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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cheap engagement ring. AIBU

206 replies

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 00:48

Hi. I’ll give you full picture, I’d really like to know others opinions on whether I’m being unreadable or not. So me and my fiancé have been together 10 years. We have 2 children together. My first engagement ring was about 6 months into our relationship. He never really ‘proposed’ to me. He just casually looked at rings and we discussed which ones I liked. I think I may have even put something towards the ring I’m not entirely sure. I was young and just happy to be proposed to. Although I have a different view now being 34 years old.. back then I was happy. Some years later we briefly separated and I told him I didn’t want to engaged. When we got back together, I said he’d have to propose again and properly. As he never officially asked me the first time. There was no emotional moment of getting down on one knee or anything like that. I believe every lady deserves that sort of effort from the man she’d be spending the rest of her life with. Anyways months later he ended up asking me to marry him when I was feeling icky, sat on my sofa with greasy hair and on my period. The kids were in the room. It wasn’t Romantic at all. I mean can this man not put any effort in? And the ring well…. He left it in the gift bag so I looked up the store he bought it from. As soon as I go onto the website … boom it’s there. The price was £379 or there abouts. So he didn’t spend much on it at all…. Nor did it seem like he put much thought into searching for a ring which I might like. Just the first one that pops up on the website. I can’t help but feel cheated out of a nice romantic proposal and a half decent ring. I can’t even stand to wear it never mind look at it. I feel angry. I’d like genuine thoughts am I being reasonable here?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 31/03/2025 00:51

You're going to get a lot of flack I imagine but the whole thing just sounds a bit lacklustre, not very thoughtful or romantic. It's not about the cost necessarily but the effort and thought.

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 31/03/2025 00:52

If you loved him and wanted to marry him, you wouldn’t care about the proposal or the ring. It doesn’t actually sound like you even like him much. Do you really want to carry on with this whole relationship?

ilovesooty · 31/03/2025 00:53

Do you even want to marry him at all?

iamnotalemon · 31/03/2025 00:54

It depends on what he’s like as a dad and a partner and in the rest of your relationship.

bridgetreilly · 31/03/2025 00:55

You’ve been together ten years and have two children. It doesn’t sound to me as though you are engaged at all, because if so, you’d have been married for years by now.

Enko · 31/03/2025 00:56

We spend £250 on mine 31 years ago and I still love to look at it. Currently in for repair as I lost a diamond of it. Will cost £150. So have spent more on repairs (had it repaired once 10 years ago) than the ring.

Do you like the ring? Is it your style? Will it work for you every day? If answers to that is yes then ignore the price.

I get feeling disappointed about a unromantic proposal.. many wont but I get that.

HeddaGarbled · 31/03/2025 00:56

When we got back together, I said he’d have to propose again and properly. As he never officially asked me the first time. There was no emotional moment of getting down on one knee or anything like that. I believe every lady deserves that sort of effort from the man she’d be spending the rest of her life with

Oh, just get married. 10 years and 2 kids, that ship’s long sailed.

magiciansgirlonce · 31/03/2025 01:00

I'm thinking the same? Do you want to marry him after being together so long? The ring , think it depends on his financial state and the lack of romance, believe me I really think the getting down on one knee and asking properly only happens on tv. Good luck anyway , have a long think about what you really want.

GoodVibesHere · 31/03/2025 01:00

I mean £379 is plenty of money really. I think you are the one being unromantic by being so concerned about cost.

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:05

I do want to carry on with the relationship. I just wanted to see some real thought and effort from him to make it a special, memorable moment.

OP posts:
Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:06

I do! I just wanted more thought, effort and romance

OP posts:
Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:07

The ring is very modest. And I don’t exactly feel proud to wear it if I’m being honest.

OP posts:
Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:08

31 years ago that would have been an expensive ring. Mine was £300 today…

OP posts:
Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:09

He is a good dad. And the rest of our relationship is pretty good at the moment. We’ve had problems but grown an awful lot. He makes me happy but I just wanted more thought and effort from him

OP posts:
Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:11

Thanks! Is getting down on one knee really what happens mainly on TV? I’m autistic, not being ingnorant. I thought it was the norm to get down on one knee..

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 31/03/2025 01:32

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:07

The ring is very modest. And I don’t exactly feel proud to wear it if I’m being honest.

So what other people think is more important? you want the idea of 'look he is mine' rather than it actually working?

Eenameenadeeka · 31/03/2025 01:36

Getting down on one knee and a romantic proposal is one thing, and not all men are great at that, but you looking up the ring online and complaining that it doesn't cost enough is pretty unreasonable and ungrateful in my opinion. If you already have children then maybe he has other financial priorities over an expensive ring? Not that I'd ever be fussed over the cost personally.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 31/03/2025 01:40

I think if he was thoughtful and loving and had made you feel special then the actual cost of the ring wouldn't have mattered so much to you.

He made zero effort, didn't even take the ring out of the gift bag and chose a moment when he knew you were feeling crap.

He could have got childcare for the kids and taken you for a romantic walk or picnic etc if money is tight. Said some lovely words and chosen a day when you felt beautiful.

His whole attitude stinks and he is acting like he is being forced into being engaged.

PP are fixating on you mentioning the price, but I personally suspect the other things are the real issue.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 31/03/2025 01:44

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 01:11

Thanks! Is getting down on one knee really what happens mainly on TV? I’m autistic, not being ingnorant. I thought it was the norm to get down on one knee..

Everyone I know was proposed to on one knee... My DH and I had discussed marriage and I chose my ring as I am picky, but he still did the "proper" proposal.

Yeah, actually when I think about it I don't know anyone who didn't get that in some form or another.

Some friends/family had extravagant helicopter rides and others were proposed to on the beach with a simple band... But effort for the "proposal moment" is important regardless of budget. It is showing that you are valued by him and he is excited to spend his life with you.

A "modest" ring is still beautiful and no one judges that sort of thing, but if you are really set on something else you could always get a moissanite at a later date. They are lovely and sparkly and really popular now as an ethical choice away from diamonds.

Georgia1105 · 31/03/2025 02:01

Thanks this is generally how I’m feeling. It’s important to me to have a grand gesture from the man who wants me to spend the rest of my life with him. Not some shitty half assed effort in the front room. I’m not materlistic in terms of I don’t care for an expensive gown or wedding venue. I’d be happier and must more comfortable if it was just the two of us. But a ring has to last a whole lifetime. Every woman deserves a decent quality ring in my opinion if the man wants to be the one to take her off the market… the question now is what should I do? Complain about the ring and proposal? I did actually say to him in the moment.. really ? Your doing this right now? And his response was ‘I just couldn’t wait’. Hmmmm. I feel he was pressured into doing it as he was being teased by friends of ours for having not done it yet. He swears that’s not the case but I think it is.

OP posts:
Crazycatlady79 · 31/03/2025 02:38

Every woman deserves a decent quality ring in my opinion if the man wants to be the one to take her off the market

Women are not houses for sale! 😂😂😂

Bigcat25 · 31/03/2025 02:49

Your feelings are valid op. I didn't want a big expensive wedding or dress but I did want a decently nice ring. (don't have a diamond) Jewellery is a bit of an interest of mine, not from a bling perspective, or that I need to own much of it, but I did want a ring I liked as you said it's for the rest of your life.

My husband actually proposed with a family ring (divorce ring) after a week or two I told him I wanted a different ring and he was cool with that. I know some people who wanted to spend very little on a ring and that is fine too. Ideally he'll consider your wants.

autisticbookworm · 31/03/2025 03:02

I don’t think price is a big issue unless he’s loaded. I don’t know what my engagement ring cost but I suspect 300-400. I love it.

i agree the proposal was lack lustre. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture but he didn’t go to any effort to make it nice. You could have said no though?

Obvnotthegolden · 31/03/2025 03:09

What do you want to happen now op? Do you want him to redo the proposal? Or is it more about the ring now?

I was initially a bit disappointed in my engagement ring that my DH chose for me, but he said why he chose it and i loved his intention and sentiment. I never told him of my initial reaction.

On our first year anniversary I chose a ring that was more like what I would have chosen for an engagement ring and wear them all together.

Could you do that?

Missey85 · 31/03/2025 03:15

Crazycatlady79 · 31/03/2025 02:38

Every woman deserves a decent quality ring in my opinion if the man wants to be the one to take her off the market

Women are not houses for sale! 😂😂😂

The biggest ring wins the auction! 😆