Binned off by my girlfriend for a parcel, AIBU?

[Quarterofacenturyold]

I'm a woman, same sex relationship of around 6 months if its relevant, probably not but mentioning for context. We've been taking it slowly but are exclusive, have met one another's parents etc.

Yesterday we were making plans to take a drive down to the coast today to make the most of the nice weather. Ice creams, doughnuts and whatever else. I'm on annual leave this week and she doesn't work on Thursdays *

An hour or so after we finalised our plans she text me a screenshot of a parcel that is due to be delivered today. For context, the parcel is a pair of shoes she needs for an event this coming Monday. Admittedly it's an important day for her.

I suggested she ask her neighbour if they'd mind taking in the parcel or failing that, I said if it's royal mail she would be able to go and collect it from the depot.

She doesn't cancel our plans which is what I assumed she would have done there and then if she'd decided not to come.

Fast forward to this morning (one hour before we are due to leave) I text and asked what time she'd be ready for me to collect her, only then does she tell me she isn't coming.

She said she can't do anything today except to wait indoors for the parcel and that I should go ahead regardless and enjoy my day.

I'm upset. In particular about her waiting until the last minute to tell me, but am I being unreasonable? What would you have done if you were her?

Similar has happened before.

I'm yet to respond.

Probably going to get jumped on for this, but she may have ADHD (unable to do anything apart from the thing that’s happening that day (I now that’s not specific to ADHD but it can be one of the symptoms if others are also present), flaky, etc.) If she was focused on the parcel being delivered she wouldn’t think of doing anything else because nothing else needed to happen because the only thing happening was the parcel being delivered.

She might be ND or she might just be a bit pants.

If you’re madly in love you will happily accept her “quirks”. If it’s not a relationship of a lifetime they will drive you mad and she’s not the one for you. You don’t need to accept her idiosyncrasies and she doesn’t need to change.

Hope you have a good day.

I’m kind of on the fence here. If it is a really important or expensive parcel I can understand wanting to stay home and wait for the package. I know I changed my afternoon plans on Tuesday to wait for a parcel, I wasn’t leaving that out to potentially be stolen.

I don’t think it necessarily means she’s not that into you but maybe you both have different communication styles. Maybe she expected you to understand the pic and come up with an alternative plan?

If you feel like it’s something that you can’t handle or even feel she wouldn’t respond positively to a conversation about it. I don’t think you are wrong to walk away. A 6 month relationship is in its infancy.

FWIW I wouldn’t leave an important parcel with a neighbour or in general, but that’s just me. It’s a time sensitive parcel for Monday and she needs to make sure she gets it.

I could’ve seen my partner doing something like this. He’s high functioning autistic and can be rigid.

It’s not ideal, only you can decide whether breaking up is best.

I wouldn't have changed plans with family to wait in for a flower delivery either to be fair. It's extra annoying when the delivery is something you haven't even ordered yourself!

I haven't replied yet as I'm still a bit upset, I will later on. It's helping to get your opinions.

I think if it was just this one occasion and there weren't a pattern of similar beforehand I would be completely understanding given the importance of Monday for her.

Unfortunately as I touched on briefly it's not an isolated thing and is something she has done numerous times before, leaving me feeling let down and her not seeming particularly sorry about it.

I'm pretty sure she isn't neurodivergent but I can see why some might wonder based on her anxiety about the parcel.

The irony is I actually understand her wanting to make sure she's in to collect the parcel, I'm just that fed up of her doing things like this (with no good reason usually) I kinda have compassion fatigue now.

Just as an opposing view if she's a worrier/anxious person is she also a bit introverted and feel uncomfortable to speak to neighbours/strangers because who is friendly these days unless I'm more of a village where everyone knows everyone.

Also if she's a worrier, do you think it's possible that she's anxious about Monday and is also planning/preparing on her one day off? And she needs the shoes im her hands she feels she's "ready" for Monday.

You're not wrong and her communication was poor. I don't think it sounds as simple as she chose shoes over a day out. I think you think about things differently and communitr differently. By giving you a heads up about the shoes she thought she'd let you know she couldn't come and instead you (with your innate behaviour) tried to compromise and problem solve to do both. She then avoided because she didn't want to confrontation.

Being with someone different to you isn't necessary bad, only you can know if this incomparability is a deal break or something you should both work on, if the relationship is worth it. :)

Our post is an absolute nightmare so I do understand especially as she needs them, but I'd be more worried that she didn't suggest you still spend the day with her

Ok if it's a pattern, I think you need to make a decision how to proceed based upon that. Especially if she isn't particularly sorry at changing her mind.

If this one occasion is the straw breaking your back that's fine. Have a conversation or call things off but I wouldn't make it all about this incident as in and of itself she's prioritised her delivery for an important event and let you know. Disappointing but understandable in isolation.

It is more about the pattern and the lack of consideration overall. Decide what you'll accept and stick to it. Don't wait for someone to change.

I think perhaps you not replying for a while will give her time to ponder the fact that she has acted like a dick (again).

Thats not a nice was to treat a GF.
Sounds selfish, disrespectful and like she doesn’t care about your feelings/your time.

If she’s dead nervous about this work event, and can’t see beyond her own nose on this one occasion, then maybe I’d give her the benefit of doubt.

But as you said, she has form for this.

Don’t reply.

Invest your heart elsewhere OP.

I do understand her wanting to be in to get the parcel and especially as she needs the shoes for an event on Monday. However, she should have made it clear earlier that she was cancelling the day and I think if it had been me, I'd have still wanted to spend most of the day with you so I'd have invited you round anyway and said we can hang out together until the parcel arrives, have lunch if it doesn't show up until after lunch and then go out somewhere for the rest of the day once it is there.
It could arrive at 10 am for example and then there's no reason to cancel the trip out.

I think she's either extremely anxious or she's not that into you.
I know that in most of my relationships at the 6 month stage I couldn't wait to see them and I'd have suggested an alternative and not let a parcel get in the way.

She might be flakey and uncaring, or she might be neurotic and unreasonable- an anxious person who lacks perspective and thinks in black and white.

The sending of the picture and the recitation of details make me think it's the second problem. There are a lot of people like this these days, and I find them very frustrating and wouldn't want one as my partner.

When ever I had to pop out somewhere and a parcel was arriving and I couldn't wait I would leave a note on the door asking them to leave it in x destination. I think you have to ask yourself what it is you have in common with her and whether you can tolerate her. You're obviously ready for a commited relationship and want to spend time with someone you love. The question you need to ask yourself is she ready and are you willing to wait if she's not?

How do you go about getting a neighbour to take it in for you if the post delivers to your address? Do you mean she should put a note on her door asking the postman to take it over to another address? Sorry, I’m probably an over thinker too, trying to work out how it’s done.

She has just text me fuming that the package hasn't arrived 😬

No apology for a misunderstanding or anything like that, no interest in whether I've gone on as planned or have had my day ruined. Just "that fucking parcel hasn't arrived"

Also RE how to get the neighbour to accept the parcel, I just meant to knock on and ask if they'd be in and so would they mind taking the parcel when it comes. If yes, I'd then pop a note on my own door saying please deliver to Doris at number 2.

No, nor me! Not for Royal Mail. I am envious of the poster who has this!

From a different perspective- did you acknowledge to her that Monday is a really significant day and you understand that she needs the package? Did you suggest staying in with her and doing something together at her house until the package arrived, then going out in the afternoon? It sounds to me like neither of you have been brilliant at communicating.

She sounds quite blinkered and self centred.

At six months dating you should hopefully still be in the phase of wanting to either be together as much as you can, or miss the person when you can’t be with them. It sounds like she’s a bit indifferent to it.

I've helped her with a ton of prep for Monday. I'm always super supportive.

I didn't outright told me to 'go and enjoy my day in the sun' and no suggestion she'd want to see me if I didn't. As she cancelled I think the burden is on her to suggest an alternative or invite me round.

“That fucking girlfriend didn’t arrive.”

As way of response.

(Dont take my advice. I’m always fucking Jo with my GF 🤣)

Jesus that autocorrect!!

Jo = up!

Hurtful and disappointing OP. I'd back off a bit and see if she's actually bothered. Presuming you're 25? You're so young, don't waste any more time with her if she treats you like this.

• she outright told me, that should say. I can't edit the post.

Presumably she thought that sending you the screenshot and details at the time was telling you that she wasn't coming?

I might also want to wait in for the parcel if for an important event (though I think a lot of others wouldn’t), but agreeing to go and then switching on you at the last minute is really odd and suggests you are a low priority.