Cheap engagement ring. AIBU

[Georgia1105]

Hi. I’ll give you full picture, I’d really like to know others opinions on whether I’m being unreadable or not. So me and my fiancé have been together 10 years. We have 2 children together. My first engagement ring was about 6 months into our relationship. He never really ‘proposed’ to me. He just casually looked at rings and we discussed which ones I liked. I think I may have even put something towards the ring I’m not entirely sure. I was young and just happy to be proposed to. Although I have a different view now being 34 years old.. back then I was happy. Some years later we briefly separated and I told him I didn’t want to engaged. When we got back together, I said he’d have to propose again and properly. As he never officially asked me the first time. There was no emotional moment of getting down on one knee or anything like that. I believe every lady deserves that sort of effort from the man she’d be spending the rest of her life with. Anyways months later he ended up asking me to marry him when I was feeling icky, sat on my sofa with greasy hair and on my period. The kids were in the room. It wasn’t Romantic at all. I mean can this man not put any effort in? And the ring well…. He left it in the gift bag so I looked up the store he bought it from. As soon as I go onto the website … boom it’s there. The price was £379 or there abouts. So he didn’t spend much on it at all…. Nor did it seem like he put much thought into searching for a ring which I might like. Just the first one that pops up on the website. I can’t help but feel cheated out of a nice romantic proposal and a half decent ring. I can’t even stand to wear it never mind look at it. I feel angry. I’d like genuine thoughts am I being reasonable here?

I think a proposal should always be special and I would be disappointed with that ring, sorry OP. Part of the loveliness of it is that it is a ‘once in a lifetime’ event and that your partner has planned something special, that includes saving for a decent ring. I would rather the proposal was delayed and my partner spent more time saving / putting effort into a decent ring and proposal.

FYI My ring was £3,750, and part of my appreciation of my partner, the proposal and the ring was the fact he had spent ages choosing and then saving for it.

Surely you don’t consider yourself ‘on the market and available’ when you have been with someone for 10 years and have 2 children together? How can he be ‘taking you off the market’? I can’t believe I’m reading this nonsense.

If it was the ring of your dreams but cost that much would you be happy? I hated the ring I was proposed to and told my now dh that and we went together to try some on.

Maybe suggest that then get something you are proud of wearing as you hopefully have to wear it for life.

Right! You have already agreed on the treatment (poor, unromantic , putting cart before horse) now you are shocked that he is haggling over the price?

PS my dh of 35 years proposed with a bakelite ring too small for my finger. I don’t even have a wearable engagement ring. Its not the ring but the relationship that matters.

If this is typical of how he is all the time then I can understand you being upset. Does he spend loads on himself and very little thought and money on you? If so you have every right to feel this way. If however he’s a brilliant husband and dad, helps at home, good with the kids etc and he’s just a bit rubbish at gifts, or even just rings, then I’d give him a pass. There’s more important things than rings at the end of the day. However if he’s not so great in general and you’re regularly left feeling let down then maybe it’s time to reevaluate. Life taught me the marriage is more important than the wedding or the rings. Sure it’s great to get it all, but amazing rings aren’t worth much long term if the marriage is a disaster.

I think you sound like a spoiled brat tbh. You really need to grow up, I think I actually feel more sorry for him. Yes big romantic proposals are lovely IF you can afford them and are 20. You've been together 10yrs and have 2 kids I think making it legal is just a formality at this stage. But I'd think long and hard about if it's what you both want because you sound like you want a Disney prince and he sounds like he needs a medal for putting up with your ungrateful self. Oh and as a side note my engagement ring was less than yours and I LOVE IT because it's from the father of my child, my wedding ring was £45 because at the time it was all we could afford and 6yrs down the line we still can't afford a more expensive one because expensive jewelery isn't a priority in our lives but our son is and that's who we spend our money on.

DH didn't get down on one knee.
He decided a weekend break in the Lake District would be an ideal location, and it rained before we got there until after we left.
He proposed in the car in Windermere (I think - it all looked the same in the rain).
We did have some rather fantastic sex in the jacuzzi tho and watched the Monaco GP from the 4 poster bed

That ring lasted about a month (cost about £300) before a stone fell out, so I now own our third attempt which I chose after a further failure which cost a bit more, but I never wear it anyway. I don't wear my original wedding ring either, and our wedding was just us and 2 witnesses at a Reg Office - no dress, flowers, cake, party, etc.
We've been together for 20+ yrs. He's still my best friend.

You've already got kids with yours. I think you're putting too much emotional meaning in something that he doesn't care about - it's just a bit of metal to him. Maybe he'd rather spend more money on the kids or a family holiday?

Materialistic. From a man's point of view I'd run a mile. Be grateful he proposed.

I completely disagree. Everyone deserves to feel special and romantic, not just those in their 20s or who have lots of money. DH was 43 and we had one child when he proposed to me, proper ring and planned proposal.

I would want a bit of a grand gesture when I get a proposal yes as I would want my partner to make me feel really special. I don't like jewellery, I never have but over £300 sounds a lot to me. I do want a really gorgeous dress though. He should hopefully know you well enough to know what you like. If he doesn't, spell it out to him.

My wedding ring was £10 on Amazon. We got married in New York and I couldn’t care less about my ring. However, my husband is a goodun and we have a great relationship.

Sounds like you don’t really like him?

The way you have written this makes you seem almost shallow especially with the dig about cost. Some people the romance comes naturally, some it doesn’t…

But you’ve accepted this behaviour for a decade and had 2 children with the man. He’s shown you who he is well before now. I’m amazed you’re surprised by this. Does he make an effort in any other area of your relationship?

I had sympathy until your “take off the market” comment. Women are not a commodity!

How much do you think the ring should cost OP and how much will you be spending on his ring/grand gesture?

I only plan on getting married once. I want it to be a romantic, memorable moment. If it’s going to be half assed then what’s the point?

The point is to provide security for yourself and your minor children. Nothing more because all other ships have long since left port.

Same here! Conversation went something like this:

DH - Do you want kids?
Me - yeah
DH - Do you want to be married before we have them?
Me - That would be nice
DH - Shall we get married then?
Me - OK

Been happily married 11 years this Saturday!

Fuck me, this man has bought you not one, but two engagement rings, and you're still moaning. You really aren't making yourself look good here.

The cost of the ring means nothing. My ring was £600 nearly 20 years ago and is broken. I keep meaning to get it fixed but don’t have the spare cash.

is it worth spending what you think is a decent amount or would you rather take the family on a nice trip away or pay a babysitter and go out as a couple.

if you really don’t like the ring and can return it or swap it then do so. It will just bug you otherwise.

People aren’t saying you deserve a low effort proposal. You came after other posters saying they had low standards and that you are high maintenance. People have simply responded to let you know that you aren’t as high maintenance as you think.

The fact that it’s been 10 years and you already have 2 children together does make a difference. If you were “high maintenance” you wouldn’t have had children with him before the big, romantic proposal that you want and the flashy diamond ring on your finger.

Created an account just to say I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and I'm really sorry you feel disappointed in the proposal. You deserve to feel special and I hope there will another opportunity that he can show you that you're cherished.

Feel quite frustrated that people are suggesting you're being 'princessy' or entitled for expecting the bare minimum of effort. I'm sure if you were the one proposing you'd have gone out of your way to make it special and romantic for your partner - I genuinely don't get this attitude that women should be grateful for whatever scrap of attention a man throws their way. Apparently the bar is on the floor!

What's a "proper" ring?

I don’t think the price of the ring matters. I think mine was under £500 🤷‍♀️ However, my DH went all out on the actual proposal and it was so sweet and romantic, really putting me first. It sounds like he couldn’t be bothered and that’s what would have been upsetting to me, not the price of the ring.

Why do you need a ring? If there is no intention to marry, you aren’t engaged.