Binned off by my girlfriend for a parcel, AIBU?

[Quarterofacenturyold]

I'm a woman, same sex relationship of around 6 months if its relevant, probably not but mentioning for context. We've been taking it slowly but are exclusive, have met one another's parents etc.

Yesterday we were making plans to take a drive down to the coast today to make the most of the nice weather. Ice creams, doughnuts and whatever else. I'm on annual leave this week and she doesn't work on Thursdays *

An hour or so after we finalised our plans she text me a screenshot of a parcel that is due to be delivered today. For context, the parcel is a pair of shoes she needs for an event this coming Monday. Admittedly it's an important day for her.

I suggested she ask her neighbour if they'd mind taking in the parcel or failing that, I said if it's royal mail she would be able to go and collect it from the depot.

She doesn't cancel our plans which is what I assumed she would have done there and then if she'd decided not to come.

Fast forward to this morning (one hour before we are due to leave) I text and asked what time she'd be ready for me to collect her, only then does she tell me she isn't coming.

She said she can't do anything today except to wait indoors for the parcel and that I should go ahead regardless and enjoy my day.

I'm upset. In particular about her waiting until the last minute to tell me, but am I being unreasonable? What would you have done if you were her?

Similar has happened before.

I'm yet to respond.

I only get this with DPD, never Royal Mail or anyone else.

So what if parcel was due to be delivered on a day she was at work? ...would she tell work she was having to dsy off to wait for a parcel

Too ridiculous to comment on.

Only recently started doing this in my area (thankfully!) too.
Most deliveries tend to allow a 'safe place' now and leave parcels. Maybe your GF is stressing about them not arriving in time!
You are absolutely entitled to feel aggrieved, I would too! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hope you had a nice time nonetheless - hard to beat a nice day at the seaside.
I suppose you can't know for certain what was going through her head until you ask her. You both deserve to know the why.
In my younger days, I would have been anxious about a parcel arriving for an important event, and I reckon I would have held off postponing any plans in the hope that I could do both.. ie that the parcel would sooner than - later and I could still have a great day out... it is the lack of communication that hurts - and our brain fills in the knowledge gaps with "not that into me" thoughts, when the reality is - you don't know the reason.
Have a chat with her - if you want to continue with the relationship - even if you don't. Best wishes.

Does she like going to the beach? Maybe if it her only day off she didn't fancy doing that?
She should have told you though if she didn't want to go.

Her behaviour reminds me of a narcissist I knew. You will be gaslit on this one. Trust your gut. It's telling you something.

It's the last minute cancellation that is upsetting. Bloody downright rude!! Yes I'd be pissed off.

This sounds exactly like my ex, to the point where I thought it actually could be but she’s 30 until May 😂 I had this exact relationship and it drained everything out of me, I was never a priority and was cancelled on at every opportunity - it never gets better and it’s never worth it, sorry OP 💐

I agree with previous posters of whenever you do end it, keep it very short and concise. I know it's tempting to get everything off your chest but it'll give her ammunition to argue with. Giving her a two-liner will have more impact and still allow you to keep your dignity.

I can understand not wanting to miss the delivery - my post office is basically only open when I'm at work - but not cancelling last minute, that's not acceptable.

Op i would research avoidant behaviour and avoidant attachment as I’ve been treated similar in the past and the way she cancels on you at the last minute, seems flaky and would rather wait at home for a pair of shoes to be delivered after you have only been together 6 months is basically what avoidant and emotionally unavailable people do after they got over the initial excitement of a new relationship.

Having said that she could just be ‘not into you’ but surely if that was the case she would have ended things with you by now.

Yeah but it would have been fun to shake out the man haters say you were bu then see the mood shift to yanbu when you do the reveal

I would advise you to end the relationship. Moving forward, she will probably take you for granted which won't be at all good for your self esteem.

Sorry OP, as others have said, if she wanted to hang out with you, then she would have.

On the plus side, 6 months isn't long, and she sounds like a tiresome PITA from what you've said (sorry again). I think one day you'll realise you've dodged a bullet.

She probably arranged it so they DID come on her day off.

The one arrangement for your week off and it wasn't worth her making the effort for.
And the neighbour passing away but is that even a so I couldn't have asked them to take in the parcel.

I agree; sort of. We're all well used to having to work around deliveries these days, so if she'd prefer to wait in for a pair of shoes rather than enjoy today's (I hope/assume wherever you are!) glorious weather with you, this is definitely a sign that she's not as into the relationship as you clearly are.

I wouldn't necessarily be so quick to just end the relationship, though; rather, I'd be more inclined to "manufacture" situations requiring some degree of commitment and see how she responds. If she tends to shy away from them, you can infer from this that she isn't very committed to the relationship and take the appropriate action.

... Having said this, however, it's also within the realms of possibility that she's simply not as comfortable as you obviously are with the idea of being in a same sex relationship.

This is not necessarily a bad thing; it may just be about her previous experiences.

For example, others may have reacted adversely when she told them she was in a same sex relationship, and, depending on her levels of self confidence and how susceptible she may (or may not) be to the opinions of others, this might be influencing the behaviour she's now exhibiting.

Before cutting ties, I'd be inclined to sit her down and just ask her point blank if this might be the case. (She may not even be aware that it is, as we're not always introspective enough to examine negative feelings/reactions; especially those we'd rather not be having.)

If it turns out that it is, then you'll know that her behaviour is borne purely out of fear rather than her not being invested in the relationship.

I wish you the best my dear and pray that the latter explanation is indeed the case...

i.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She probably thought sending the screenshot was her saying she actually needs to stay in - and I think this was good in itself as it shows it's not just an excuse. Although it would have been nice if she suggested you come over instead or going out in the evening afterwards.

It's disappointing when you're looking forward to something but personally I prefer relationships to be more chilled. I get life takes over, sometimes you're just tired or whatever it may be. It doesn't necessarily mean they're not into you. I like to think they are there because they want to, not because they now feel obligated to.

Literally today this guy cancelled last minute on me basically because he's hungover. I could be annoyed but actually I've been there too and I'm happy doing my thing and we'll simply just meet another time when we're both up for it. But that's my relaxed approach and I guess others are different.

Red flags 🚩 these last-minute cancellations are hurtful initially, then tiresome.

With people who behave like this

• go on the day out by yourself
• go away for the planned weekend by yourself
• go on the holiday by yourself
• don’t plan a wedding

Life’s too short to feel sad and you get used to planning things on your own 💐

This! It gives an insight of the character of a person when they display this sort of behaviour. Maybe a one-off last minute cancellation due to illness or something that can’t be avoided fair enough but to cancel over and over again at the last minute tells me this person is an avoidant commitophobe and pretty much very selfish.
Cancelling because of a parcel delivery of shoes just seems to be a very passive aggressive way of saying “I can’t be arsed to meet you and you are not a priority or important in my life, the shoes are way more important”.

Emotionally abusive people will always create reasons for you not to break up. I spent two and a half years in a relationship when I probably should have got out in the first six months. There is never a right time; there will always be something that's just happened or an event you're supposed to be going to.

She gave you hardly any notice to cancel a day out over a pair of shoes that didn't fit anyway...

And surely if her neighbour was dying she'd have mentioned it when you asked if the parcel could be left with a neighbour?...

I don't think I'm the only person she does this to.

What makes you think this...? 🤔

How are getting on @Quarterofacenturyold ? Hope you've had a good weekend and feeling stronger and more clearheaded.