DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Delete it to avoid the hassle? Stroppy, childish, and weird.

Do you wish dead relatives happy heavenly birthdays too? What about children?
Its so vacuous.

Shallow or what? Would you like him to put on social media if you split up?

Yes!

Oh dear - where to start?
I know….. please grow up fast or you’ll lose him for sure. He should be running for the hills.
I’m trying very hard to be kind and not to type what I really want to say.

I did lots of things on SM in the past that I don't and won't do now. Lots of us are just over it. I haven't posted anything at all on my own timeline in over 2 years. I just decided one day that I didn't want to do that any more and I am happier for it. It's certainly no reflection on the way I feel about my DH or my DC if I might once have made a gushy post with photos for their birthday and I don't any longer. You need to stop seeing this as a personal slight against you. It's absolutely nothing to do with that.

Ok so I see your point re he did it for his ex this is the only thing that would make me feel a bit shit. But your over focusing on it too much, I find it strange your friends would ask you why he hadn’t posted if he doesn’t post a lot in general, I can’t think I’ve ever noticed if any of my friends partners posted about them on social media on their birthday. So please don’t think everyone is thinking that or thinking that he doesn’t love you. Some people genuinely just doesn’t feel the need to put something on Facebook. I used to post for my boyfriend’s birthdays and he never did but he also never posts or really engages in I much anyways but I just accept that’s how he is now. To be honest I rarely post him either now I’ve kind of just phased out of it myself. If he made an effort in person and you had a lovely day then please don’t let this ruin it. I’m so sad that we as a society need online acknowledgment and validation now and that it spoils our day when we don’t get it (speaking as someone who also is guilty of this so not having a go) honestly tho please don’t give this anymore air time. Try and sort things with your partner and make amends and focus on the positives of the day. X

Right I am just going to say it , this man you have been seeing for a year who you don't live with, he is actually single isn't he ? You have met his parents/siblings/friends ? Stayed at each other's places ?
Those are the two scenario's in my head , 1. you are batshit and 2. he isn't single.

Your just not getting it are you @BrightLJ , as all pp ( a rare thing on mn ) have said, your boyfriend took you out , bought you thoughtful gift (s) and you had a really nice day . And yet here you are complaining .
When your friend asked if everything was ok why on earth did you not tell them you had a great day?

I also think the fact that you are talking about his ex and what he did then shows you why he doesn't want to post anything in case future girlfriends use it to compare how he treats them too.

Next year if he just post on sm and does nothing else you only have yourself to blame.

The more you type the worse you come across op

It’s not an age thing. It’s a vapid thing. You’re coming across badly
Socials have the significance you confer them. you’ve disproportionately bigged this up
Fortunately he has more sense than you and doesn’t give a shit (so it is not a universal must do thing)

I am probably a dinosaur here, but to me social media really doesn’t have anything to do with your actual relationship, it’s more about what it presents to those outside of the relationship. You want to feel he is proud of you being together etc but doesn’t that come through on the day to day? What does it matter if others see pics or not? That sounds like you want others to know that he is proud of the relationship rather than you? As I say, maybe I’m a bit old fashioned but you can make choices about how much social media is imoortant to you and your relationship, it isn’t a given. Anyway, I hope things work out for you both x

Thing is, my DH did things for/with his exes he hasn't for/with me. He used to do things for/with me he doesn't now. He's done things for/with me he hasn't for exes.

If you get hung up on what happened in a last relationship, you won't appreciate the present relationship and it will soon be a past one.

Exes are ex for a reason. Doing it differently to something that didn't work out is a good thing.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

All of this. I'd probably also consider if staying was worth the silliness.

Don't latch onto that poster. They are not known for their rational views. Quite the opposite.

Sounds like he is more mature than you and ready for an adult relationship instead of an insta-life. Set him free and find someone more on your wavelength.

Ok this is definitely a windup

If DH posted some lovely dovey shit on Facebook about me I'd be fuming. We're not 12, it's embarrassing.

Even one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday, and that’s really embarrassing.

Nah, I'd definitely run in his shoes. All you had to do was tell your friend that you had a good day with him. Jesus, that's embarrassing.

But there’s certain standards we can demand from our men and I won’t apologise for that.

You're not actually serious, right? Come on. He could have written all sorts of soppy shite and not actually done anything, and it sounds like you would have been happier.

He needs to find someone else. That's ridiculous.

Yes it is, but it's the focus you are putting on that one thing. It's like if he bought a car and you were upset he didn't include furry dice. It's having a big lovely cake and complaining about the lack of a cherry.

The compromise isn't his to make, here. It really isn't. It's a massive insult to what he HAS done that this level of focus is on the thing he hasn't done, isn't it?

Basically, how you look, and how things look to your friends matters more to you than this man’s feelings, and the effort he put into your birthday. He deserves better.

That sums it up.

I don't think I've ever read such a vapid string of posts as OP's.

Where is red flag guy when you need him?

It's not even embarrassing. The answer is "he doesn't do socials". End of conversation. No embarrassment necessary.

You’re acting like you’re in your mid teens and everyone on here is ancient.

Social media is not part of relationships.

I am a similar age to you and I would have said the exact same thing as your DP.
Its pathetic.

And your replies are very telling - your colleagues and friends agree with you because they don’t want to invalidate your feelings and don’t want to go against you.
The posters on here who don’t agree with you aren’t doing it because they’re much older than you, they’re doing it because that’s their opinion.

Are you ever in the wrong?
Why can’t you see that you are being unreasonable, even though your DP and many posters disagree with you.

Yes.

I think all the public displays on social media are quite awful, frankly.

one of my best friends messaged me last night to ask if everything was okay as DP hadnt acknowledged my birthday,

Between her and the egregious shit stirrer who told you that he posted for his ex's birthday, you have some really terrible 'friends'.