DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

The lazy hacks at the daily mail will be jumping with glee when they see this one.

Of course they said that to your face! Your work colleagues are hardly going to tell you that you're being batshit crazy, and your friends sound as social media obsessed as you!

I DO NOT put my friends and family on social media. Nobody I truly care about and actually spend time with would feature on my social media.

People are really different and this kind of thing isn’t normal for many of us. If my partner specifically asked me to post personal things on social featuring him, and pestered me repeatedly, I’d probably question the relationship. If they posted about me, I’d be upset also, even though I accept it’s a thing for some people.

If you’re with someone in person all day, surely that means a whole lot more than putting some pics online? On another note if I’m with someone in person I’d expect them to not be on their phone.

I’m 35 for context

Let him stew?
I hope he comes to his senses and finds someone with better values.

They may well have told you what you wanted to hear to your face and privately thought something very different.

I wouldn't be letting him stew. I would be apologising for behaving like a twit before he comes to his senses and decides he can do better.

Does your partner even use social media much in general?

If he doesn’t then the post would look a bit weird I.e look like he’s been forced into it! You don’t want that anyway surely?!

But people's social media use changes a lot and rapidly as a result of time and changing conventions, and is not a result of what relationship they are in.

Your behaviour sounds exhausting, tedious and controlling.

I don't actually think your partner should indulge nonsense because "it's important to you" - you need to learn to pick your battles (and be less shallow if this really is the most important thing).

And you then saying haha then he should delete his account haha joking (really not joking) only makes it worse.

Bet all his friends are secretly wishing he'd run for the hills.

I've only ever seen those types of social media posts from deeply insecure couples.

What will happen is he'll do one to shut her up and then she'll worry that he doesn't actually mean what he said.

You're going to let him stew because YOU'RE being a child?

Poor guy. I'd advise him to run for the hills.

Sorry but I think you are being childish.

Maybe he’s grown up a bit. Try it sometime.

I was hoping this was a very obvious reverse.
i wish people would stop insulting teenagers though - my 15 year old would run a mile at this!
your comment about leaving him to stew is equally childish- stop playing stupid games.

social media isn’t real and you seem to value it more than real life to such a degree that you are prepared to destroy your real life relationship for it.

OP, I agree with previous posters who say you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time on here. I totally get it.

Think about why this is important to you - are you falling into the comparison trap? Do you feel you have a healthy relationship with your social feed? Everyone is different (love languages, etc), but I’d say it’s always best to go for real over reels any day 😘

You’ll probably be single soon…at least he won’t have to delete the post

People are being quite cruel and rude to you on this thread - I’m sorry.
A social media post is important to you — it isn’t important to your beau.
But it’s your birthday and in the spirit of that, he could have at least wished you happy birthday online knowing how much it meant to you - on your special day.
Just like you will leave your comfort zone and do whatever it is that makes him feel special on his birthday.
Amirite?

The fact that you’re willing and seem keen to let him stew on this is a sure fire way to lose this relationship.

All your friends and their men sound cringey and childish as fuck though.

People who obsess with social media and keeping up appearances living life through a screen - are genuinely more unhappy. Hence you being “pissed off” about it.

I couldn’t imagine being pissed off with partner who went to the effort of buying me nice birthday gifts and took me out for a nice meal.

Maybe seek some therapy.

They were being nice because you were upset and who's going to want to disagree with/criticise an upset birthday girl?

I don't know a single person who'd honestly think you were reasonable.

Maybe he's just grown up in the last few years and doesn't feel the need to live through social media?!

Stop performing your relationship for the approval or envy of others.

DP and I have been together for decades and still adore each other. You wouldn’t know we even know each other from our social media. You are being extremely juvenile.

You want a grown man to ‘stew’ because of your dissatisfaction at him not doing a slobbery birthday post on SM? He’s probably at home thinking he’s had a lucky escape and enjoying the peace.

If he doesn't want to do it and you do, how will a compromise work?
You can't half post something

Thanks hun, I just think a one off post is really not much to ask from someone you love x

Why can't you understand that declaring a "happy birthday darling" on sm is just for show! It doesn't mean anything. Why does the whole world need to know how much your dp cherishes you, isn't it enough that one person knows it, that being you?

It's so cringeworthy and sad when grown up people act like teenagers. Ok, I'm 45 and don't have social media so I'm a dinosaur. Let him stew, treat him like shit for celebrating your birthday in privacy and not going all Meghan Markle telling the whole world what a great guy he is. I hope he meets someone authentic who value real life instead of virtual gratification.

He's probably enjoying the peace!

Just imagine an alternative post
Hi everyone my boyfriend did nothing for my birthday yesterday. Didn't take me out. No flowers. No card. No meal out. Hr posted it on social media though so that everyone will think he's lovely and romantic.