Furious at my lazy fuck of a boyfriend.

[ThrowingHands]

A couple of months ago, I began to notice our dog was pooing in the house and I couldn't figure out why. He's an older dog so took him to the vet to try and figure out if it was fecal incontinence due to his other health issues. Vet said unlikely. Thought we were going to have to run more invasive tests until bf announces yeah he's been doing it for weeks.

I said well what have you been doing about it? He said nothing because he's been sleeping. He works an evening shift and gets to bed quite late, and has been letting the dog shit in the house rather than wake up before 11am to see to him.

I was fizzing. Not least because he also said he doesnt clean the floor the dog has pooped on. Just picks up the poo and wipes the area with a dry paper towel if needed. Fucking gross.

I took a week off work annual leave and retrained the dog again. Basically involved sleeping on the sofa downstairs and getting up at all hours of the night to make sure the dog goes out when he needs to, and it worked. He's been fine for weeks.

Until this morning when he did it again in the house (even though the back door was wide open), and then in my car on the way to the park.

Spoke to bf and yep, he's been letting the dog go in the house again because he's too tired to get up.

I have told him to pack a bag and get to his mums. I can't even look at him right now. AIBU to tell him not to bother coming back?

I mean, bf sounds lazy and irresponsible, so you're well rid.

But doggy... you need to try a 15- 20 minute walk before work. Dogs will often poo if taken for a walk regularly at that time, rather than just a quick go in the garden.

Then a dogwalker to pick your pup up for a walk about 10/10.30, to pre-empt the pooing at 11ish.

I think you will find the dogwalker a better investment than the bf.

And I would bet that he’s parked in the sofa with zero intention of leaving his home

op… he’s still there isn’t he? And sure as hell isn’t packing his bags?

Poor dog - thank goodness it is your dog and not his dog.
The piece of shit can stay at his mother's and never come back.

He's at his mums now. Flounced out calling me all sorts of unreasonable.

I totally agree.

This.... this.... a million times this!

(I've just got a new kitten and you should see the hoops I'm going through to make it work for him and for my resident dog: sleeping downstairs, stairgates all over the house etc etc etc. People like this man should be nowhere near any animals - makes me furious!)

This

Dogs are gross

I really don't think your boyfriend not letting the dog out would explain your dog shitting in the car?!

The dog being let out before your boyfriend goes to bed at 3am then you bringing it for a quick walk before you go then being let out at 11am should really be enough for an adult dog with no bowel issues.

Before my dog started having his health issues, I did use to take him out for a walk in the mornings. I also had a dog walker for a while because my bf admitted that "sometimes he doesnt bother walking him" even though he's home all day and not doing anything else.

My dog has a neurological condition now which means walks are more difficult. He's also not keen to get up at 5am when I do

He's not unreasonable not to want his sleep interrupted. It's a dog, not a newborn baby. He is unreasonable not to talk to you and work out a better solution. The options are, let the dog out at 3am, then go to bed- the dog should be able to manage 8 hours overnight; let the dog out at 3am and you do the same before you leave for work if he can't manage for that long; hire a dog walker to come and get the dog before you leave for work.

He won't let the dog out before he goes to bed unless the dog asks to go out. He says "he doesnt want to wake me by opening and closing the back door" I.e. too lazy to do it.

If the dog won't get up at 5am, why would it get up at 3am?

Bf aside, you need a better plan to care for the dog.

Yanbu. It would be a deal breaker for me because it shows what sort of father and life partner he will be.

When you need care, what use will he be? Fuck all.

I dint know how old you are, and I dont mean this unkindly towards you at all, but this is the sort of thing that I would have rationalised away in my twenties so I could be kind and keep the relationship because, as women, we are conditioned to hold our temper and see all sides of something and our anger subsides.

In my 30s... not a fucking chance. I'm over that shit. People are who they are and I have a much lower tolerance.

I know you aren't planning kids but if you are planning a life, this is the bloke who might one day be your carer, whether you're 80 or just unlucky enough to break a leg or have an early onset health condition and there's not a chance he will give you the care you need. Maybe he's too young or immature, maybe he is selfish. It doesn't matter. He isn't in the same place as you and you can do better.

It sounds like it's your dog rather than his. Why did you only have the dog walker for a while if he's already admitted this to you.
Poor dog.

Was it your dog

I couldn’t go straight to bed getting in at 1 am
so can totally see whey he stays up but if he lets it out before he goes to sleep you walk it in the morning then it should be able to be left till 11am

if it’s your dog I’d say it’s your fault for not walking it before you go to work

Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but surely you should be walking your dog in the morning and making sure it goes to the toilet when you wake up instead of expecting your boyfriend to wake up in the (equivalent of) the middle of the night to do it?

I don't see what he's done wrong here. It's not his fault you don't take it for a walk and make sure it does a pee and a poo before you leave.

Can you also not see that the balance of the scales is way off? You're a caring person adjusting your schedule to care for your dog and trying to find a way to make things easier for your boyfriend, at great personal effort, and he can't be arsed to open a door. He'd rather the dog have tests and lay our money so that he can stay up til 4am. He has no sense if responsibility.

Because bf promised he would do better and take the dog out daily (which to be fair, he did start doing).

He didn't like the fact the dog walker was showing up while he was sat around doing f-all. I think it shamed him into it.

Whose dog is it ? Did you already have the dog when you met or was the dog a joint commitment? If yours then really you needed to find a solution to be there or arrange a dog sitter/walker to come in and take the dog outside if your bf was tired after work? If a joint commitment you’re in the right but it’s not clear .

We've been together 9 years and he moved in with me, to my house.

We bought the dog together. Joint commitment, and he agreed he would take responsibility in the mornings.

Put it this way, how would you like it if your boyfriend went to bed at 11pm and didn't bother to take the dog for a poo, and expected you to get up at 3am to sort it out?

Because that's basically the equivalent of what you're expecting him to do here. Walk your dog before work or pay for a dog walker to come in while he's asleep.

Well then you are absolutely in the right.