To ban DP’s best friend from my house?

[LeonieJD]

I’m just back from giving DP and his friend a lift into town.

This was the first time I’ve properly met him, and wow, I’m in disbelief.

They had a couple of drinks here before going out - DP’s friend was joking and asking how much I know about his ‘antics’ at Uni and in his 20’s.

Gentle ribbing turned into his friend referring to past partners as ‘whales’, saying they’d ’pull a pig’ for a laugh and then referring to one specific woman as a ‘paper bag job’ All WHILST I WAS SAT THERE!!

Then, as I reversed off the drive, I waved to a neighbour who was getting something from their car. DP’s friend tapped him on the shoulder and casually asked ‘is that the fit one with the arse?’ - he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

AIBU to say I never want to meet this pathetic ‘man’ again?

It’s your choice completely to believe him over us op.

After all you know him and we don’t, right?

Except. There’s absolutely nothing in it for anyone on in this thread to tell you that he is also a misogynist. We gain absolutely nothing out of it. But there is everything in it for him to lie.

How is he a misogynist? He didn’t make the comments.

Are you serious? Or are you trying desperately to pull the wool over your own eyes?

You do you.
Let him do him.
why let such an arse hole bother you?

Pack his bags. Maybe the neighbour with the fit arse will take pity on him? (not).

Of course he did op.

imagine if you are in the car with you, a friend, and your dp.

your friend says for everyone to hear something that you said which puts you in an awful light.

except you didn’t say it at all.

so you would say ‘what on Earth are you talking about? I never said that at all.’

wouldn’t you?

unless you did say it. Then you’d keep quiet, wait for your ‘friend’ to not be there, and then lie that you didn’t say it.

it is absolutely obvious.

God almighty there's a lot of man hating on this thread!

Beeinalily · Today 11:18

God almighty there's a lot of man hating on this thread!

Is there? Love the men in my life, because they’re not dickheads like OP’s partner’s friend (and her partner, to a lesser extent).

If you believe such behaviour is acceptable, you really need to reconsider your standards.

Show me your company and I’ll show you who you are! Your dp was and possibly is the same as his mate. This didn’t come out of nowhere.

Course he didn't 😏

He didn't single out the 'fit arsed woman in your street at all'. Of course they were having a conversation about neighbors and he mentioned 'elderly Beryl' too...

It's worse that he didn't just own it and say yes I find her attractive vs spinning you a load of nonsense and you desperately believed it. All you've done is arm him with the knowledge he can do stuff, tell you a load of old bollocks, and you'll lap it up.

Frankly I’d consider banning your DP from your house as well. The conversation did not exist in a vacuum judging by that comment about the neighbour - your DP is just as culpable in the sexist and misogynistic trash talk. Would give me the utter ick and he’s be gone too.

Totally agree. My DS is 17 today and both he and his dad would NEVER talk about women like this. They have sisters, mothers, aunts and grandmothers and, in my DS’s case, a lovely GF too. Neither has been raised to be so revoltingly sexist and misogynistic. Nor would they choose to count males who are amongst their friends. Doesn’t mean that I can’t despise men like OP’s DP and his mate - ‘men’ aren’t a homogenous group.

Well said!

Do many posters first port of call
is end the relationship, I’m not so sure they’d be that quick themselves!

It's not just the neighbour comment either, there is the name calling of women like whales, pulling a pig, and paper bag job. I doubt that's the extent of it.

Did DF stitch him up there too?

If my partner had participated in pull a pig in the past I would immediately get rid. You’re putting all the focus on the twat friend when your DP sounds like the secret prick

Tolerating and perpetuating misogynistic talk does make you a misogynist.

Look OP we all have different standards.
For me having been a victim of sexism and the subsequent way worse behavior from men I would only accept someone who openly speaks out against such behavior.
But you obviously have lower standards.

Just don't complain a couple years down the line when you have kids and he treats you as lesser in the relationship or cheats on you.

You chose this so you are obviously OK with it.

I’m not sure what’s more damaging in present society - the far far too many abhorrent men, or the slightly fewer but still far too many women who accept it. Yes victim blaming but it needs to be talked about. If women, en masse, said no to this awful behaviour, would it erase it?

No, but unless (the general) you are present at every interaction, you've got no idea how men talk when they're at work or with their friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

Most of them would also be mortified if their partners heard it. So that, in itself, means nothing.

I agree with this.

His past behaviours?

The fact he didn't challenge something that made him look like one (the neighbour comment)?

Happily went out on the piss with the man who did make those comments though didn't he.

I'm a man. I know people who make comments like that. They're not my friends and I tell them to shut up if they say them in my company.

If someone who was a friend started saying stuff like that out of the blue, then I'd be telling him to piss out and cancelling my night out with him.

There really isn't.

Really glad it turns out that he has not been taking part in lewd conversations after all. Friend sounds like a nasty piece of work. Am sure it was a learning experience for DP, too, in how much people change. Hope he gives him a wide berth hereafter - and maybe finds the courage to tell him to pipe down and behave next time.

@StrawberryDream24 try reversing the genders and see how it sounds.

So I’ve reversed the sexes. Never once have I met a female who would deliberately try to pull an ugly bloke for fun, to laugh about with friends. Because that would be an utterly horrible thing to do.