I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

[ionlysaidone1]

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

The thing is, no one should need to be shouting at a stepkid. Their own parent should be sorting out any problems before they get to this stage. Thats the failing, not OP losing her shit after it happens over and over again.

Agree that the man should be dealing with this

I'd be having a go at dh as its not nice to live with that

Dear me.

You are not unreasonable to be upset.

You are very unreasonable to call him a fucking tramp.

To be cross is one thing. To be openly contemptuous and hostile is quite another.

You say “He’s disgusting”. Not the piss on the floor, not the disregard for your home, HE is disgusting. And a tramp. You clearly dislike him deeply.

I wouldn’t allow my child to be spoken about like that in his own home, no matter what he had done. If I were your partner I’d be packing my bags.

The solution is to allocate one toilet for the household males and their horrible splashy urinary equipment, and to banish them all to it. Works in our house. If anyone is particularly trampy, they sort it out between themselves.

It really isn’t teenage boys. Sorry your standards are so low.

Somebody with a wonky knob who isn't a filthy bastard would sit down instead.

Also, since it’s probably quite obvious you don’t like him, it’s also quite possible that he’s picked up on this and he doesn’t like you either? Maybe that’s why he keeps doing it? To wind you up. This is the sort of dysfunctional dynamic that can develop when relationships are really poor.

I’d rather burn alive than have stepchildren for this reason. Terrorised, uncomfortable and you can’t say shit.

Leave these filthy disrespectful tramps OP, both of them.

My standards are not low 🙄

I don't have boys but have heard the horror stories from other parents about their gross teenage boys 🤢

What a horrible way to talk about a child.

And interrupt whatever he is doing at the time until he does it.

Read OP's opening post - she is not "openly contemptuous and hostile" towards her SS, even when he pisses all around her loo - she shouts for him to come and clean up after himself and she has to do this REPEATEDLY because he keeps carelessly pissing REPEATEDLY. This evening she called him a "fucking tramp" when he wasn't even in the room and didn't hear it, but her DH did and then minimised his son's vile, disgusting behaviour because he doesn't have to clean it up.
@ionlysaidone1 Congratulations on your restraint OP. I would be telling DH that if he can't parent his DS appropriately to ensure this never happens again, then you will be hiring a Portaloo for the garden where SS can do his business henceforth (and I wouldn't be joking either!)

My word would have been a lot stronger than "tramp."

If he can't properly use the toilet, he can wear adult diapers, or his father can take him to a Premier Inn. No one who urinates on the floor is welcome in my home.

Two DS here. One age nearly 17 the other age 5.

DS17 is significantly better since I told him he's nearly a grown adult, stop being a scruffy little shit. Wee goes in the toilet not around it. I also bought some toilet wipes, floor wipes and spray and then regularly checked after use. If it was a mess, he cleaned it.

DS5 has the odd accident but is quite good at directing his wee into the toilet so far. He tells me after use if it needs a wipe round.

They are told if you can't wee standing without the mess then sit down to wee.

There needs to be consequences when the child refused to clean up after themselves. Grounding? Withdrawing wifi? If he is going to act like an animal and keep fouling the place he needs to be made to do it in the garden like an animal.

I wouldn't have time for this. Much younger children who have actual accidents are still expected to clean it up and rightfully so.

I'd be putting it on social media and tagging him each and every time. "Oliver missed the toilet again. Shame that a 14-year-old can't properly use the loo."

Maybe that would cure him.

Exactly.

Mn is a bit odd tonight, there's another thread with 14 and 11 year old boys not able to eat properly in the OPs house and the excuses range from "they are only young" 🙄 to "poor boys having to spend time in a place that isn't their home" 🤣🤣

No wonder some men grow up with such a huge sense of entitlement.

Piss everywhere? Let the woman clear it up, and WOE BETIDE her if she DARES to verbalise her anger!!
Eat like a 3 year old with mess everywhere? Let the woman clear it up, and HOW DARE SHE negatively comment on the precious angels behaviour

I can only hope that MN is having an influx of men commenting, because if these excuses/replies are really written by women, I despair even more

But he is disgusting. He's making a mess and not bothering to clean up after himself. I would dislike someone who was as dirty and disrespectful as that and certainly wouldn't want them in my home.

There's got to be more to this than the toilet problem. What other things are you finding tough in this situation?

Husband really needs to sort this one out.

If this is the only problem you have with him, it feels really cruel. I'm thinking you have much more of an issue beyond the loo.

And then the tile gets saturated with piss and who gets to deal with that eventually?

He can use a bucket in the garden. Seriously. I'd be getting a lock for the oustide of the bathroom door and wearing the key on a string around my neck. Let them figure out a solution for themselves.

There is no way I would be that disrespected in my own home.

Men pissing on things is them asserting dominance.

He's doing it on purpose to control you.

He knows it winds you up.

He's not attempting to dominate his father - he's dominating you.

Do you have a second loo? One for the ones who don't think piss everywhere is an issue, one for you?

And tell us you don't clean it up for him?

The most I'd do is present the cleaning things to his father, inform him his son has marked his territory again and tell him to get it cleared up.

Well your DH needs to sort things with his son. I completely get that it’s all a bit disgusting but you don’t call kids names. Your DH needs to step up and parent.

I think you're right in being angry/frustrated - and you apologised for the name calling which is admittance that it probably wasn't the best approach. What does DH suggest as a means to solve?

I’m wondering if he does this at home and how his mother deals with it?
Op I don’t blame you. If it’s that’s quick to clean up and no big deal then the son should be doing it himself before leaving the toilet. Or I’m sure his df won’t mind cleaning his piss up.
As for calling him a fucking tramp he’ll be hearing a lot worse than that when he’s at school and out with his mates. He’s not five.