Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

[PearlGold]

I would welcome some second opinions here, I’ve had a big row with my DH this afternoon.

-DH’s best friend split up with his partner a few weeks ago
-Said friend has been increasingly spending time at our house with DH - watching television, the odd drink on a weekend etc
-The past two weeks, he has started to make inappropriate comments about women and in general. Examples below:

DH and I needed to pop out leaving him in the house for about an hour, and he said ‘don’t worry, I won’t raid your knicker draw’ which had DH in stitches.

We were watching one of the soaps where there are two female characters who are romantically involved, and he casually said ‘it’s a shame they don’t show them getting the strapon’s out’, DH simply said ‘not before the watershed’.

Another character came on screen and he said something about not kicking her out of bed for farting, again really childish.

He is very bitter about women in general, and keeps slagging off his ex which is really awkward as we met as couples in the past and I got on with her.

I have told DH enough is enough and there must be other friends and family he can spend evenings with. DH says he is just being a friend and that he clearly doesn’t mean any offence by his comments.

I am seriously pissed off now and want my house back!

Call him out yourself?

He sounds awful, its your house too, and this man is making you feel uncomfortable with his inappropriate comments. Tell you DH he can be a friend to him elsewhere, not in your house.

I'd say to him next time he says anything, Bob if you ever hope to have another relationship with a woman I'd suggest you think about how you speak about women in general. Give him these examples if he asks why

You haven't mentioned what you've said to him when he makes these comments?

Surely you don't just say nothing?

He sounds like a total oaf.

Tell your DH, that he may not mean anything by his comments, but you find them sexist, inappropriate and offensive. And you are not prepared to be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home.

I think having your husband speak to him about it will only further entrench his misogyny. Think about it what will your husband say 'cut down the bawdy jokes Bob it upsets Pearl' , the challenge should come from you

The OP should be telling the friend this, not her husband.

Friends are a reflection of ourselves anyway, so it'd probably fall on deaf ears if she said it to her DH.

Why is he round your house all the time? You aren’t his entertainment centre now that he’s no longer in a relationship. I’d tell him that he is overstaying his welcome and to move along.

I would have insisted he leave after the knicker drawer comment. He probably did it btw!

That would drive me mad.

I would have already said "well Dave with comments like that it's no wonder Linda left you. Keep it up and you'll be asked to leave here too".

If your DH sides with him, it's because he's far more like him than you think.

Can your husband move out?
I would get the ick for him because of the company he keeps.
I wouldn't be tolerating this.

Tell your husband to see him outside the house. No further discussion.

Have you children being exposed to him?
If so, completely unacceptable.

"I'm sorry but did you mean to make a woman feel so uncomfortable in her own house? If you have a problem with women that much, why do you feel the need to be in my company?"

If your DH pipes up in his defence, your response is
"Oh well, if you are offering to go with him, don't let the door slam on the way out".

Then switch off the TV and remove the remote control.

Because it’s uncomfortable and awkward, as far as I see it he’s DH’s best friend and he should be the one to tell him.

Yes, another reason I’m fed up. He commented on someone on TV letting themselves go in recent years - it hasn’t got any more inappropriate than that fortunately as I would struggle to bite my tounge.

Sorry I was meant to quote the question about have my DC met him

I don’t think what he’s saying is that bad (as long as it’s not in front of kids) it’s just a bit childish and so it’s more likely that you’re just annoyed with him always being there.

How often is he coming round?

I would compromise and limit how often he comes round. And when he does, you can do something in a different room so you don’t have to deal with him.

Tell your DH that he was one last chance to sort his mate out- or you will.

At least two nights in the week and usually once on a weekend (daytime) depending on the football schedule which him and DH usually watch. It hasn’t intruded into mine and DH’s weekend evenings at least.

The husband needs to move out? Get a grip.

NO

It's your home as much as your husband's.

YOU need to call him out no matter how uncomfortable it might feel.

Don't play into his stereotype of 'feeble' little woman.

He sounds like a vile, sleazy pig
Tell him yourself that his language is unacceptable in YOUR home.

The friend saying those things wouldn't bother me, the fact that my partner thought it was funny/appropriate/something to bounce off of with their own comments would bother me.

Best response. Take the piss out of him - if he gets huffy, tell him it’s only “banter”. You leave him with no comeback and he has to simmer down or look like the pranny he is.

Why start by saying, "I am sorry"? That is pathetic and completely unnecessary. She does not need to preface her statement by apologising. And "sorry" for what, anyway?

How can you just sit there and keep your mouth shut? And doesn't it make you seriously reconsider your DH for not saying anything and for not seeing it's a problem? It frustrates me so much how low so many women's bars are on MN.