Furious at my lazy fuck of a boyfriend.

[ThrowingHands]

A couple of months ago, I began to notice our dog was pooing in the house and I couldn't figure out why. He's an older dog so took him to the vet to try and figure out if it was fecal incontinence due to his other health issues. Vet said unlikely. Thought we were going to have to run more invasive tests until bf announces yeah he's been doing it for weeks.

I said well what have you been doing about it? He said nothing because he's been sleeping. He works an evening shift and gets to bed quite late, and has been letting the dog shit in the house rather than wake up before 11am to see to him.

I was fizzing. Not least because he also said he doesnt clean the floor the dog has pooped on. Just picks up the poo and wipes the area with a dry paper towel if needed. Fucking gross.

I took a week off work annual leave and retrained the dog again. Basically involved sleeping on the sofa downstairs and getting up at all hours of the night to make sure the dog goes out when he needs to, and it worked. He's been fine for weeks.

Until this morning when he did it again in the house (even though the back door was wide open), and then in my car on the way to the park.

Spoke to bf and yep, he's been letting the dog go in the house again because he's too tired to get up.

I have told him to pack a bag and get to his mums. I can't even look at him right now. AIBU to tell him not to bother coming back?

Another one who didn't bother RTFT! 🙄 OP and her lazy fucker exbf bought the dog together - it was a joint commitment.

I suspect the poor dog is distressed at poo-ing indoors if s/he has always been clean before now.

Time for a showdown.

Dog deserves better. You deserve better.

If he isn't willing to do better (pop the dog out at 3am seems a simple step, but certainly to clean up properly) then he isn't invested in the relationship and can jog on.

@ThrowingHands

so he's at his mums now, great.

how are you feeling now? About things going forward? Do you feel strong enough to make this a permanent split?

I know you've been together a long time, but he sounds like lazy inconsiderate by oaf. Who you would be much better off without..

Going forward, I would just wake the dog up and go for a nice pottering walk until he's had his poo and you can go to work knowing he'll just be snoozing until you get home.

If you can afford it, you could pay a dog sitter walker to do a lunchtime visit for company and maybe a potter around the Neighbourhood. If you think he would enjoy it.

It sounds like your life would be improved by not living with such a twat. And your house will be much cleaner and smell much nicer.!!

Ewww!

And not fair to the dog!

I wonder what the vet thought when your bf admitted in front of him that the poor dog was pooing in the house was actually down to him? Apart from absolutely fizzing, I'd have been dying of embarrassment - because not only did it speak volumes about your bf, it also must have raised questions in the vet's mind about the state of your relationship.

Sounds like he needs to remain at his mum's until he finds other accommodation.

Vile. You're well rid.

Not sure if this has been mentioned but depending on the size of the dog, could you have a dog door fitted? and then a camera or something put in the back?

We have two dogs and work from home, but they go in and out all day playing while I’m working.

He didn't admit it in front of the vet. He wouldn't do that. He waited until we got home and told me.

@ThrowingHands You've absolutely done the right thing OP. I've read all your posts and your title "furious at my lazy fuck of a boyfriend" summarises this thread perfectly. He's lucky you've only thrown him out - I'd have fucking killed him to realise your poor woofer would have been "holding it in" until he couldn't any longer! 😡He took on the commitment of owning a dog with you, but now it's all got a bit difficult (due to the woofer's health condition) he just can't be arsed. As you say, the lazy fucker can get out of bed at 8am if there's something he wants to do - but apparently, attending to his ailing dog's needs just isn't one of those things.
DH and I lost our 17yr old Westie in January and we'd been up at all times during the night in his last year when he couldn't settle (including standing in the garden in the depths of winter at 3am!) - it's just what you do for a member of your family when their health is failing - you'd do anything to keep them comfortable and reassure them. Grrrrrrr, his carelessness makes me SO fucking mad! 😡😡😡(Sorry OP, I don't think I've ever sworn this much on MN, let alone in just one post!)
Well done for kicking him into touch OP - you (and your woofer) can do so much better!

he may well be lazy, but its also really hard when an elderly dog starts going in the house. Do you know if the dog is even waking him up? When our old dogs started going in the house, it was quite unpredictable. I remember having rows with dh because of it.
If hes getting up at 11am, hes only getting a normal amount of sleep, 7hrs or so, so i dont see how its laziness particularly.
What time is the dog being fed and walked?
Is there any chance of you feeding him and giving him a short walk to encourage him to poo in the morning before you go to work?
Do you think the dog would go on a pad if necessary?

They got the dog together and he said he would take responsibility in the mornings? She’s expecting her bf to pull his weight with THEIR dog

I’d dump him just for this, that’s absolute BS behaviour, so completely disrespectful of you, your emotions, your time and your money.

Also it’s extra crap that he was embarrassed and angry about you telling his mum what’s he’s doing. Don’t want someone to tell people you’re a twat? Don’t be a twat.

"If he lets the dog out at 3am before going to bed, he should be ok til the morning." But this is the whole point - the lazy exbf wasn't doing this because he couldn't be bothered and once in bed, he couldn't be bothered to get up before 11am (unless there was something he wanted to do) so the poor woofer ended up pooing in the house (because OP gets up at 5am for work and the dog doesn't want to go for a walk at that time and has mobility issues due to its recently-developed neurological condition so it wasn't pooing before she had to leave for work). OP's lazy fucker exbf didn't admit to her he wasn't attending to THEIR dog's needs until the prospect of paying for veterinary tests came up.

Ah yes, it's obviously only OPs fault. And she should definitely take the poor, old, reduced mobility dog for a nice long walk....

Patronising comment. How do you know OP hasn't done this already? (BTW, technology allows you to MN and walk at the same time.) And if you'd RTFT you'd know that this poor woofer has developed a neurological condition affecting his mobility so a long walk isn't an option now.

Put a puppy pad down where he normally goes in the house. It's not a big deal.

@thankyounextplease You're assuming he "normally" goes in the same place. Our 17yr old Westie rarely pooed in the house, but when he did the places were totally random - I couldn't predict it at all.

Gosh there are some strange posts on here today. I haven't read the full thread but on page 1 no-one has asked what you plan to do when your BF leaves.

It's interesting (and rather worrying) that almost everyone just agrees with the previous posts. Then usually, one person disagrees and the thread changes course.

Bloody hell people women really will find any way to defend scumbag men, won't they?! Even one who's so fucking bone idle he won't clean up dog shite. Wanna say I'm surprised but I'm not.
OP, well done telling him to sling his hook.

Is your dog a lab? There is a neuro condition that does occur in labs (as well as other breeds) that affects the spinal cord and reduces sensation in the back legs and bowel. It's progressive. My boy was such a clean lad and had preferred pooing places that he could hold on for hours to go in his favourite places. When he was 10 he stopping being as aware of needing and on walks he would often need to go very suddenly and in areas he would never dream of going before like on the pavement or open ground, I could see this upset him. It progressed until he was pooping in the house, often on the way to the door and latterly in his bed. We made so many accommodations to lessen his distress. He could only walk around the garden in the end, due to the weakness in his back legs eventually couldn't squat at all. That was the point we had to make decisions. Point of it all here is, we made so many changes to help him and if that meant getting up at 3 am to walk him around the garden, so be it. Our own tiredness was not important, he deserved the effort.

OP's BF is home at 1 am, he could take the dog a short walk or two before he goes to bed at 3am. He chooses not too. He couldn't even walk the dog when he was up and about in the afternoon until he was shamed into it. Lazy? maybe? Completely unsympathetic, unable to empathise and unwilling to help with an elderly dog with a devastating, progressive diagnosis - Absolutely. And it's not at all surprising to find out there are other issues with his personality that makes this particular issue a deal breaker.

OP my sympathies in dealing with your elderly dog, it's not easy. Lots of love and strength. Give doggo loads of love and hugs.

Puppy pads are scented to attract the dog to go on them. Unless a dog physically can't get to it for health reasons, it will choose that spot above all others. It's just easier if he already does happen to go in one spot, to keep that spot the same. Usually it's somewhere near the door if he's trying to get out and can't.

As I said, this is the latest in a long line of shitty behaviour and the resentment has been building for a long time. Truth be told, I've been planning my exit for a long time now. I'm going to wallow and lick my wounds today. Tomorrow, I'll be telling him when to pick up the rest of his stuff.