Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban DP’s best friend from my house?

209 replies

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 20:11

I’m just back from giving DP and his friend a lift into town.

This was the first time I’ve properly met him, and wow, I’m in disbelief.

They had a couple of drinks here before going out - DP’s friend was joking and asking how much I know about his ‘antics’ at Uni and in his 20’s.

Gentle ribbing turned into his friend referring to past partners as ‘whales’, saying they’d ’pull a pig’ for a laugh and then referring to one specific woman as a ‘paper bag job’ All WHILST I WAS SAT THERE!!

Then, as I reversed off the drive, I waved to a neighbour who was getting something from their car. DP’s friend tapped him on the shoulder and casually asked ‘is that the fit one with the arse?’ - he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

AIBU to say I never want to meet this pathetic ‘man’ again?

OP posts:
kattaduck · 28/03/2025 21:04

How long have you been dating?
Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who is best friends with a blatant misogynist nor would I just sit there and take it. And then you even gave them a lift...🙄

Get some standards OP!

TheChosenTwo · 28/03/2025 21:06

Incredibly sheepish… yeah right 😂 I believe it too, he was mortified that you found out what he’s like! What a sexist pig. The friend isn’t any better either.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2025 21:06

I’m blown away that you are focussing on the friend op.

is that because it’s easier to do?

you have just found out tonight, that your dp is a misogynistic pig who treated women abysmally in the past, and clearly still does.

I am blown away that you didn’t end your relationship then and there.

Fancycheese · 28/03/2025 21:09

How close are they? Is this just a hanger-on friend from years ago and this “man” hasn’t matured. Trying to be charitable, perhaps your DP has now moved on in life and is stuck with Jay from the Inbetweeners as a mate still. Perhaps when they’re both together, as they don’t have much in common any more, they just revert to their idiot younger selves. I think it’s worth a conversation. I’d tell your DP what you think of this man and see what he says.

Original poster
LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:15

KnewYearKnewMe · 28/03/2025 20:57

What will you be saying to your DP about the neighbour comment, OP?

It is taking all my restraint not to text him now, but I wouldn’t be happy if he kicked off whilst I was on a night out.

Its a really hurtful comment given he knows I’ve had my challenges with body confidence in the past and he has never praised my ‘backside’ in that way before.

OP posts:
Original poster
LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:16

Fancycheese · 28/03/2025 21:09

How close are they? Is this just a hanger-on friend from years ago and this “man” hasn’t matured. Trying to be charitable, perhaps your DP has now moved on in life and is stuck with Jay from the Inbetweeners as a mate still. Perhaps when they’re both together, as they don’t have much in common any more, they just revert to their idiot younger selves. I think it’s worth a conversation. I’d tell your DP what you think of this man and see what he says.

They are old Uni friends and no where near as close as they were then - maybe meet up twice a year.

DP is really quite shy and not really an assertive person, which is why I think he didn’t shut it down earlier.

OP posts:
1900s · 28/03/2025 21:18

SpongeKnobNoPants · 28/03/2025 20:17

Sounds like they're both a pair of dickheads tbh

Men always are when they meet up.

Maitri108 · 28/03/2025 21:21

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:16

They are old Uni friends and no where near as close as they were then - maybe meet up twice a year.

DP is really quite shy and not really an assertive person, which is why I think he didn’t shut it down earlier.

Show quote history

So he didn't shag 'whales', 'munters', women who needed bags over their heads? Your bf is too shy and unassertive to do that.

KnewYearKnewMe · 28/03/2025 21:21

I don’t blame you, OP.

I hope the friend isn’t staying at yours tonight…

Bumblebeestiltskin · 28/03/2025 21:22

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:16

They are old Uni friends and no where near as close as they were then - maybe meet up twice a year.

DP is really quite shy and not really an assertive person, which is why I think he didn’t shut it down earlier.

Show quote history

Yet he's been salivating over your neighbour and taking to his mates about her arse? I get the impression you're only getting a version of him.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 28/03/2025 21:25

DP’s friend tapped him on the shoulder and casually asked ‘is that the fit one with the arse?’ - he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

Er...not someone. Your partner.

Createausername1970 · 28/03/2025 21:27

I would give DP the benefit of the doubt.

I cringe at some of the things I said as a young adult. I am not proud of them, and I definitely wouldn't want to be defined by them.

But I would be saying to DP if that is actually who DP is too, then he needs to say now as I wouldn't be happy with him making those comments and it would be a relationship breaker.

JHound · 28/03/2025 21:29

Where did he get “she’s the fit one with the arse” from….

I would not want you to meet the friend again and it would put me off my partner.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2025 21:31

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:16

They are old Uni friends and no where near as close as they were then - maybe meet up twice a year.

DP is really quite shy and not really an assertive person, which is why I think he didn’t shut it down earlier.

Show quote history

Oh my. The rose tinted spectacles of lust are having their work cut out here. Shy? Not assertive? No. Weak. A coward. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

JHound · 28/03/2025 21:32

Onlyvisiting · 28/03/2025 20:24

I'd be far more worried about finding put that your DP has clearly engaged in that kind of talk, told him about your neighbours arse and used to pull fat girls for jokes tbh.
Think you are worried about the wrong thing......

This - OP is really focused on the wrong thing but I never cease to be amazed at what some people will overlook to have a man.

Original poster
LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:33

KnewYearKnewMe · 28/03/2025 21:21

I don’t blame you, OP.

I hope the friend isn’t staying at yours tonight…

Absolutely not - I’d have texted DP to say no way!

OP posts:
CheeseyOnionPie · 28/03/2025 21:35

That’s your DP’s best friend….what is it they say about birds of a feather?

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/03/2025 21:35

That’s detestable and pathetic.

It almost sounds as if the repulsive friend wants to sabotage your trust in DP. Is he single? Maybe he wants his drinking buddy back on the pull with him.

You need to talk about this seriously with your DP tomorrow when he’s sober. You need to find out if he’s been drooling over the neighbours bum for a start - that’s hideously disrespectful. Plus make it very clear why everything this guy said was unacceptable.

JHound · 28/03/2025 21:36

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:16

They are old Uni friends and no where near as close as they were then - maybe meet up twice a year.

DP is really quite shy and not really an assertive person, which is why I think he didn’t shut it down earlier.

Show quote history

But he was a misogynist at uni and seemed to treat women like wank tissues it appears

Original poster
LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:37

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/03/2025 21:35

That’s detestable and pathetic.

It almost sounds as if the repulsive friend wants to sabotage your trust in DP. Is he single? Maybe he wants his drinking buddy back on the pull with him.

You need to talk about this seriously with your DP tomorrow when he’s sober. You need to find out if he’s been drooling over the neighbours bum for a start - that’s hideously disrespectful. Plus make it very clear why everything this guy said was unacceptable.

He has a long term partner (engaged last year), so it’s not a case of wanting to re-live their youth.

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 28/03/2025 21:41

The issue is not your DP's behaviour years ago, nor his charmless friend. The inexcusable thing is him referring to your neighbour like that. You only seem to have a problem because you're not confident about your own body!

Fancycheese · 28/03/2025 21:46

I wouldn’t have this conversation over text, I’d speak to him face to face. Anyway, if your DP is a misogynistic pig then it’ll become self evident sooner or later. He definitely could do with ditching this charmless idiot. My condolences to his fiancée.

arcticpandas · 28/03/2025 21:46

I can't believe you're letting your dp off the hook by saying that he's "weak". Not so weak when he described your neighbour's ass, was he? I think he's just twofaced and you saw who he is when you're not around thanks to his friend.

OldCottageGreenhouse · 28/03/2025 21:48

@LeonieJDYeah I wouldn’t be too surprised if he ends up on your sofa tonight, regardless op! Particularly if your DP is ‘weak’

arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2025 21:48

you will take no notice of my warning, but if you marry or have children with a man like this, you are setting yourself up to be miserable and exhausted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread