DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Exactly, we went to an Indian restaurant for his birthday dinner which I am not the biggest fan of but was happy to compromise because I know it’s his favourite food x

Yes, because friends and colleagues are bound to tell you the truth, aren't they? Either they're as vacuous as you, or they're humouring you whilst voicing, in private, the same views as the 99% on here.
And what on earth makes you think your bf is going to "stew" tonight? Maybe he's planning his exit strategy having been treated to your ungrateful "frosty" behaviour in return for all the effort he went to ensuring you had a lovely birthday. There are plenty of kind, appreciative women out there he'd be better suited to.

For the love of God don't let him stew! For all you know, he got really burned by his ex and is embarrassed that he ever posted about her on social media. If he really likes you, he may not want to make the same mistake again and is being protective about the relationship. So if you go in all guns blazing, it's going to raise red flags with him and you'll put a cloud over ruin what sounds like a good thing.

Just because it's not on IG doesn't mean he doesn't care! Letting him stew is ridiculously immature.

But you are asking him to be someone you want him to be not who he is to fit your idea of what a partner is and should do.

why do you need it to be posted that is key and letting him stew about how upset you are isn’t healthy either

If anything, you should be apologising to him.

You really are coming across as quite unpleasantly manipulative.

I always wonder why people feel the need to wish their partner a happy birthday and confess they undying love on social media, just tell them! Another one why on earth do people post on FB etc sending messages beyond the grave to tell a loved one they miss them....'oh dad it's been 5 years, I really miss you, love you...' He isn't reading Facebook is he!

I could only understand why you would feel a bit put out by this if he was some kind of influencer who put his every moment online.

is he actively posting everything going on in his day on there?

I think your being a little petty sorry, if my dp posted me on his grid for my bday id ask him to take it off

Well in that case you arent compatible. Shame that you value social media above everything.

Maybe he felt he got burned before from posting about a girlfriend. She is his ex for a reason.

Maybe he feels your relationship is special and just between you two, not for the entertainment of other people.

Maybe his views on social media have just generally changed since his previous relationship.

Having done all my dating before social media existed I admit my perspective is very different to someone who grew up with it. But it does very much have the feel of living your life as a performance. Why do you need everyone else to see him making a fuss of you on your birthday? He clearly did make a fuss of you on your birthday. There’s no need to make a big public display about it. Don’t prioritise form over substance. It doesn’t matter what your relationship looks like to others on the internet. It matters what your relationship is actually like in real life.

So it is not about what he does but what he is seen to do for other people? It is not about being kind and thoughtful but looking it. You know a lot of people curating the perfect couple narrative on social media are in a shitty relationship in reality but as long as everyone thinks they are loved up - is that better?

Right, so are you willing to accept that he doesn't want you to post on his birthday? Will you stop for him????

i doubt you love him.

He’s just a prop to your social media.

Exactly!

Is he stewing? Has he messaged you and you haven't bothered replying. He got you thoughtful presents, he took you somewhere you have wanted to go for a long time, and you got so frosty he went home. Now you are giving him the cold shoulder. You sound like a spoiled brat. If you posting this from his pov it would be a fairly unanimous ltb

He can keep it and not use it if he wants. It’s not up to you to dictate his usage.

I had an ex who would post about me every day, check what I was posting, do romantic gestures so they would make stories, showered me attention, made sure everyone knew we were dating etc.
He was cheating on me and was a narcissistic chap using those romantic gestures to reel more women in.
I've been with my husband for 11 years and he hasn't even changed his Facebook status. I post about him and the kids but not often. He doesn't like social media exposure but he is attentive to me in person. It was like whiplash after my previous experience so I get where you're coming from about how you're feeling but think about the direct more intimate attention you're getting and ask if it's worth losing?

Maybe his ex made him do it and that’s part of why they split up?

Either way… he isn’t with her - he is with you, and choosing to have a lovely day with you in real life rather than posting images on social media.

Relationships aren’t an instastory. When you die you won’t regret not posting an instastory. Live your life. Don’t try to prove it’s been lived.

Why can't you understand that declaring a "happy birthday darling" on sm is just for show! It doesn't mean anything. Why does the whole world need to know how much your dp cherishes you, isn't it enough that one person knows it, that being you?

That.

I have a friend who did this performative stuff. He'd make soppy posts 'to' his wife on social media while she was sitting on the sofa next to him. It was bizarre, attention seeking and kind of boastful.

Apparently they're now splitting up. This stuff means nothing. Actually making an effort in real life is what counts.

Certainly seems that way. Very vacuous.

I’m amazed at how shallow you are. Hope he’s running for the hills!

@BrightLJ

means people don’t think he is ignoring my existence despite being in a year long relationship

This jumped out at me. Are you worried other girls will think he's single? And go after him? And he'll go off with them?

Or do you just want to rub your "happiness" in people's faces?

How dare you treat him like that. He needs to dump you asap. It's actually you who owes him a massive apology. I see you're conveniently ignoring all the posters on here in the same age group as you who are telling you you're being totally unreasonable. You sound shallow as fuck.

Either of my sisters could have posted something like this. In reality their relationships are a disaster.

If you carry on nagging him you can update your status to "@BrightLJ is Single".

Stop being pathetic.

OP I really want to thank you for giving me a great laugh.

Mother of fucking god. Please get off social media. I absolutely wholeheartedly heartedly promise you that in a few years it will mean NOTHING to you.

No I trust him completely, just thought he would be proud to show me/us off like others have in the past.