DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

What's "really embarrassing" is that your friend messaged you on that basis. Seriously, you need to grow up.

No, some men you know on SM do. That's not, by any stretch of the imagination, 'most men'.

And fwiw, I used to have FB, IG, twitter etc. I don't anymore because it's vapid, brain-melting shite. But even when I did, the idea that I'd be in any way upset if dh didn't post about my birthday is just absolutely fucking laughable.

Pretty sure this must be a joke/fake post, but just in case - this is absolutely not something I would compromise on, no matter how much I love my partner! These posts are so cringy, unnecessary and quite embarrassing.

I wouldn’t worry I imagine you’re soon be his ex girlfriend for acting like a silly teenager.

I'm with your Dh tbh.

Personally, I hate that kind of performative affection. Say it to the person, not to everyone else. I think you should get over it.

So most men that you know, who are on social media, and have OHs, and who care about such bullshit things... post.
NOT most men!

It depends on what that "important" thing is. I think you need to get a grip and so do your friends. I have never once thought about someone's partner not acknowledging something on socials.
It sounds like you had a good birthday and he treated you well so have a good think about why you are so needy of public declarations and work on that insecurity, otherwise you might end up losing what reads like a good guy. Maybe a therapist could help.

So much needless drama. Grow up.

YBVVU!
Can't believe you ruined what sounds like a lovely day over this. 100% agree with your boyfriend's reasoning and actually I find those birthday declarations cringe especially when you've celebrated in person.

This is bollocks, no way did your friend call
you on your birthday to ask why your boyfriend hadn’t posted some stupid ‘happy
birthday to my wonderful girl, love you to the moon and back”

I’d expect to be single soon.

It seems you live in a very specific bubble, if you consider it a minimal standard and your friend actively notices he didn't post for you.

It's ultimately your choice - you might consider your bubble's culture and your partner's compliance with it so important for you that you add being "a social media type with posting habits compatible with your friends" on your requirements list.

Or, you can understand that some people consider it weird and cringe. There is still a chance he will understand how important it is for you and find a way he would be comfortable with doing it, but I wouldn't expect him to change his position within a few hours.

Good for him - he sounds great.

Sorry but you’re being pathetic. So sad that people live for social media these days, which often isn’t a true reflection of people or their lives. I had a friend who was in a very unhappy marriage but posted gushing messages on their wedding anniversary. They’re now divorced. He treated you well on your birthday and YOU spoiled it with your teenage attitude to not being made a fuss of publicly.

If I were him I'd be seriously rethinking my relationship with you. I'm not a SM person either and the idea that someone I'd planned a lovely birthday for would go 'frosty' because I refused to post some big public thing just so they could show off to their mates, would be massively off putting. I'd have cringed when you did it for me, especially after a few months together, and worried about our compatibility, and this would confirm my fears. I'm not saying you're wrong to love your 'socials' but you should respect that others don't and not force it on them.

Well at least you enjoyed most of this birthday with him, it’s unlikely you’ll have another together.

He did it in person. In real life.
Not in fake insta land.
Grow up

message for the OP's partner: Run. Now.

I'd actually delete this post. If I saw this post by my partner it would be the last birthday we were together.
How petty. I have always thought posts by people who see each other on their birthdays or live together wishing their partner a happy birthday so ridiculous.
Up to you if you do one but don't expect others to and if you're going to get all upset about it then let that poor person go and find someone who rates relationships based on social media posts.

You are worrying more about how your relationship looks to other people than how it actually is… that’s not healthy. Neither is the childish sulking when he wouldn’t do what you wanted. This is very immature behaviour for someone in their late twenties.

He’s right to stand his ground, poor guy. You’re effectively saying you care more about a performative social media post than the genuine effort he has put in.

So given that you know he's not that type of person and doesn't post much on SM, why did you post the, presumably to him, utterly mortifying insta thing? It's like you want to do it your way and you want him to do it your way.

Why not recognise what he did and appreciate it rather than trying to turn him in to a clone?

Urgh, my husband always posts some soppy crap on Facebook on my birthday, I hate it, I don’t acknowledge it, say it to my face. I don’t respond to that sort of thing. Either tell me or don’t bother, I don’t care. I will not be responding in kind.

Hopefully you’re 16 and just being a teenager…

Is this a frickin' joke?

Of course most men don't, especially not in an established relationship.

Unless they're dating someone like the OP, who gets all bent out of shape about it.

And thankfully that descriptor doesn't fit most men.