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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Binned off by my girlfriend for a parcel, AIBU?

225 replies

Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:22

I'm a woman, same sex relationship of around 6 months if its relevant, probably not but mentioning for context. We've been taking it slowly but are exclusive, have met one another's parents etc.

Yesterday we were making plans to take a drive down to the coast today to make the most of the nice weather. Ice creams, doughnuts and whatever else. I'm on annual leave this week and she doesn't work on Thursdays *

An hour or so after we finalised our plans she text me a screenshot of a parcel that is due to be delivered today. For context, the parcel is a pair of shoes she needs for an event this coming Monday. Admittedly it's an important day for her.

I suggested she ask her neighbour if they'd mind taking in the parcel or failing that, I said if it's royal mail she would be able to go and collect it from the depot.

She doesn't cancel our plans which is what I assumed she would have done there and then if she'd decided not to come.

Fast forward to this morning (one hour before we are due to leave) I text and asked what time she'd be ready for me to collect her, only then does she tell me she isn't coming.

She said she can't do anything today except to wait indoors for the parcel and that I should go ahead regardless and enjoy my day.

I'm upset. In particular about her waiting until the last minute to tell me, but am I being unreasonable? What would you have done if you were her?

Similar has happened before.

I'm yet to respond.

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/03/2025 08:50

What would she have done if the shoes had been arriving on any day other than a Thursday (her day off)?

She could easily have gone on the royal mail website and specified a safe place or a neighbour.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 27/03/2025 08:51

Other examples of similar occurrences are her cancelling things at the last minute, like dinner and the cinema. Not always great reasons for it.

Seems you should value yourself a bit more. That isn't okay from her.

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/03/2025 08:53

I would think it was more that you were talking at cross purposes in the initial exchange, and she thought you might rearrange for another day.

DesperateDenise · 27/03/2025 08:53

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:34

Yes. Plus you get emails with a time slot.

Evri is bang on 10am on the dot here. DPD give one hour time frames.. No delivery company these days gives all day slots. It’s just a shit excuse.

Show quote history

When Royal Mail send communications about a parcel delivery to me I just ignore them : they are meaningless. The parcel might arrive when they say , it might arrive a different time on the named day, it might arrive a different day. Similarly if you get in touch on their website to reschedule for a different day they just ignore that.
Our postal service hardly exists. A delivery once a fortnight possibly. Most locals just go to the sorting office to collect their post.

Loubylie · 27/03/2025 08:53

The event is important to her and so the shoes are too. Maybe she thought she had cancelled by sending the parcel notification
Give her the benefit of the doubt this time.

But maybe you're not that well suited if you are more chilled than her and can't empathise with her more inflexible need for the shoes.

But everyone is different and sometimes people can appreciate each other's quirks.

Justsaywhatyoumean123 · 27/03/2025 08:54

That sounds very rigid. Have a lovely day regardless, try not to take it personally it sounds like that's her quirk.

Ace56 · 27/03/2025 08:55

You can always tell how much someone actually wants to see you by observing if they try to rearrange, rather than just bailing.

I agree with pp, she really should have said ‘I need to stay in today but why don’t you come round and we can have doughnuts and ice cream here?’ etc etc. Or perhaps you could’ve met up in the evening instead, once the parcel had arrived. If she’s not apologetic or trying to rearrange, she’s just not that interested.

Agapornis · 27/03/2025 08:57

Sod that, I don't date flakes. At 6 months I'd try to have a chat about it though.

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/03/2025 08:57

DesperateDenise · 27/03/2025 08:53

When Royal Mail send communications about a parcel delivery to me I just ignore them : they are meaningless. The parcel might arrive when they say , it might arrive a different time on the named day, it might arrive a different day. Similarly if you get in touch on their website to reschedule for a different day they just ignore that.
Our postal service hardly exists. A delivery once a fortnight possibly. Most locals just go to the sorting office to collect their post.

Show quote history

Yeah, I rearranged a delivery due to come on Tuesday, for the following day, Wednesday, and then in fact delivered it on Monday, a day early! It was ok in this case as actually that would have been my preference if it had been offered, but it just shows you that they do their own thing most of the time.

SepticCess · 27/03/2025 09:00

myplace · 27/03/2025 08:27

She’s not able to be flexible about some things, I suppose. This scenario would send DH into freeze mode- two competing events, can only do one… he’d choose what he saw as essential- waiting for his parcel- over what he saw as a ‘fun extra’.

It is frustrating. So if you can’t live with it, move along.

My Dh would wait for the parcel too. 'Freeze mode' is a great term for what he does. He adores me though. It's no reflection on our relationship in any way and he would be hurt if I suggested it.

In her shoes, given the thing on Monday is a big deal, I would do the same. I would have let you know earlier though so you have clarity.

AssassinsBlade · 27/03/2025 09:04

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 08:29

Surely she can do both? Royal Mail usually have a regular delivery time.

I wouldn’t want to miss a delivery I needed by a certain date either but RM are good at leaving things in a safe place or with a neighbour. They never seem to take them back to be delivered another day anymore.

You can go on the RM website, track your parcel and rearrange delivery for another day. You can’t usually get it for the day after it’s due but can select any other day or time (barring Sundays) that suit. Saturday should be available to choose if she went on the website today.

Eldermilleniallyogii · 27/03/2025 09:04

It is odd that she didn't tell you but it could be the way she is. Some people get anxiety about seemingly small things.

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/03/2025 09:04

Looking at it from her perspective, one could say that the OP doesn't care enough about the other woman's existing plans to rearrange the day out.

When I first went out with DH I totally friendzoned him as I was getting over a four year relationship (which is huge when you are 23) and was still having sex with had feelings for my ex and probably would have prioritised something minor.

We will have been married for 21 years in June.

MoreChocPls · 27/03/2025 09:06

I wonder if she’s doing something else. She’s not fussed by you clearly.

BeckyBismuth · 27/03/2025 09:07

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 27/03/2025 08:51

Other examples of similar occurrences are her cancelling things at the last minute, like dinner and the cinema. Not always great reasons for it.

Seems you should value yourself a bit more. That isn't okay from her.

Bin her off, she is selfish. It will send a rocket up her arse that it's not all about her.

AthWat · 27/03/2025 09:07

It's just a bit shit communication really.

What time did she say she wasn't coming? Quite possibly she was hoping the parcel would already have arrived by then. A lot of people who are not good at planning and fulfilling their commitments tend to hope everything will work out the best way possible, enabling them to do two clashing things, until the point that it doesn't.

thesugarbumfairy · 27/03/2025 09:07

I would have waited in for the parcel too. (I have to wait in for one today so I can't go into the office. They cannot deliver to a neighbour as its meds - has to be to me)
I would also have told you that clearly and immediately, not just not bothered saying something till the last minute. Thats incredibly inconsiderate.

Viviennemary · 27/03/2025 09:07

She is a ridiculous selfish waste of space. No other option but get rid of her and leave her to enjoy her oh so important shoes. You sound a considerate person and deserve better.

AthWat · 27/03/2025 09:10

Quarterofacenturyold · 27/03/2025 08:49

She said "Ah good thinking"

Show quote history

The problem with specifying where Royal Mail should leave something is that half the time the delivery person ignores or doesn't get the memo, in my experience.

And if something goes back to the depot I've always managed to get it, but occasionally not without it being sent out again for another failed delivery before I manage to, so if time is of the essence, I wouldn't consider that as sure as waiting in for it.

Letstheriveranswer · 27/03/2025 09:11

If she was really into byou she would have tried to make arrangements for the parcel and cancelling would have been the last resort.
Also you said you replied to her screenshot suggesting solutions, did she not respond to those to say 'I'll do that' or 'I already asked the neighbour and they can't' etc
Very flaky and dismissive to not tell until this morning and then only when you text to ask when to pick her up.

FWIW, my ex (also same sex) lived at a huge distance. I arranged flowers to be delivered just before Xmas, specifically in a time slot I knew she'd be home as her family (DS, BIL and teenage niece/nephews) were visiting and staying for a week and she'd want to hang out with them when she was off work (she worked shifts and was due at work that evening). I told her the day before there was a delivery coming and the 4 hour delivery slot. That morning her family all decided to spontaneously all go and visit another family member 45 minutes away, so she decided to go with them. She also called in work sick so it didn't interrupt her plans! She said the delivery driver would leave the parcel on the porch. I said it was arriving within an hour, could she wait for it as it was perishable. She could have asked her family to hold off an hour, or she could have followed them in her own car. Instead she went with them and the flowers I'd carefully chosen out of love were left sitting on the porch to wither all day in the Australian summer sun. At the time I was really hurt but didn't know if I was over reacting. For two years she insisted she was happy to move because she could video call her family from here and rarely saw them anyway, I was the love of her life blah blah blah. But the flowers thing still niggled me, and there were other occasions when she binned off work to hang out with her sister or niece when they visited, it seemed that when her sister was there, everything took second place. Two years later, she was all set to move over, she had a visa, we'd bought furniture together, her house was packed... and she suddenly binned me off because it suddenly occurred to her that she didn't want to leave her family.

Sometimes these early signs that bother us but seem small, actually represent very big things.

With your gf, it's not just the fast decision to cancel your day out, and we don't know your relationship, how often you see each other, how long you've been together, maybe she needed a day to herself etc. It's the poor communication and flakiness, letting you down at short notice. Whatever you decide to do, I'd keep an eye on that.

SpiritedFlame · 27/03/2025 09:11

For me, I can understand the anxiety of wanting to wait for the parcel but what I can't understand is why she then wouldn't arrange something with you that she is able to do. Like lunch at hers or something?!

I would feel quite hurt by it all, as it isn't just the not coming out, it is the lack of trying to find something more suited for today.

Hdjdb42 · 27/03/2025 09:13

I would stay in for an important parcel too.

Thirteenblackcat · 27/03/2025 09:14

I’d wait for my parcel too

FedupMumof10YearOld · 27/03/2025 09:15

Maybe she's just knackered, wants a day to herself and get ready for Monday and didn't know how to say. She should have just been upfront but maybe she struggles with it

AthWat · 27/03/2025 09:16

SpiritedFlame · 27/03/2025 09:11

For me, I can understand the anxiety of wanting to wait for the parcel but what I can't understand is why she then wouldn't arrange something with you that she is able to do. Like lunch at hers or something?!

I would feel quite hurt by it all, as it isn't just the not coming out, it is the lack of trying to find something more suited for today.

Maybe she thought the OP actually wants to go down to the coast and didn't want to stop her? The OP could say "I won't bother if it's just me, shall I come round instead?"