I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

[ionlysaidone1]

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

yes but he's 14. If he has accidentally pissed all over, he understands very well that either he cleans it up, or stepmum will discover it.

I've got a 5 year old who occasionally gets pee on the seat, even now at his age. he will make an attempt to clean up after himself. No excuse for a teenager to not be cleaning up after himself, disgusting and lazy. Your language wasn't good, but your husband needs to be doing a better job.

I live with 3 males & honestly have never had an issue with piss all over the floor! Why are some males so gross! So disrespectful of your DH & SS to expect you to clean it up OP!

I have low standards because I wouldn’t agree with my kids being called abusive names?

It sounds disgusting and I see your point of view. However had my dad left my mum for a new wife, I would have behaved exactly like Diana, Princess of Wales to her sm, i.e. drop sm's jewellery down the toilet, not just pee in between the cistern and the seat. Jealousy makes one do all sorts of things.

Such a strange response

I've got a 14yo, no pissy toilets or floors here, and he uses the loo brush after a poo too. He is by no means perfect in other ways, but he understands that leaving a wet/dirty toilet is disrespectful to other users.

You're right to challenge the behaviour and it's a shame you didn't have more support from your DH in doing so but there are respectful ways of doing this. In my house speaking to someone like that - let alone a family member and a child at that - would be unforgiveable I'm afraid.

JFC, he’s 14. I would like to think if he had a bent penis he could at least hold it straight and his parents would have taken him to see a medic. At worst, even with a medical condition a sit down wee would stop this.

I have a DH, I have a son who has indeed dribbled on the floor in the past and got his arse handed to him, not acceptable.

This is a lazy arsed teenager who doesn’t care about pissing on the floor because he doesn’t have to clean his own piss up.

I think tramp is quite mild. I would have said selfish, uncouth disgusting pig.

This is a teenager who being a disgusting teenager

The op should be pissed off at her man, not shouting and calling a kid names

But yes, her man does need to stop this behaviour

You seemed riled but I'm glad you're not

However had my dad left my mum for a new wife

I didn't see any mention about who left whom and for what reason? And even if he did, pissing all over the place to punish the stepmum is still disgusting.

Agreed. Horrible.

I've heard horror stories about teenage boys - they're gross

Either way, namecalling at a kid who isn't mine is a big no

Yet again astonished at the low bar so many set for their children.
He is not a ‘poor boy’.
He is not being abused.
He is not a small child.
This should not be ‘just teenage boys’
For gods sake.
Expecting a urine free toilet in your own home is not a huge or unreasonable ask!

Well if you think “fucking tramp” is a mild thing to say to a 14 year old I’m glad I have nothing to do with your family.

15 and 17 sons here. No mess here. When they younger (below 10) they were informed that they either learnt to aim or the compost heap was that way.

I grew up with brothers and have two sons 15 and 12. The only one who repeatedly does this is the 15 year old who's autistic. Never seen any other teen do it. The 12 year old don't and if he did he would clean up after himself. If dss doesn't have a disability he just doesn't give a fuck. But what's even worse is that his father doesn't care either so ofcourse he's going to keep on doing it. It's vile.

It’s not a big ask, but swearing and name calling about the teen is too much. She should either handle it like an adult or take her anger out on her DH and his shit parenting.

I think if my own DC did that and I'd come to the end of my tether then I'd probably say the same to be fair. Your DP is over reacting about the comment to offset his lazy parenting. There are some 'teenagery' things you can ignore but when your desperate for a wee and have to clean up first, it's dire.

Where did you get that she screamed at him?
Personally I think it's abusive of a 14 year old to piss all over the toilet seat and floor when he knows someone else will be using it and he has been asked repeatedly to clear it up. A 14 year old who knowingly repeatedly pisses on the toilet seat and floor thinks he is better than the woman he expects to clean it up which is horribly disrespectful and needs stopping now.

I also think it's abusive of his father to gaslight the OP, minimise it and expect the OP to clear up his son's piss. He is teaching his son that his behaviour is fine and the woman should put up and shut up because "it's not that bad". He should be immediately apologising, cleaning it up and having a very stern word with his own child. Which would mean that the OP would not have to deal with it or get cross at all. How much abuse should the OP put up with from these two males before she's allowed to snap?

I'm willing to bet that this isn't the only disrespectful behaviour from the stepson that the dad minimises.

And if you think a 14 year old repeatedly pissing all over the seat and leaving it for everyone else to clean up is ok, then I’m glad I’m not part of yours.

It’s disgusting and that is what most people think of people like that. It doesn’t matter if his mummy and daddy split up.

So? There's nothing stopping the lazy sod from cleaning up after himself.

It definitely isn’t all teenage boys. My son is now in his 20’s and remains disorganised and untidy, but he has never left wee on or around the toilet seat. Thinking back neither did any of his friends when they used to congregate here at evenings and weekends.
It is disrespectful and there is NO excuse for not wiping up any misses.
If his father had been even the slightest bit proactive things wouldn’t have deteriorated this far.

What? This is not teenage boys. I have a teenage boy who has friends round every day and I have never walked into any of my bathrooms and found piss everywhere.

If I did, I would certainly shout at anyone who did it. They are literally stood there looking at their urine as they go. It is not an accident. It’s disgusting and highly disrespectful.