Binned off by my girlfriend for a parcel, AIBU?

[Quarterofacenturyold]

I'm a woman, same sex relationship of around 6 months if its relevant, probably not but mentioning for context. We've been taking it slowly but are exclusive, have met one another's parents etc.

Yesterday we were making plans to take a drive down to the coast today to make the most of the nice weather. Ice creams, doughnuts and whatever else. I'm on annual leave this week and she doesn't work on Thursdays *

An hour or so after we finalised our plans she text me a screenshot of a parcel that is due to be delivered today. For context, the parcel is a pair of shoes she needs for an event this coming Monday. Admittedly it's an important day for her.

I suggested she ask her neighbour if they'd mind taking in the parcel or failing that, I said if it's royal mail she would be able to go and collect it from the depot.

She doesn't cancel our plans which is what I assumed she would have done there and then if she'd decided not to come.

Fast forward to this morning (one hour before we are due to leave) I text and asked what time she'd be ready for me to collect her, only then does she tell me she isn't coming.

She said she can't do anything today except to wait indoors for the parcel and that I should go ahead regardless and enjoy my day.

I'm upset. In particular about her waiting until the last minute to tell me, but am I being unreasonable? What would you have done if you were her?

Similar has happened before.

I'm yet to respond.

You can't simply rock up to the depot and collect. Equally there is no guarantee they'll leave parcel with neighbour. At any rate in my area it's very random. Sometimes they will leave parcel in front garden. Often they'll just attempt delivery again the next day. I haven't seen a "please collect from depot" card left behind in years, literally.

Only you know what your relationship is like, I just wanted to comment on the "just go to the depot!!!" reply I saw a lot in the thread.

I understand your gf wanting to stay at home for the parcel. Where she messed up is on not saying this straight out and suggest alternative plans. It feels really disrespectful, as if she can dusmiss you with a handshake. I would tell her this before breaking up to see if she gets it and if it's something that can be worked on from her side.

I have regular deliveries. They email you a delivery window early on the delivery day and it contains a link to track your parcel. You can see if you are 10th or 201st in the delivery schedule (ie will you be at the start or end of that window). So no more waiting in all day.

Marvellous, isn’t it?

Amazing what technology can do nowadays.

My darling, you have examples (plural) of her flakiness and rudeness. How much more are you prepared to take? Carrying a relationship by yourself if a difficult and thankless task.

Thanks all.

Lots of you have echoed my own thoughts about how she should have made it clear she wasn't coming and that if she'd really wanted to see me she'd have suggested an alternative.

She didn't even apologise for the breakdown in communication / the fact she wasn't clear yesterday that she wasn't coming. I think that's a bit shitty too.

If I had let somebody down last minute (to them) because I wasn't clear I wouldn't be attending something I'd feel quite bad about that.

She is completely unbothered and I think if she knew I was upset about it she'd probably be annoyed with me for being upset about it and not see my POV at all.

Letstheriveranswer I felt really sad reading your post, she sound's completely inconsiderate and actually really nasty. I will definitely bare in mind about how the seemingly small things early on can be a predictor of much bigger problems later on down the line.

Has she been in relationships where she was afraid to speak up or and DA?

Perhaps true in your area and/or applicable to a certain type of delivery, eg super duper tracked or something. I have NEVER seen anything like you describe from Royal Mail. Amazon offers something similar in their app. Yodel used to ages ago, but I've not seen it for a while. Evri I'm not even commenting on 🤣

This is a salient point. How would she have dealt with it if her shoes were being delivered on Friday? Why couldn’t she have done the same thing today?

Is she socially anxious? My GF always gets me to talk to neighbours and takeaway orders

unless I was a bridesmaid or bride I’d not give two shits for shoes ….sorry shes not that in to you, or has an awkward personality, maybe a good opportunity to bring the relationship to a head , make or break ? I had a few bumps with my GF ( turns out we are both autistic / adhd) But been married happily 20 years so honest chat is needed

What would she have done if it was a working day and Royal Mail were delivering?

She'd have to go to the depot wouldn't she?

So why is having a day out with you any different?

At six months I go a relationship, it should be full of passion and excitement to see one another.

She clearly isn't that excited.

Bin her.

If it’s not done automatically by the sender and you are expecting a delivery - you ask them to give you the tracking number (if they’ve not already emailed that detail in the dispatch email). Then you download the app, enter your address and the parcel number and it gets the details for you. It’s not area dependent. It’s a national service - you just need the app and the tracking number. Most companies send you an email with those details automatically. The only place where I have ever had to manually enter it is if I have an ebay parcel (ie an individual is sending it, not a company).

I do 98% of my shopping online and am in and out 3-4 times a day on school/college runs and dog walks. I always know the window when my RM, Evri, DPD, Amazon parcels are due and can click on the app to see where they are on google maps.

6 months is the honey moon period where you both should be jumping at the chance to spend time together. Just end it or phase out the relationship.

If she said to go without her she may just not have seen it as the day you were expecting. I never agree with the ‘just not that into you’ phrase, people have different things take up their minds at different points, they can sometimes be thoughtless, but you said it’s for something important.

I don't think I'm the only person she does this to

But you’re her girlfriend! I think she’s showing you who she is to be honest. If you continue to let her treat you like you don’t matter then she will. You need to have a confrontation about it.

I would check with her first that there is nothing else going on with her? If it is just the shoes than she is being very unreasonable.
She can opt to leave it with a neighbour. I'm not sure Royal Mail do safe places. DM just leaves huge note on door saying, "Please leave at number 14."

She’s not that in to you 😔

I have a hard line on people flaking on me. I'd dump the first time someone stood me up without a really good verifiable reason (in the first few months before I got invested). I'd give someone one chance once a relationship was established but multiple flakes would result in dumpage. I don't like flaky!

Yes, I would be put out by this but wouldn't read more into it than she's prioritised the event and not handled it well on this occasion by oscillating on her decision on what to do.

It's a big event she's on high alert over and shoes online aren't guaranteed to fit anyway. So, even if they turn up she may have to find a plan B. She doesn't want to miss them. It's a comms/ flaking issue.

She should have said 'sorry but shall we set off once they've arrived or I meet you there, I do need to sort the shoes myself''. Alternatively, not agreed to a day at the seaside if her priority was preparing for the event. Which yes, includes her outfit.

It sounds trivial because it was fancy shoes but in reality it was something important and time sensitive to her. She has let you down re the day out you were looking forward to but consider whether this is a one off.

If they were crucial for an event on Monday, I would be the same as her, because I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my day out, as I’d be stressing about the parcel arriving, so I would wait in too. However I would have cancelled plans once I found out, not as I was due to go out.
maybe she thought by messaging you to say about the parcel initially was her cancelling, she just wasn’t explicit about it?

You were only making the plans yesterday so it wasn't a long-standing arrangement.

I notice you say it's happened before (missed that). What does that look like?

I wouldn't take it personally. I think this is a her thing, not a you thing.

However it would frustrate the hell out of me, so it's really down to whether you can deal with it or not.

Did you reply OP?

Im invested.

FWIW, I don’t believe she is “doing something else” or has other plans like others have suggested. 🙄

It’s clearly just inconsiderate behaviour.

Which is not ok.

'Admittedly it's an important day for her.'

and that is her focus !

and what if the neighbour isn't going to be in all day today, it puts an obligation now on the neighbour to agree that they will be staying in all day.

she is at work tomorrow - so can't pop off to local Post Office depots to collect the parcel, as my postie won't send it back to the depot until after attempted delivery.
so now we are onto Saturday - down here it's only open in the morning, is she working on Saturday ?

That is very much not the experience for most people who wait for parcels and letters from Royal Mail! I sell a lot on eBay and receive a lot of parcels -they are never consistent!