Binned off by my girlfriend for a parcel, AIBU?

[Quarterofacenturyold]

I'm a woman, same sex relationship of around 6 months if its relevant, probably not but mentioning for context. We've been taking it slowly but are exclusive, have met one another's parents etc.

Yesterday we were making plans to take a drive down to the coast today to make the most of the nice weather. Ice creams, doughnuts and whatever else. I'm on annual leave this week and she doesn't work on Thursdays *

An hour or so after we finalised our plans she text me a screenshot of a parcel that is due to be delivered today. For context, the parcel is a pair of shoes she needs for an event this coming Monday. Admittedly it's an important day for her.

I suggested she ask her neighbour if they'd mind taking in the parcel or failing that, I said if it's royal mail she would be able to go and collect it from the depot.

She doesn't cancel our plans which is what I assumed she would have done there and then if she'd decided not to come.

Fast forward to this morning (one hour before we are due to leave) I text and asked what time she'd be ready for me to collect her, only then does she tell me she isn't coming.

She said she can't do anything today except to wait indoors for the parcel and that I should go ahead regardless and enjoy my day.

I'm upset. In particular about her waiting until the last minute to tell me, but am I being unreasonable? What would you have done if you were her?

Similar has happened before.

I'm yet to respond.

Think about this you supported and helped prepare her for her day on Monday. This is what she does in return for your efforts she is all about herself. She could have easily bought a pair of shoes on Saturday or Sunday unless she lives in the middle of nowhere with no transportation. You need to tell her how you feel.

I'm giving this some serious thought.

I think it would be cathartic for me to tell her how I feel about where I slot into her priorities (namely, at the bottom of the list)

It isn't even about this occasion but the picture as a whole. There has been a good 7-10 times I've felt similarly to how I do today, it just so happens that this time there is a somewhat understandable reason for cancelling (even if I do disagree with how she went about it)

This is supposed to be the honeymoon period and I've spent a sizable portion of it feeling sad.

Different areas have sorting offices with different times, some are open Saturday, some aren't. Perhaps their sorting office is a long way away - ours is about 15 miles away! Same with different posties, some will leave a parcel in a safe place, some will leave with a neighbour, some will just take it back to the sorting office. If you get the dreaded "while you were out" card on a Thursday, you can't re-arrange home delivery until the Monday - they won't do the next day and won't re-deliver on a Saturday. I suspect the GF has had poor experiences with their local royal mail, and doesn't want the hassle of delivery being attempted when they're not there. I've certainly had the run around by Royal Mail when it's happened to me. If you're not living in the middle of a town with a local sorting office open 6 days a week, it's really not quite as simple as people are making out who live in places that aren't like that. If the only re-delivery option is Monday, and they're at work on Monday, then it's today or they miss the deadline really!

"We teach people how to treat us" and "when someone shows you who they are, believe them" are two sayings that when applied to your life, protect you from many of those whom would treat you badly on a loop.

Agree. I really hope OP went and did something nice with her day.

Not all RM deliveries are like that. I think it depends on the seller and how much they've paid and what service they've chosen. I've had a couple of parcels with advance notice like that, but dozens without.

If she needed them for Monday, I can't blame her for wanting to wait in.

But - I would have told you when I first realised they were coming on that day that I wouldn't be available.

RM will either leave the parcel with a neighbour or return it back to the depot. The calling card gives options of picking it up or redelivery. I don't know why the op feels her wants is less important than her GF getting her shoes from RM. It's not that hard to pick up if you're not at home. If she's always avoiding trips out who is she hiding from? That's the question I would be asking.

It just all sounds tiring. And she sounds as though she has no life skills and puts herself first and second in this relationship.

If she was really stressed about this parcel, the logical thing to have done would be to write you a message, saying: I’m sorry I’ve fucked up with the delivery of this parcel and our coast trip - I’m really want to make sure I get the parcel in time, it’s stressing me out, so could we go to the coast at the weekend instead and you come round and spend the Thursday over at mine?

Yanbu, but irregardless of that, the relationship just doesn't sound good .

You sound nice. You question your feelings and are being as considerate as possible, even though you are upset.

I'd say any relationship where you are feeling sidelined and upset this many times in a few months just isn't the right one for you.

Definitely let her know her shoddy treatment is unacceptable. But be careful she doesn't hoover you back in. She seems to find you convenient to keep around, and easy to cancel on. I would not be giving her any more chances even if she promises things will change. I would not be able to get past how she has already treated me. Why would you do that to yourself?

I really struggle to see how GF sending a screenshot of an impending delivery, OP replying ‘your neighbour could take it in or you could re-arrange delivery date’, and the GF replying ‘ah good thinking’ could possibly be taken as a cancellation of the entire day out??

I’d be willing to give her some grace if this is a very stressful event or something, but it sounds like this is plain and simple just the way she is OP. It would even be slightly more palatable if she used her actual words to cancel the day before, but she didn’t… she sent a screenshot that you were supposed to know meant she’d be sitting on her arse all day waiting for the postman?? I can’t see that I’d have any time for this OP. Annual leave is precious!

Here's my latest email from royal mail.
Parcel turned up today at about 3.30pm. Not sure what the point of the email is tbh. I've found they always come a day earlier than they say.

Can you imagine if you wasn't in you would have to go to the post office to pick it up. The drama 😱

Whether it's "hard" or not depends on the local sorting office opening hours/days, and how far away it is. People have different experiences.

As my "local" sorting office is either 2 buses and a walk/3 buses if a lazy, only open 8am-10am, and then 4pm-6pm weekdays only. Then they want photo ID to collect the parcel, which I don't have, then yes. It is fucking drama tbh.

Luckily I was in!

All post offices work the same way just like McDonalds. The same

@Careertimenow

It's not that hard to pick up if you're not at home.

Depends on the location. Our sorting office is 15 miles away and only opens 8am to 10am Monday to Friday! So, in our case, it really IS hard to pick up especially as it's in the opposite direction to where OH works (different town).

Not everyone has a sorting office round the corner that's open all day, six days a week!

It's why I try to avoid Royal Mail for mail orders and online deliveries. I prefer firms who use other options, like DPD or Amazon where you can choose lockers. I know you can sometimes chose delivery to a post office, but lots of online retailers don't offer that as an option and you're at their mercy as to which RM service they choose to send it as to whether you'll get notifications and delivery time estimates. I particularly like DPD where you can divert it somewhere else once you've had the email/text with the estimated time if you're not going to be in - we do that a lot as we can redirect it to our local Co-Op.

No, they really don't. Even the different posties have different methods here.

When I had to pick up my parcel it's a bus into to town and then a walk past the train station. I bought some clothes online once and had to ask the delivery company to deliver my parcel to the holiday site we was going to because they couldn't deliver on the day I needed it. I couldn't say to the family you go without me and I will see you up there while I wait for my parcel. They would look at me as if I'm crackers.

But, sorry OP, she should have at very least apologised and explained properly rather than a screen shot. And no idea why she couldn't have invited you over to spend time together. Doesn't sound great.

I'm going to draft a concise and straight to the point message to her which I'll send either later on or tomorrow morning.

I saw one or two people pick up on how she sounds a bit immature and lacks life skills, that much is true. I'm not saying that to be unkind.

She has asked for my help with so many things that most people would find straight forward, and because I care about her I don't hesitate.

She comes to me with everything and anything. I've become her sounding board for every issue and inconvenience in her life, but I don't see any of that energy when it comes to me.

After I started noticing the pattern I thought I'd test my theory and asked her for her help with something small. I asked her to meet me from the station and help with my bags - she didn't have time, was rushing about etc.

Another occasion she went shopping and I asked if she could pick me up some dairy milk for when I came over the next day. She didn't bother getting it. She thought I was joking apparently.

Little things like that.

I have never, not once cancelled on her. I jump at the chance to see her and get really excited about it.

Reading this back to myself it's dawning on me that I'm being taken for a mug, aren't I?

Edited to add: we live in a big city in the North so don't have any of the aforementioned issues with royal mail in rural areas.

Nope, different ones have different opening hours, at least around here, which is why our sorting office isn't open on a Saturday and has no afternoon opening hours at all any day. The sorting office in the next nearest town has afternoon openings and Saturday mornings.

Proximity is also very different. You're probably not far away if you live in a big town or city, but if you live in a smaller town, or rural, you may have quite a journey to get to it. As I say, ours is 15 miles away, in fact in a different county!

Anyway, we're talking about sorting offices, not post offices. There's a big difference! Sorting offices are Royal Mail, post offices are Post Offices. Two different companies. But even different post offices have different opening hours.

That does sound inconvenient. DPD can be a nightmare sometimes they seem to have a lull now and then. Amazon is pretty good with deliveries.

I am currently single and planning on staying that way because I'm always generous in relationships, it's something I can't switch off easily, so its best to be on my own. It's really disheartening when you realise people don't give a shit.

To be honest, I just default all Amazon deliveries to our nearest Amazon locker. Takes away all the stress/hassle of wondering if I'll be in and whether they leave it, where they leave it, whether it'll get stolen, etc. I just wish Royal Mail would offer them as I'd then use them more.