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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Binned off by my girlfriend for a parcel, AIBU?

225 replies

Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:22

I'm a woman, same sex relationship of around 6 months if its relevant, probably not but mentioning for context. We've been taking it slowly but are exclusive, have met one another's parents etc.

Yesterday we were making plans to take a drive down to the coast today to make the most of the nice weather. Ice creams, doughnuts and whatever else. I'm on annual leave this week and she doesn't work on Thursdays *

An hour or so after we finalised our plans she text me a screenshot of a parcel that is due to be delivered today. For context, the parcel is a pair of shoes she needs for an event this coming Monday. Admittedly it's an important day for her.

I suggested she ask her neighbour if they'd mind taking in the parcel or failing that, I said if it's royal mail she would be able to go and collect it from the depot.

She doesn't cancel our plans which is what I assumed she would have done there and then if she'd decided not to come.

Fast forward to this morning (one hour before we are due to leave) I text and asked what time she'd be ready for me to collect her, only then does she tell me she isn't coming.

She said she can't do anything today except to wait indoors for the parcel and that I should go ahead regardless and enjoy my day.

I'm upset. In particular about her waiting until the last minute to tell me, but am I being unreasonable? What would you have done if you were her?

Similar has happened before.

I'm yet to respond.

OP posts:
alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 27/03/2025 08:26

She's not that into you if she'd rather wait indoors for a pair of shoes than spend the day with you.

I'd go and enjoy the day and then end the relationship.

myplace · 27/03/2025 08:27

She’s not able to be flexible about some things, I suppose. This scenario would send DH into freeze mode- two competing events, can only do one… he’d choose what he saw as essential- waiting for his parcel- over what he saw as a ‘fun extra’.

It is frustrating. So if you can’t live with it, move along.

Doggymummar · 27/03/2025 08:27

Yeah, that's pretty shit of her. I would be annoyed too. Our royal mail place is open to 7pm and on Saturdays from 7 till 1, so plenty of time to collect them before Monday. I agree you should go enjoy your day, but second fiddle to a pair of shoes would have me reconsidering my feelings.

Original poster
Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:27

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 27/03/2025 08:26

She's not that into you if she'd rather wait indoors for a pair of shoes than spend the day with you.

I'd go and enjoy the day and then end the relationship.

That's what I think too 😔

OP posts:
LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:29

Surely she can do both? Royal Mail usually have a regular delivery time.

I wouldn’t want to miss a delivery I needed by a certain date either but RM are good at leaving things in a safe place or with a neighbour. They never seem to take them back to be delivered another day anymore.

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:29

Yeah that’s bullshit.

So she text you a pic and basically expected you to know that she wouldn’t be able to go because she had to wait in for her shoes?
If ive got that correct.

she is flakey.

I want to know the other examples.

(also i relate to having to state that its a same sex relationship. I don’t like the idea that when i refer to my GF, people may assume I’m a man!)

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:29

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:29

Surely she can do both? Royal Mail usually have a regular delivery time.

I wouldn’t want to miss a delivery I needed by a certain date either but RM are good at leaving things in a safe place or with a neighbour. They never seem to take them back to be delivered another day anymore.

Do they?!

since when?!

TennesseeStella · 27/03/2025 08:29

I'd have assumed you realised I wasn't going to come when I sent the screenshot of the parcel delivery I was going to wait in for.
How is her communication otherwise? How has she been flaky with plans before?

SheridansPortSalut · 27/03/2025 08:30

She doesn't want to go.

KhakiShaker · 27/03/2025 08:30

I understand the need to make sure she gets the parcel since it’s ’essential‘ for Monday. You can’t trust most couriers or Royal Mail to leave parcels where you tell them to (or out of sight) so some people may get quite anxious about this.

however. Not telling you until one hour before is just crap and disrespectful and it’s this bit that would piss me off.

Original poster
Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:30

Crossed posts, thank you!

Yes she does seem to be inflexible about some things and is definitely an over thinker so I can imagine her feeling stressed about the parcel.

I don't think she even attempted to ask her neighbour if they can take it in for her and that's probably the first thing I'd have done.

I'd have atleast tried to work something out iyswim. Ugh. I'm going to try and enjoy my day regardless.

OP posts:
LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:31

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:29

Do they?!

since when?!

Show quote history

They are like clockwork in my area.

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:31

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:31

They are like clockwork in my area.

Show quote history

Even for parcels?

never experienced that in my life and I’ve lived all over.

lucky you!

TennesseeStella · 27/03/2025 08:32

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:31

They are like clockwork in my area.

Show quote history

Mine too!

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:34

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:31

Even for parcels?

never experienced that in my life and I’ve lived all over.

lucky you!

Show quote history

Yes. Plus you get emails with a time slot.

Evri is bang on 10am on the dot here. DPD give one hour time frames.. No delivery company these days gives all day slots. It’s just a shit excuse.

Original poster
Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:40

Other examples of similar occurrences are her cancelling things at the last minute, like dinner and the cinema. Not always great reasons for it.

I think upon reflection as PP mentioned she may have assumed I took that screenshot as the cancellation, but even if that were the case if I were her I would have wanted to make sure the other party knew for certain it was a cancellation and for them not to expect me.

I don't think I'm the only person she does this to.

OP posts:
MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:42

Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:40

Other examples of similar occurrences are her cancelling things at the last minute, like dinner and the cinema. Not always great reasons for it.

I think upon reflection as PP mentioned she may have assumed I took that screenshot as the cancellation, but even if that were the case if I were her I would have wanted to make sure the other party knew for certain it was a cancellation and for them not to expect me.

I don't think I'm the only person she does this to.

It is absolutely unacceptable to not be clear that the plans have changed.

Especially after you suggested an alternative.

She should have said “no, I need/want to stay in for them.”

Topknotted · 27/03/2025 08:42

KhakiShaker · 27/03/2025 08:30

I understand the need to make sure she gets the parcel since it’s ’essential‘ for Monday. You can’t trust most couriers or Royal Mail to leave parcels where you tell them to (or out of sight) so some people may get quite anxious about this.

however. Not telling you until one hour before is just crap and disrespectful and it’s this bit that would piss me off.

Yes, but she presumably thought she’d communicated to the OP that she wasn’t intending to come when she sent the original communication about the parcel yesterday. Ok, she wasn’t clear enough, but it’s not some cardinal sin that she is prioritising being absolutely sure she gets a parcel she needs for an important event over a day at the beach. I don’t think it necessarilyimplies she’s not serious about the OP, she’s just naturally putting her own concerns first. All she’s guilty of is not communicating more clearly yesterday that she wasn’t going to the beach.

Whatsitreallylike · 27/03/2025 08:42

Royal Mail are genuinely crap in my area. Parcel never goes back to depot, or they can’t find it etc… depending on how important the event is, I might have decided to wait in if I NEEDED too. She should have been upfront though instead of just sending the pic, but that said, it sounds like you only made plans yesterday and it was basically head to the beach and get ice cream. No tickets or anything else? In which case she might have seen the plans as not a big deal.

If I were you, why not suggest you get some lunch in around hers and make the most of the day? Maybe you could still head out then once the parcel arrives.

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/03/2025 08:43

Whatsitreallylike · 27/03/2025 08:42

Royal Mail are genuinely crap in my area. Parcel never goes back to depot, or they can’t find it etc… depending on how important the event is, I might have decided to wait in if I NEEDED too. She should have been upfront though instead of just sending the pic, but that said, it sounds like you only made plans yesterday and it was basically head to the beach and get ice cream. No tickets or anything else? In which case she might have seen the plans as not a big deal.

If I were you, why not suggest you get some lunch in around hers and make the most of the day? Maybe you could still head out then once the parcel arrives.

Shouldn’t the GF suggest that though??

MellowJello77 · 27/03/2025 08:46

What was her response when you suggested she speak to her neighbour or go to the depot? Did she just blank you?

Original poster
Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:49

That's a point, in her position if I felt I really couldn't go anywhere before the parcel came I'd likely suggest her coming round for lunch or something like that instead of chinning her off completely. Even a suggestion for an alternative day would have softened the blow a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:49

MellowJello77 · 27/03/2025 08:46

What was her response when you suggested she speak to her neighbour or go to the depot? Did she just blank you?

She said "Ah good thinking"

OP posts:
Easterbunnygettingsorted · 27/03/2025 08:50

Flakey people are cfers.. Assuming their time is mroe valuable than other people's... Ltb and don't look back.. Hopefully every time she wears the bloody shoes she can consider how stupid she was....

Glittertwins · 27/03/2025 08:50

Royal Mail are also poor here as well. I happened to be WFH on a day a delivery was to be made. Except it never arrived, still shows as in transit back to the “wrong delivery centre” which was known to be incorrect. The vendor of my delivery contacted me to say they had it back and would I still want it. I wasn’t able to redirect the new one but I was able to hold delivery to a new date.