DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

It is childish, yet I can see why it bothers you!

YABU

most men do post
WTF? Of course most men don't.

Beyond pathetic. I would be fuming if I was him - he’s been lovely and you’ve had a great day but frosty as he didn’t post “happy birthday” for your “friends” to see on Instagram / Facebook. Jeez poor bloke. I’d be running for the hills.

You have completely confused social media and real life.
I suggest you step right away from social media before you lose all grip on reality.

It's not 'really embarrassing' though is it. Shitting yourself in public is really embarrassing. Calling your friend's kid ugly in the group chat is really embarrassing.

'My boyfriend didn't tag me in a post' is not really embarrassing, unless you're 14.

It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with social media. Maybe delete insta for a while?

People who make a big splash on SM are often trying too hard. You got the real stuff, why do you care about pretend life in the internet?

'most men' do not post.

Most women don't either. This is the definition of a non-issue and the OP needs to give her head a serious wobble. It's absolutely ridiculous that she's ruined her own birthday over this. I despair.

I think your partner sounds really thoughtful… he’s given you a wonderful day for your birthday but all you seem worried about is how your life “looks” rather than how it actually is.…. You seriously need to grow up, you’re nearly 30 ffs 🤦‍♀️ a good start would be to apologise for your ridiculously immature behaviour.

Wow. I really hope this is a wind up post but if not then you genuinely need to get a grip.

You have given your attentive, caring partner, who made a real life effort, grief because he didn’t make a performative post for you to show off to your friends how loved you are. You are a massive red flag. I have second hand embarrassment for you.

But my point is surely that if you know something is important to your partner, you can compromise

What about you compromise by not expecting him to do that? And he'll compromise by not being bothered if you do?

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel "Would you really have been happier if he ditched the thoughtful things he planned to spend an hour doing something for social media?" You know what, I really think she would be happier. These immature, pathetic, needy, obsessive anti-social media users are incapable of living their life in the real world in any meaningful, appreciative way.
I must admit, I'm very pleasantly surprised that 99% of people on MN think @BrightLJ is being unreasonable. I honestly thought that society was beyond help and OP would get a lot more support, so I'm thrilled to know that there's still hope. @BrightLJ , on the other hand, had better hope their bf doesn't rethink their relationship after her ungrateful "frosty" performance.

Oh dear 😂

That’s really weird. Your friend is not a good one. By the way people always think that couples with a big social media presence are actually really unhappy and have to make up for their shit real lives with posts for attention.

YABVU. Ask yourself why it would 'mean a lot' to you to have him do this, and what that says about you.

God your poor DP. I’d be seriously rethinking the relationship if I were him.

Ridiculous childish behaviour from you.

OMG, you must be one of those people who take a photo of the screen in the cinema when the movie starts to post on their social media.

Maybe you're not on social media much because they absolutely do...

You make yourself more vulnerable to fraud, scams and identify theft by giving away your date of birth on social media. It's not a good thing to do.

I only know of two men who post things like that on social media, and it definitely feels very performative when they do.

I dont even understand what that post should have been about.

Why is it important to you? It means absolutely nothing, it's an empty gesture. He did a lovely birthday for you and you threw it back in his face. You'll be lucky if he's even around for the next one.

OP do you care about your DP or about how other people see your relationship?

‘Even one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday, and that’s really embarrassing.’

That really not what’s embarrassing about this situation, your ridiculous reaction is. If I was him I’d be running for the hills, because if you can’t see what a good thing you have here, then you clearly don’t deserve it. How on earth are you going to manage when something IMPORTANT happens? 🤦‍♀️

I'm not that much older than you OP. I only know one couple who do this and it is cringe. It makes me think they are both really insecure and care more about what others think of them than how they actually feel about each other.

I hope you have apologised to him for being grumpy.

Tbh if I were him this would be a massive red flag for me. I wouldn't want to share my life with soneone so shallow.