TheFairyCaravan · 31/03/2025 20:53

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/03/2025 20:47

Calm down I don't have low standards nor do I have teenage boys in my life

They're disgusting - but even if you don't agree, shouting at a kid that isn't yours and and calling him names is not on

I'd be calling the husband names for allowing this though

Show quote history

I don’t need to calm down because I’m not riled.

The OP has every right to shout at someone who is pee’ing all over her toilet and not clearing up after himself. And the person in question is 14 not 5. If he doesn’t want to be called a tramp, then he needs to stop acting like one.

BlinkFifteen · 31/03/2025 20:53

Lookuptotheskies · 31/03/2025 20:39

My youngest son is six. When he's done having a stand up wee he checks around the toilet and if there is even a DROP of wee (his aim is generally good) he cleans it up himself.

YANBU.

Your partner is a lazy parent raising a tramp.

This ^ I raised two sons and they were taught to check the toilet after they have used it and cleaned up anything including any skid marks. Dh is also a very clean man and has never pissed on the toilet seat or if he has I have never seen it because it is clean when I use it.

The SS needs to be taught to check after he has used it, not wait for someone else to spot it.

Lilactimes · 31/03/2025 20:54

I would not be able to cope.

have you tried buying these?

Lovein Bathroom Toilet Seat Decal Art Stickers Hit The Target https://amzn.eu/d/e8FXUPq

samarrange · 31/03/2025 20:55

Teenage boys (a) get a lot of erections and (b) masturbate a lot. Urinating with a partial erection, or after ejaculation with a bit of semen still in the urinary tract, can both result in a spray rather than a stream. Sitting down to pee is a good idea at such moments. Maybe DH - who will have experience of this - could have a word with DSS. (And if he is studying German at school you can maybe teach him the wonderful word "Sitzpinkler".)