Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

Myself and toddler staying with friend and her husband and baby for the weekend. My toddler threw his cup of water against the wall. My friend REALLY shouted at my (just turned) two year old 'that was naughty! You did that on purpose! I'm not happy with you! Tantrum all you like you've been bad!'
I was really shocked and taken aback and took him down from high chair, took him back to say sorry after they had both cooled off but both friend and her husband were quite frosty with him still. He's only two!

I texted her today to say thanks for having us and offering to send paint out to her if needed (nb it was only water spilt!) and she said she'll tackle the wall this week- no reassurance that it's fine so I think she's still angry with my son/me. But I feel really shaken by this whole experience - I would never shout that angrily at someone else's child (or my own). What do people think?

What did you do @OP when your toddler threw the cup?

Can't bear this gentle parenting stuff. It's bringing up a load of self-entitled little brats and frankly, the parents are no better. I can't tell you the number of times I've been in the supermarket whilst a child has been acting out and the parent's been going on with 'Oh no,we don't do that, darling, that's not nice, darling'.'

Grow up.

Said firmly 'no, we don't throw, that's not nice' and then quickly removed other things off his high chair tray to stop him throwing them too and stood up to reach get kitchen roll (for the water)at that point my friend started the shouting as toddler continued shouting and then he started really trying to climb out and escalated so had to get him out of that room

Said firmly 'no, we don't throw, that's not nice' and then quickly removed other things off his high chair tray to stop him throwing them too and stood up to reach get kitchen roll (for the water)at that point my friend started the shouting as toddler continued shouting and then he started really trying to climb out and escalated so had to get him out of that room.

(No @sellotapechicken I wasn't asking for childcare! I was at the dinner table next to him at the time. Didn't even leave him with them to go to the loo as they have their own baby, mine comes to the loo with me!)

I think you’re getting a hard time from some of the posters here. I find with some friends who have younger children, they expect my slightly older children to be impeccably behaved all of the time. They see older children as huge compared to their own so they expect more and treat them as if they’re adults. Then when they don’t behave how they expect then they think they are badly behaved. They also think my life is sooooo much easier than theirs….

I’m not condoning your child’s behaviour but ffs he’s 2 and it seemed like you dealt with it appropriately. Your friends seemed like they overreacted for the situation and should have apologised to you. I agree to step away from this friendship a bit. They are in for a shock in a year or two…

Go up to them and yell at their kids then if you think that's socially acceptable.

Ha yes I remember when mine was one thinking mine was so good at sharing compared to the two year olds we played with who wouldn't share any toys at all.. now I realise it's a two year old personality trait!

@cadburyegg I'm not condoning it either it's really really annoying when he throws things

That doesn't sound very firm, it's the, 'That's not very nice', bit. It's a cup of water thrown up against someone else's wall, not some crisps chucked on the floor. In answer to your question, I'm with your friend, I'd shout at someone else's dc if i didn't see their parent parenting firmly and if they don't like it, tough.

Out of interest, if you (for some mad reason) have a two year old in the supermarket not in a buggy, how do you make it behave nicely?

The question was aibu to shout at someone else's kid, I answered by sharing a scenario where it was entirely appropriate to shout. And I have no problem shouting at kids when I feel it's appropriate.

Gen X and give no shits whatsoever. Bratty kids get told.

I mean I'll shout at anyone, I don't care who they are. Dogs that try to shit in my garden. Random kids. The local mayor.

I had a friend once tell me off for not telling her kid off when they did something wrong she didn't want her child thinking she could get away with bad behaviour just because mum wasn't around

In all fairness parents can be the worst when it comes to actually seeing the inappropriateness of their childs behavior. I had a friend who would let her demon rainbow child destroy property, hit people, and bully other children. She always just waved it off that he was just a spirited child. A lot of people, me included, stopped being her friend. Her kid is now a pre-teen who nobody really likes and doesn't have a whole lot of friends.

If I were you I would keep this one in your back pocket for when her own baby gets to 2 and beyond. You can remind her of her (frankly outrageous) behaviour towards your child and his perfectly normal behaviour then.

Well, actually, not have entertained such rubbish in the first place.

If my child did this in someone else's place I would have no issue them telling my child off, they would need to know then and there is was wrong they wouldn't remember what I was talking about if I waited till later

especially if whatever my child is doing causes damage or mess

I think you misunderstood me, I meant where exactly where you when an adult was screaming at your child, why where you not physically stood between them and your child telling them to back off?

Other than emergency situations I can’t see any reason why parents shout at children. If they misbehave give them a consequence. Surely more effective than shouting? In this instance a simple “we don’t throw cups” and removal of the cup would have sufficed. I would have had words with a friend if they spoke to my child like that.

All this “that’s not very nice” is just wishy washy language. The same with parents who tell their child who is kicking/hitting/biting some other child that we “use gentle hands.”

Shouting is at one end of the spectrum, and this kind of talk is at the other. There needs to be middle ground. No you don’t have to scream at a child, but they should be absolutely told “no” in no uncertain terms, and yes, they should be told that they’re naughty, and even given consequences such as time out if necessary.

If people read the OP, the friend didn’t respond to the child throwing the cup, the OP took the cup and went to clean up the water, and child continued to scream and shout and attempt to climb out of the high chair, which is probably why the friend shouted.

Should the friend have shouted/ probably not. But is it worth ending a friendship over? Of course it isn’t. Nobody is perfect. And there’s nothing more annoying than someone else’s little brats (because all kids can be brats at times) running riot in your house.

Interestingly I know plenty of parents who become far less tolerant of two year olds once theirs get past that stage. So it’s not just the parents of babies who don’t know better, typically the parents of two year olds are blind to their own child’s behaviour because it’s their child, and once they’ve.outgrown it they realise it’s not that cute after all when they see it in someone else’s child.

Grow up.

Good one!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What is a Yog cup?

Yogurt pot

Sounds like you're not compatible as friends. I couldn't be friends with show home types, luckily I don't tend to attract them 😆 could never relax at their house and wouldn't feel comfortable with them in mine!

He sound mad. Although I'm pretty sure I've shouted/called "hey stop that" at other people's kids before during the summer. I live by the sea and kids seem to harass gulls a lot and it's not on.