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Original poster

DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

1000 replies

BrightLJ · 19/03/2025 16:26

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

OP posts:
KhakiOrca · 19/03/2025 17:04

BrightLJ · 19/03/2025 17:00

I am really grateful for the day I had, and I know not everyone is big on socials. But my point is surely that if you know something is important to your partner, you can compromise sometimes?

Even one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday, and that’s really embarrassing.

😆

2025willbemytime · 19/03/2025 17:04

Grow the fuck up. Why do you care what strangers think of your boyfriend's birthday wishes to you? Why do you care that your friends see what he's posted?

You were frosty after he did all that? Good luck with getting anything next year. Why not focus on what you did get and stop having a tantrum about what you didn't.

whitejeanss · 19/03/2025 17:04

I think you should examine your life quite seriously OP.

outerspacepotato · 19/03/2025 17:04

Maybe he thinks it's better to show his gf appreciation in person than performative posting that only supports a shitty fascist billionaire.

Validation comes from within, not without.

BrightLightTonight · 19/03/2025 17:04

How old are you - 6?

Nanny0gg · 19/03/2025 17:06

BrightLJ · 19/03/2025 16:34

We’re both late 20’s and all my friends would post on their partners’ birthdays and vice versa.

He doesn’t post much but I thought given how much I said it would mean to me, he’d have done this as a one off..

You sure that's how old you are?

He made a real life effort for you and you complain about SM?

Are things only important if you can show off to the world?

Pancakeorcrepe · 19/03/2025 17:06

Gosh, you and the friend that messaged you sound absolutely ridiculous. I would run for the hills if I were your partner.
Also you have been together for just a year and don’t live together, he is a boyfriend and not a partner.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 19/03/2025 17:06

Would you really have been happier if he ditched the thoughtful things he planned to spend an hour doing something for social media?

He showed you how much he cares in person, and you've invalidated that because there isn't a record of it on social media.

Why does it mean so much to you to have it online?

Butchyrestingface · 19/03/2025 17:06

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

He sounds semi-sensible. I was going to say I'll take him off your hands if you don't want him but I see you're only in your late 20s so I suspect I'd be something of a niche taste for someone his age.

Cerealkiller9000 · 19/03/2025 17:07

BrightLJ · 19/03/2025 16:26

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Eh? Really?

is this really a thing??? I mean apart from Mumsnet I don’t have any other form of social media. I find it soul suckingly boring and vapid……and a form of I guess….showing everyone how wonderful their lives are (and literally 98% of them aren’t).

but people really think this is important? Isn’t it not important that the people closest to you know and appreciate it?

I mean your whole birthday went to pot a little due to social media….

Oioisavaloy27 · 19/03/2025 17:07

A friend messaged you to ask why your partner had not acknowledged your birthday on social media??? I find that really hard to believe.

BotterMon · 19/03/2025 17:07

Oh do grow up.

Billben · 19/03/2025 17:07

Sweet Lord OP, anybody in their right mind would be too embarrassed to put up a post like this 😂
Your poor other half having to deal with someone with such low self-confidence

RaspberryCloud · 19/03/2025 17:07

Gnarab24 · 19/03/2025 16:29

So, in real life your partner was considerate, thoughtful and made the day really special and you reciprocated by being frosty cause he didn’t make a fuss in pretend land? You’re bonkers and I’d be raging if I was your partner at how shallow you are.

Beat me to it - exactly this. You ruined an actual birthday celebration because of a ‘pretend’ one? Honestly if I were him I would be reconsidering ….

Nanny0gg · 19/03/2025 17:07

BrightLJ · 19/03/2025 17:00

I am really grateful for the day I had, and I know not everyone is big on socials. But my point is surely that if you know something is important to your partner, you can compromise sometimes?

Even one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday, and that’s really embarrassing.

You upset him so much over it that he went home

How important is he as a person to you?

By the sounds of it not much

No wonder he's a bit frosty

Ilikeblack · 19/03/2025 17:08

Social media performance does not make a relationship….

Toolatetoasknow · 19/03/2025 17:08

Oh, the pointlessness of you.

thankyounextplease · 19/03/2025 17:08

My partner is exactly the same, always has been, and we've been together nearly 20 years - and he asked me out on Facebook originally!

It doesn't bother me.

The only men who post shit like that on Facebook are on the rocks in their relationships or brow beaten into it by their partners and aren't doing it themselves. Or are in gay relationships, but I don't think many of the gays even do it these days.

EasterIssland · 19/03/2025 17:08

I’d be hurt if I went above and beyond for my partners bday and everything they cared about is a post of social media to proof to others that I love my partner. If you care about showing your love to others then this is not ideal partner

JANEY205 · 19/03/2025 17:08

You sound like a complete arse. Your friend noticing your DP didn’t post is very fucking weird and you not saying well he gave me an amazing day and then getting on with your life makes you as pathetic as your friend. This is not normal.

CheekyHobson · 19/03/2025 17:08

Even one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday, and that’s really embarrassing.

If one of my friends rang me to ask if everything was okay because my partner didn't post on social media about my birthday, I would think she needed to get a life. And I am a regular social media user / work in a social media-adjacent job.

It might be an ingrained characteristic of your friend group but it honestly seems quite childish to make a big deal out of it. I have a handful of friends who do it (don't think their husbands ever return it) and that's all very nice and I'll like the posts, but it has never occurred to me that it's some kind of expectation or marker of the health of a relationship.

Nanny0gg · 19/03/2025 17:08

2025willbemytime · 19/03/2025 17:04

Grow the fuck up. Why do you care what strangers think of your boyfriend's birthday wishes to you? Why do you care that your friends see what he's posted?

You were frosty after he did all that? Good luck with getting anything next year. Why not focus on what you did get and stop having a tantrum about what you didn't.

She'll be lucky if he's still around next year.

He needs to find someone who'll appreciate him

fromthevault · 19/03/2025 17:09

My god.

Actual adults don't give a shit about stuff like this, OP.

He should run for the hills.

thankyounextplease · 19/03/2025 17:09

"Even one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday, and that’s really embarrassing."

Stop lying, there can't be two of you like this 😂😂😂

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 19/03/2025 17:10

Ilikeblack · 19/03/2025 17:08

Social media performance does not make a relationship….

Very true, back when I was on social media the most loving couples I know didn't post a lot, the ones who were arguing and fighting and having affairs and being abusive all had selfies and declarations of love and ott memes, tagging each other in massive posts about love etc.

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