DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Of all the things I’m grateful for, growing up without the internet has to be right up there

Men capable of posting on social media?! Honestly I would run for the hills if I met a man that wanted to do this. It means absolutely nothing in terms of the value of your relationship. If your friends are measuring your life this way, please get new friends.

As someone who is very much not a fan of posts like that, I would be tremendously fucked off with my partner if I were to get even the slightest whiff that they were unhappy I hadn't shown myself up by doing one. Especially if I'd made a real effort to give them a lovely day.

Also, this thread is clearly going to end up in the Mail, Mirror or similar.

Everyone I’ve spoken about this to today, friends/colleagues understand my point of view. I think I’ll let DP stew a bit for tonight and then draw a line under it 😂

And a shedload of people on here have told you otherwise.

Why ask us if you're just going to value what your small number of friends says?

But continuing to plough this utterly destructive furrow is very likely to wreck your relationship. Is that what you want?

I think you need to grow up a bit. I find social media posts about other half’s birthdays a bit cringy, it’s all a daft performance for “likes”. Say it in person, nobody else needs to hear or see it.

I don't think you will have a problem next year, I assume by then he will have matured another year and you will still be living like a 15 year old. I hope he finds someone who is on his level....sorry 🤭

Great, wasn't it?!

As he has matured he probably realises that posts are there to read for ever and regrets posting anything about his relationships in the past . When you mature a bit, and gain some self confidence, you will realise the basis of a good relationship is not what a partner posts for the outside world to see but what they do for you when you are together . .

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

@BrightLJ I don't think it is, but it seems it is for you. Does that mean that unless he submits to your demands, you no longer see a future for your relationship ?
Could it be that he is in a job where this sort of faux # bollocks would be seen as detrimental to his career ?
Could it be that he has matured in the 2/3 years since going out with his last girlfriend and he was a bit embarrassed about the stuff he felt he had to post and has decided that what is important is real life ?

Batshit. Hope he dumps you, poor guy.

That would be one explanation for them having said what you wanted to hear, aye. Others are available.

Seriously? I just turned 30 and the only people I know who still post on social media are in their 50s onwards, other than possibly instagram stories. Posting is cringey enough let alone the kind of post you are expecting him to make!

Did you ask opinions from schoolgirls? They’re literally the only age group that would give a shit about this nonsense

Do you have colleagues or classmates ?

He won't be stewing.

My DH doesn't do social media posts like that. Never had, doesn't see the point. His brother once threw a fit cos he didn't wish his wife (SIL, not me) happy birthday on FB. He said "not doing it" and promptly forgot.

If social media isn't important to him (and it shouldn't be, it's just a photo online with some words that everyone will forget in 10 minutes), you've said "please do this", he's said "no" and then it's gone from his mind.

Have a think about your priorities. Do you want a man who shows you he loves you in real life? Or is social media happiness really a thing you want to cause a problem between you over?

If it's that important to you, LTB and let him find someone who appreciates him IRL.

OP you seem very VERY concerned and influenced by how other people see your relationship.

You’ve mentioned your friend who noticed he didn’t post and a colleague who talked about how he used to post when he was with his ex. If you are confident in your relationship and feel he treats you well and with respect then you should politely tell your friends to fuck off.

I’m now married with children but I used to post a lot about my previous relationship and cringe looking back.

i now stick to social media posts about my dog and am much happier using it in this way. It sounds like your boyfriend has had a similar realisation

I would much rather have the effort he put in actually rather than caring about virtual shite.
Behave and apologise to him for being a dick

Sadly, very sadly, all this proves is that you have a lot of shallow, vapid people in your life.

I’d be dumping you if I were him. People are allowed to move away from socials. In fact, I find the older and more mature you get - you naturally move away from it. You live in the moment and don’t care about a big show online. Sounds to me like he’s just grown out of it. If I made a huge effort then had someone sulk as I hadn’t posted online, whilst moaning I did it years ago with an ex and then making me stew and telling me to delete - I’d be off. So many controlling and immature red flags and not from him.

But people change their minds about social media. I deleted all my accounts. I couldn't be assed with it.

You can't take it as an indication of anything. What you have in real life, together, privately - that's where he needs to be scored.

This can’t be a real thread. Surely no adult is this vacuous and shallow

Are you 14? Even then I’d say you’re not being unreasonable but actually ridiculous 🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh dear.

The more you post the more red flags appear 🚩

Everybody you haven’t spoken to today thinks you are being unreasonable.

Have you looked at the poll results?