Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

[PearlGold]

I would welcome some second opinions here, I’ve had a big row with my DH this afternoon.

-DH’s best friend split up with his partner a few weeks ago
-Said friend has been increasingly spending time at our house with DH - watching television, the odd drink on a weekend etc
-The past two weeks, he has started to make inappropriate comments about women and in general. Examples below:

DH and I needed to pop out leaving him in the house for about an hour, and he said ‘don’t worry, I won’t raid your knicker draw’ which had DH in stitches.

We were watching one of the soaps where there are two female characters who are romantically involved, and he casually said ‘it’s a shame they don’t show them getting the strapon’s out’, DH simply said ‘not before the watershed’.

Another character came on screen and he said something about not kicking her out of bed for farting, again really childish.

He is very bitter about women in general, and keeps slagging off his ex which is really awkward as we met as couples in the past and I got on with her.

I have told DH enough is enough and there must be other friends and family he can spend evenings with. DH says he is just being a friend and that he clearly doesn’t mean any offence by his comments.

I am seriously pissed off now and want my house back!

Honestly why would you not just speak up? Stop being a wet lettuce 🥬

Again again calling him out...lightheartedly & with a smile.

"Bit of projection going on there Dave?"

If it was me I would wreck his head with come backs to the point he wouldn't want to call over.

Tell him to shut the fuck up and piss off, I wouldn't tolerate any nonsense like that in my own home, no one should fgs.

Stop hiding behind you dh.

OP, why are you expecting your DH to sort this situation out, when you're the one who is bothered by it? Inviting him round, yes, tell DH not to, but expecting him to put him right about what he says, is down to you in my opinion.

Stop being a dickhead, Dave.

That's literally all you have to say, every time. You might also want to have a Come-To-Jesus conversation with your DH for sitting there like a bump on a log while his mate makes you feel uncomfortable.

”you know Dave, spending so much time with you lately has made me realise what a total prick you are”

and then turn to your DH “and what’s that saying, you can tell a lot about about someone by looking at the company they keep”

And then leave the room.

Even if he is your OH's best friend there is no reason why you should not speak up if you are not happy with anything he says.

Me too.

Yes this.

No wonder the partner left him if his behaviour is typical of how he was when they were together.

I think this is the best one - if he says 'it's just a joke' you can say 'yeah, it's not actually funny though, lay off'

I think you just need to be direct.
Just ask him if he is, indeed, still 12? (although that’s probably disrespectful to many 12 year olds) and tell him to foxtrot Oscar.
Sounds like his ex had a lucky escape.

Tell your DH to go to his house instead

Yes this. He’s making you feel awkward and uncomfortable so it’s time to turn the tables. Tell him in no uncertain terms that his attitude is not wanted in your own home. Stop being such a wet lettuce.

Snap lol. Honestly i thought the days of women sitting meekly while being offended by a (hopefully non-threatening) bloke were over! Speak up, use your voice, you don’t need to tip toe around him, he’s a twat, nothing and no one special.

I'm usually quite quick to be offended by misogyny but I'm not feeling that from those comments. If I was I'd tell him myself it wasn't acceptable in my home.

I don't think it's unreasonable not to want him (anyone) in your home all the time though. Where is he living, can't DH go there to keep him company?

Judge a man by the company he keeps.

Tell DH that you find his friends comments offensive and creepy and as his best friend, you are starting to see your DH in a different light now too as it clearly doesnt bother him. See if that hits home.

It’s too much imposing this person on you. Your husband doesn’t care about the impact on you, he’s just enjoying living a childish bachelor style life.
I’d get rid of both of them.

You are who you hang with. Your bloke could do with reminding of that I think.

I'd be saying something as well so the result would be banning him from the house.

The comments are not appropriate in someone else’s house in front of his friend’s wife. It’s crass and disrespectful. OP needs to speak up, I would have no problem saying something to him and I’m not a confrontational person but the days of me putting up with being offended so I don’t offend back are long gone.

Your DH is as bad as his friend. He isn’t saying anything because he doesn’t think his friend is doing anything wrong. This is presumably how he and his friend have always talked in private, because neither of them really respects women much.

I got into awful trouble once with everyone after I told BIL he wasn’t welcome in my home because of his gross jokes. Warned him a couple of times, he didn’t pay attention, I told him he wasn’t welcome. SIL called DH to complain. I told them all that if they all thought jokes like that were OK, they weren’t welcome either.

I give no fucks. Racism, sexism in my house, fuck off. Yes, OP’s partner should do this but if he won’t I would.

I think maybe it’s more that it’s part of a pattern that’s an issue. I have male friends who, if they made one of those comments in isolation, wouldn’t offend me at all, because we’re mates who occasionally make an off-colour joke to one another and I know they’re not misogynists in any way. But this is the DH’s friend, not the OP’s, and. when those remarks are relentless and happen every time you time you see someone, and are combined with a bitterness about women in general, then that paints a very different picture I think.

He sounds grim! You should not have him round yours all the time ,Reminds me of the"likely lads "where Terry is a pain in the ass to newly weds Blob and Thelma.I would simply say thats not funny,I would be having strong words with DH as well!