DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Christ... demanding certain standards? Your partner has done the important stuff. That's what matters. I feel sorry for the poor lad.

The comedian Kevin Bridges talks about this. "Whoring oot yer deid relatives for likes" as he puts it.

This sums it up perfectly

There are lots of people your age dumping social media altogether, people who grew up with it and recognise the shallowness and the harmful aspects of it. I almost think it’s more strange to know a large group of 24 year olds who without exception think he should post on it for your birthday.

The thing is relationships are whatever you want them to be - it doesn’t matter what everyone else does or doesn’t do it is about yours as a partnership and what works for the both of you and you alone.

So if this is a standard you want and he doesn’t then whst are you doing to do

or If he does do it and then it builds resentment because he didn’t want to and it isn’t him

Isn't your problem that you cannot in fact demand it? Or you can, but you don't seem to have got very far.

This is all a bit 2017, right up with hashtag-blessed and flat lays of a matcha latte and the latest Dolly Alderton book. I haven't seen anyone posting their significant other for a while. It's just charity fundraisers and work stuff these days.

I wonder if you need to have a bit of a think about the role of social media in your life. Why do you need to seek validation from other people’s interaction with you on Facebook? Enjoy your real life and remember that the good times don’t always need to be shared.

But there’s certain standards we can demand from our men and I won’t apologise for that.

Don't dress this up as 'standards'. It's actually the complete opposite of a standard. You value all the wrong things.

You are not a trophy! . I feel sorry for you that you have a need to be seen as one .

My kids are you’re age - both of them grew out of social
media a while
back.

I think your boyfriend planned a lovely day, and you are trying to force him to do something f he doesn’t want to do.

You are being ridiculous! You have a partner who made your birthday special, which many people don't have, and you can't be happy with that, you need a social media post I pity your poor DP for having such an immature partner. I couldn't be bothered with someone so obsessed with SM and wanting a 'performance' over something like this.

Blimey.

I am staggered that people are placing so much importance on social media versus real life. You really plan to demand that he ups his SM game? It is that important to you, over and above who he is as a person?

no-one I know, or their adult dc, behaves like this.

It appears he put thought and effort into your birthday in a big way. He has validated you and your birthday. Sounds like a decent individual. Forcing him to put a post on social comes across as wanting validation from the online " friends" community and a touch of self absorption

Yes YABVU. Come on.....why does he need to post it? Whatever happened to enjoying the moment? He sounds like a lovely, genuine bloke who doesn't live his life through a social media filter....

I do hope he does have certain standards . The main one would be not dating someone incredibly shallow.

Not everyone lives their life on social media. Good on him for standing his ground on this. Hopefully he'll realise you both have different levels of maturity, and call it day. You sound tiring

This is all hugely embarrassing to read. I suggest you read your own posts back and maybe grow up a little bit.

Genuinely, I cannot understand why you care

Maybe he has grown up since then.

Excuse me, we're not dinosaurs. I have and nieces/nephews your age (my kids are younger) and they would cringe so hard if their partners put up one of those fake gushing birthday posts. Just admit that you want attention by any means.

You are insane. He went to an effort for you, appreciate it. If you want to gush about it on social media post it yourself.

How very egocentric of you, wanting a big announcement
It’s shallow and vapid to want birthday announcement on SM
No wonder he did diddly squat. It is vapid and you had the front to dig him up about it

You said he made the day really special but you have the hump because he didn’t post on social media. How ridiculous. Are you 12?

I am actually thinking that this must be a joke now.

99% of people think you are being unreasonable and, rather than suck it up and just apologise to a perfectly decent man, you are still trying to defend your behaviour.

This can’t be for real.

If it is, then you have asked for advice, it has been given. Do try to take it onboard.