To ban DP’s best friend from my house?

[LeonieJD]

I’m just back from giving DP and his friend a lift into town.

This was the first time I’ve properly met him, and wow, I’m in disbelief.

They had a couple of drinks here before going out - DP’s friend was joking and asking how much I know about his ‘antics’ at Uni and in his 20’s.

Gentle ribbing turned into his friend referring to past partners as ‘whales’, saying they’d ’pull a pig’ for a laugh and then referring to one specific woman as a ‘paper bag job’ All WHILST I WAS SAT THERE!!

Then, as I reversed off the drive, I waved to a neighbour who was getting something from their car. DP’s friend tapped him on the shoulder and casually asked ‘is that the fit one with the arse?’ - he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

AIBU to say I never want to meet this pathetic ‘man’ again?

I would tell dh my respect for him had plummeted for giving such a mate the time of day..

I wouldn't want to meet the P again either..

Kick him out with your dh since he was the one who referenced your "fit arse" neighbour and also has a long history of being a misogynistic pig apparantly.

Sounds like they're both a pair of dickheads tbh

If that's what his best friend is like then that's what your P is like.
You've now got an insight into how your P and his friends behave and talk when you aren't around.
Disgusting.

Your DP sounds just as awful

And what did your dp say or do when all this was happening. Did he call his friend out? I guess not.
And his comment " ‘is that the fit one with the arse?’" sounds like it was going on from a discussion your dp had with his friend. So your dp must have talked about one of his/your neighbours being 'fit with an arse'. So if you are going to banish this awful friend, banish dp too? Surely you can see he wasn't bothered by his friend's misogynistic chatter? That your dp has definitely said similar things?

And your boyfriend is any better how?

Birds of a feather flock together.

I judge people by the company they keep. Perhaps you should too op.

I'd be far more worried about finding put that your DP has clearly engaged in that kind of talk, told him about your neighbours arse and used to pull fat girls for jokes tbh.
Think you are worried about the wrong thing......

They sound like a pair of twats I'd cross the road to avoid. Sound like 'lads' from the 90s IE misogynist arseholes.

I'd absolutely be holding my dh accountable for why he is tolerating such disgusting behaviour. And asking him directly if that's how he speaks when he's out without you there. I'd be very clear that I expect better from him.

What’s that saying… “you are the company you keep”.

Your DP has done a good job of hiding it from you so far, but his friend has landed him in it.

Clearly your DP has been discussing his “fit neighbour with the arse” with his mates, and he routinely refers to women as “whales”, “pigs” and “paper bag jobs”.

That he is comfortable having this type of conversation in front of you makes me wonder how he talks about you when he’s alone with his mates?

Just playing devil’s advocate, how would you feel if DP tried to ban one of your friends from your house? I’m sure people are going to say well they would say such sexist things - probably true - but adults are allowed to choose their own friends.

Perhaps all they could pull was a pig or whale, because erm they are not coming across as that much of a catch, so their fragile little egos turned it into a whale pig game when actually they were already punching above their pay grade.

Yeah he wouldn't get back into my house but if you share a house equally with partner it's much harder to dictate.

I’d ban them both.

Yep!!

Blimey, what's he gonna come out with when he comes back drunk to stay in your spare room? What an oaf.

No I would not ever want to see him again, what a twat.

He was incredibly sheepish, I could tell he was uncomfortable and he barely added anything to the exchanges bar awkward laughter

What will you be saying to your DP about the neighbour comment, OP?

So how do you deal with knowing that is how DP has been talking about your neighbour? I doubt it’s an isolated incident.

Do you think this is the first time the friend has spoken that way in front of your partner? He may have appeared "incredibly sheepish" because you were there but he has undoubtedly heard the man speak that way before. And presumably had no problem with it.

Your partner's friend clearly feels he can talk that way in front of your partner so I think that your partner is more like him than you know. The neighbour comment is probably something your partner has said to him. That is the level of conversation they have.

Look, men can talk differently depending on who they are with. If they are with their Mums it might be different than how they behave with their wife, as in Dh would definitely say stuff to me he would never utter in front of his Mum. Then it comes down to where the line is for mates, work colleagues, people they play football with etc. The line moves depending on who they are with.