Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

[PearlGold]

I would welcome some second opinions here, I’ve had a big row with my DH this afternoon.

-DH’s best friend split up with his partner a few weeks ago
-Said friend has been increasingly spending time at our house with DH - watching television, the odd drink on a weekend etc
-The past two weeks, he has started to make inappropriate comments about women and in general. Examples below:

DH and I needed to pop out leaving him in the house for about an hour, and he said ‘don’t worry, I won’t raid your knicker draw’ which had DH in stitches.

We were watching one of the soaps where there are two female characters who are romantically involved, and he casually said ‘it’s a shame they don’t show them getting the strapon’s out’, DH simply said ‘not before the watershed’.

Another character came on screen and he said something about not kicking her out of bed for farting, again really childish.

He is very bitter about women in general, and keeps slagging off his ex which is really awkward as we met as couples in the past and I got on with her.

I have told DH enough is enough and there must be other friends and family he can spend evenings with. DH says he is just being a friend and that he clearly doesn’t mean any offence by his comments.

I am seriously pissed off now and want my house back!

I hope you’re ok @PearlGold . X

Oh my word I would be telling him myself! Out my house enough is enough!

It has come to the point where your “D”H can either support his disgusting friend or he can support you.

if he’s not going to make sure you’re comfortable in your own home, I’d make them uncomfortable. No snacks or drinks in the house for them. Plan a loud activity in the room with the kids. Can you lose the remote before the next visit?

Hi PearlGold, hope you're feeling ok today. I agree with PoppyTries and think you may need to disrupt the visits rather than argue with DH later after friend has left, as I think you get more upset by this and nothing changes. How are you at dirty looks? A former partner used to call me The Serpent to his mates and to me as he said I could kill a person at 20 paces with one look and one lash of my tongue. I wasn't at all offended, better they were forewarned. I was a bit more feisty then. I do understand the situation however, and it's not nice to be painted as the miserable one who can't take a joke. I 've had all that, but luckily i was able to respond with witty one liners - it doesn't mean I wasn't upset, I was just good at hiding it, as I wouldn't give anyone, especially a bully, the satisfaction of thinking they had hurt/bothered me. I waited until I was on my own to express any hurt/tears. I had blazing rows though later, but it didn't really solve things. Difference was FP's friends would turn up but never insult me or anything but they would be giggling like schoolkids and it was usually because the friend was trying secretly to get FP to go out - on a work night. If FP went out then when he returned home he would wake me up and then keep me awake all night with horrific snoring, talking and walking in his sleep and then he would not get up and go to work next day and I would be shattered and have a full days work to do, so I was not amused as it happened so many times and affected our income as he had loads of missed days at work. Some posters are suggesting you tell DH to go to the pub with his friend - depends on you, but personally I would never suggest that because as mentioned above, it can be more disruptive on you, it can become a habit, an expensive one, people who drink often say/do more aggressive or hurtful things than they would if sober as their filter seems to disappear and things can quickly escalate. My FP would have loved it if I told him to go to the pub, but as I mentioned, he was terrible in drink and really, really annoying and loud when he was drunk on any level. Only you know how your DH is in drink but please don't put yourself in any danger just to prove a point by telling him to get ot and go to the pub. I do not know if you have children, although a few posters have mentioned kids. The point is if you have you don't want the kids upset so you may be holding things back to spare them, but for some reason I don't think you have kids or they are not witness to the friend's behaviour, which is better for you and kids if you do have them. Stay safe and I hope you can resolve this soon.

I think I might know why he has split from his girlfriend, but I need to check with Sherlock Holmes first.....

It depends on how you used to get on with this man. I'd just call him out or make comments about blokes , what someone suggested before about talking to him if he's expecting to have another relationship. I think sometimes men forget where they are when they make stupid comments and as it's your home you have every right to tell him what you think

You are 100% right. His behaviour is perverted and harmful to all around him. Sickening. Time for action in a subtle and diplomatic and gradual manner. Evict him for ever if you can bring that about. Good luck.

DH isn't telling him off for one of two reasons:

1. He doesn't want to be unfriendly towards a friend who is having a difficult time.
2. He actually agrees with the friend and only hides his misogeny from you.

You don't have a friend problem, not really. You have a husband problem. He needs to man up and tell his friend off or send his friend packing. If not, you have your answer and that is he doesn't care about you or other women.

sorry wrong quote

I would not take offence, your DH is right, I'm another woman. I command and require respect from guys but I wouldn't have an issue with this.

Honestly, it’s your home. If he’s there too much, tell DH it’s time they both spent at Pervy Pant’s place so you can relax. If he chooses to spend on takeaway and alcohol while there, your argument won’t be minimised by you sharing it. I think you could do with space away from both of these idiots.

Haven't rtwt but it's immature comedy to your DH by his best mate.
I wouldn't find it offensive personally but everyone's different and I don't invalidate your feelings on this OP.

I would however be speaking my mind when these things happen so he knows he's crossing a line and I don't like it and if it keeps happening you'll have to stop coming round so much.

I don’t agree. How bad does it have to get? ‘ Joking’ about the OP’s knicker drawer, about women using strap-ons, all in front of OP in her house - that’s a low enough bar for me.

Yeah this

Throw him out and tell him not to come back. If the husband does not like it he can leave as well. You should not have to endure this in your own house. Your husband is being a selfish arsehole.

@ChaliceinWonderland has resurrected a pretty old thread!

Is this still a problem, OP? Hopefully he's not still sitting in your lounge making stupid comments 9 months later 😂

i presume you’re a grown woman, so I’m confused why you need your husband to speak for you! You don’t like his behaviour in your house, so you tell him! You’re condoning him by not saying anything!