Cheap engagement ring. AIBU

[Georgia1105]

Hi. I’ll give you full picture, I’d really like to know others opinions on whether I’m being unreadable or not. So me and my fiancé have been together 10 years. We have 2 children together. My first engagement ring was about 6 months into our relationship. He never really ‘proposed’ to me. He just casually looked at rings and we discussed which ones I liked. I think I may have even put something towards the ring I’m not entirely sure. I was young and just happy to be proposed to. Although I have a different view now being 34 years old.. back then I was happy. Some years later we briefly separated and I told him I didn’t want to engaged. When we got back together, I said he’d have to propose again and properly. As he never officially asked me the first time. There was no emotional moment of getting down on one knee or anything like that. I believe every lady deserves that sort of effort from the man she’d be spending the rest of her life with. Anyways months later he ended up asking me to marry him when I was feeling icky, sat on my sofa with greasy hair and on my period. The kids were in the room. It wasn’t Romantic at all. I mean can this man not put any effort in? And the ring well…. He left it in the gift bag so I looked up the store he bought it from. As soon as I go onto the website … boom it’s there. The price was £379 or there abouts. So he didn’t spend much on it at all…. Nor did it seem like he put much thought into searching for a ring which I might like. Just the first one that pops up on the website. I can’t help but feel cheated out of a nice romantic proposal and a half decent ring. I can’t even stand to wear it never mind look at it. I feel angry. I’d like genuine thoughts am I being reasonable here?

10 years and 2 kids later I would say the OTT romantic proposal ship has sailed and you probably have better things to spend your cash on.

You might consider yourself to be high maintenance but the man you’ve agreed to marry clearly doesn’t see you that way (if we’re considering his proposal “low effort”).

If the ring and proposal weren’t high maintenance enough for you, why did you say yes?

Attacking other commenters because they would be happy with how much your fiance spent on a ring doesn’t really work when you’re the one who accepted his proposal.

Nope, DH didn't get down on one knee. We just agreed to get married, bought an engagement ring then got married three months later. Been married 18 years and counting...I don't have patience for all that romantic shite.

But you had two kids and a 10 year relationship first - how is that high maintenance/effort? You clearly didn’t value/prioritise marriage before all that so why get so hung up about a ring now? Surely you should have held out for one before if it’s that important to you? I don’t get it!

Cannot speak for everyone, but my negative reply was based on her insulting other posters as having low standards.

Are you after a ring or marriage? you sound about 12 and £379 is not cheap. You have been watching too many movies.

It’s a piece of metal, £300 is fine
you don’t need something the price of a 2nd hand car on your finger.

in the ‘olden days’ a ring was to give some wealth as gold was a store of value. Like having a bank/savings account, which you could sell on splitting up. Remember the women didn’t work or have anything in those days. Today it’s pointless

You’re only wanting one because of social norm

I had the most unromantic proposal ever and dh didn’t buy me a ring, instead I wore a family heirloom as a symbol and we put the money towards the wedding. We’re still blissfully married having been together now for twenty five years.

My friend was recently proposed to after six months of being together. She had the full works; a trip to a romantic location for the proposal, a 12k ring from a ‘designer’ store, the insta pics… the wedding cost a fortune… and already they’re arguing and hitting problems. Just sayin’…

Every woman deserves a decent quality ring in my opinion if the man wants to be the one to take her off the market…

So fucking mysoginistic!

Personally I don't think you can be engaged for 10 years, at that point it means absolutely nothing and you're just in a relationship.

An engagement is meant to be an intention to get married. If it's been 10 years then there is clearly no intention there and I wouldn't want a ring, cheap or expensive.

What “guide”?

Does that “guide” also advise women to live up with a man for 10 years and have kids with him without first getting married?

OP has done everything backwards and is now complaining about the lack of grand gestures and a £379 ring being “cheap”. Sure, it wouldn’t break the bank if her partner was a zillionaire but I suspect OP would have disclosed this were that the case.

Advocating spending a month’s wages on a piece of jewellery in a situation where they have been de facto man and wife for years and have two children to support for is madness, imho.

Did you accept the proposal?

‘A general guide’, based on who? a diamond maker in the 1930s

100 years later people are sucked into their marketing

‘The idea of spending three months' salary on an engagement ring started in the 1930s as part of a smart marketing campaign by De Beers, a diamond company trying to increase sales during the Great Depression.’

@Georgia1105 Tbf you took yourself ‘off the market’ when you had two dc without bring married.
If you’re the sort of person who likes grand gestures you get engaged, married and then have dc.

Now you need a discussion along the lines of how you feel unimportant and that you would like your dp to organise a date night or similar where you don’t have the dc with you and to propose properly with a ring that you chose together.
I’ve been married many years and it was normal to go ring buying together even then.

Mmm, this is true. Honestly it doesn't sound like either of you are that interested in getting married OP. Is it something you genuinely want?

OP,
You can use the quote feature so people can know which comment you are replying to.

The whole idea of a big romantic proposal with a big ring is so outdated and sexist.

Is he a good partner day to day?

Is he a good dad?

I've been reading a lot of the posts in this thread open-mouthed, astonished that some women still hold views like this in 2025. It's like we've travelled back to 1955. A woman who gets proposed to has been 'taken off the market'? Is this an actual fucking joke?

My engagement ring cost less than the OP's (though admittedly we're going back a good few years) and I've always loved it. Nor do I or any of my female friends or relatives have a Hallmark slushy movie down-on-one-knee romantic proposal story, or at least, if any of my friends do, they've never told me about it. We're not the kind of women who judge our value and status by how much our engagement rings cost, or how overboard our DHs went when proposing, or how much we looked like a meringue in our wedding photos. I imagine though that we'll get sneered at as 'low effort' women who are satisfied with low standards.

@Georgia1105 I think you might have been watching too many movies!! Once you’ve been together 10+ years and have kids, do you really need the “grand gesture of commitment”?! Surely having kids together is more of a commitment?!
As for the cost - does it matter? If you love him you love him.

DH and I have been together 15 years. Bought a house together after 3 years. Decided to have DC after 10 years. Neither of us were particularly bothered about the thought of marriage tbh - DH had watched his parents have a horrendous divorce in his teens, and my own parents had a horrendously toxic relationship so neither of us really had the best examples of a healthy relationship to go on. But when going back to work after maternity and me moving to part time hours we decided it would be best for our family. We booked a registry office for a bank holiday Monday a few months later and that was that 😂🤷🏻‍♀️
DH did give me an engagement ring not long before the wedding (didn’t get down on one knee) which cost a few thousand (which I only know because I deal with our insurance) - and to be honest I was more pissed that he’d spent that money on me when it could have gone on something more useful 🫠😂
Our wedding cost £1500 - would have been cheaper had we not decided to get a proper photographer to get some nice family pictures of me, DH and the kids.

Nothing like most of my friends/families relationships. No big grand gesture. But it worked for our family and that’s all that should matter tbh!

A friend of mine proposed to his gf by getting on his knee in the middle of a song he sang for her, and my married friends were also proposed to on one knee. I think it's treated like a sweet tradition overall, so no, it's not just a TV thing.

Says the woman who has two children with him

I felt the same way about mine. He put more effort into the proposal but I knew he had returned the day before from a work trip, went to the nearest jewellers, selected one of the three cheapest rings in the shop, negotiated a better price and gave me that ring. The ring itself was ok, nothing more. It felt low effort and ‘cheap’ compared to friends engagement rings of the time. He could have afforded more but grew up with a family who count pennies despite their wealth and that was that. I was never proud of it, never thrilled and wore it until we eventually divorced. I always wanted a prettier ring but he never saw the value in spending money on things. I still have the ring and plan to pass it to my daughter one day, but I do wish I had spoken up. Like you say it’s a ring for life and I wished every day I wore it that it was a different ring. I didn’t want to sound greedy or not appreciative but that was to my detriment. So say something, and get it changed to something you are proud to wear forever. Don’t reflect back like I did wishing you had done something about it.

'I believe every lady deserves that sort of effort from the man she’d be spending the rest of her life with.'

Wow! What century are you living in? If you want to get married, ask him, book a wedding and just do it. You're not a Victorian woman that has to wait for a man to sweep in and take responsibility for you.

Some do it, some don’t. It’s not ‘the norm’. There aren’t set rules. In general, making a big performance out of a proposal is quite a recent thing, not a long-standing tradition.

I read this thinking, they're gonna come for you 😬😄, but I agree, op

Does this man really want to be married to you? Does he treat you well?

It sounds like he doesn't think he needs to treat you properly because you're going nowhere

This would really upset me too. A woman deserves effort and romance and this guy can't be arsed.

But take my advice with a pinch of salt i guess, as I'm 33 and alone

It reminds me of the thread about a womans husband who used to be super gross around her - clear he just didn't want to be there

Yanbu x

I thought that