DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

This is the most pathetic thread I’ve ever read on here.

You’re embarrassed because your friends can see that your DP hasn’t posted on your social media?!
Are you actually serious!

There’s no way you are as old as you say you are.

Your poor DP.
Perhaps next year (if he’s still with you) he should not make any effort for your birthday and instead just wish you happy birthday on social media instead to impress your friends and followers.

You're going to tell him to delete his Instagram if he doesn't start making public declarations? Fucking hell 😳.

I hope the poor man is ending this controlling spectacle of a relationship 😒.

He spent the day with you so no need to post on sm. What is the point of it. You sound very ungrateful that you felt hurt. How do you think he felt? Doubt you'll have another birthday together. Sm is so fake and unnecessary.

What people? Why do you even care what other people think about?

The more you post the more shallow you seem, are you really saying that despite all the nice actual things he did for you it's not enough because he didn't do a stupid social media

How dare you suggest he closes his SM accounts so your equally shallow friends won't comment upon how lack of posts, can you not see that's controlling?

But my point is surely that if you know something is important to your partner, you can compromise sometimes?

This is not one of those things. Some people don’t like drawing attention to themselves on social media/ online. Thats totally understandable. It’s about privacy and boundaries- it’s not the least bit reasonable to ask someone to compromise on those.

I think you are being really very shallow OP. Your relationship shouldn’t be about attention seeking and validation/ performance for others on social media.

Seriously ??? You were with him all day and he made a big fuss of you - selfish behaviour on your part and I imagine he’s quite put out by you being annoyed about it tbh that’s probably why he ‘wasn’t feeling Well ‘- I’d be apologising to him for your childish behaviour asap

I think there’s kinder ways of getting your point across tbh

If people think that, I’m sorry but you’re mixing with an incredibly shallow crowd. It sounds like it’s you that needs to get off the social media - it’s entirely screwed with your value base. I have insta because I enjoy following several accounts, but I’ve never posted once. Seriously, please understand how trivial and ridiculous this all sounds. Why does he have to make a public announcement? Do you genuinely think that would signify relationship commitment?! Again, you’re looking in all the wrong places. Good luck.

I’d think a guy who put performative social media posts for attention was an absolute dickhead, tbh. I’d laugh if my husband engaged in such twattery.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

and you was frosty after all that because you didn’t get a social media post? Grow up that’s ridiculous, he wished you happy birthday in person why does he have to do a post just to prove to everyone else he’s said happy birthday. The fact you even asked about it is cringey

Strange he did not have a problem living his life on social media with his ex though, celebrating her birthday in full view?

Oh God, yes. The hyperbolic drivel (with accompanying crap punctuation & spelling).

"To our most perfect angel girl. You are every star in our sky and brighter than the moon. We are so in love with you already and you bless every day of our lives with your strength and spirit."

[perfect angel girl is actually a 14 week old foetus]

We have two couple friends who post on each other’s birthdays, all the hearts and flowers, and they are, without exception, the shakiest relationships of all the people we know. As far as I’m concerned, it’s performative and it can fuck off. (But I’m old, maybe this is How Things Are nowadays.)

@Hwi
He probably decided that social media is no longer something he is interested in.

I know not everyone, but quite a lot of people find those sorts of social media sugary pdas a bit cringe and embarrassing. Not to say other people don't enjoy them, or that there's anything wrong in them.

But personally, I'd find it embarrassing to post one of those because I'm a more private person. Sounds like your bf is too. I don't think it in any way reflects his feelings for you, especially if he went out of his way to make the day really special. It's not fair to ask him to day something he's uncomfortable with.

People change. It sounds as if he's matured and realised it's mainly bullshit and it's what you do in real life that counts.

Give your head a wobble OP, you are really being so utterly ridiculous, I was already thinking that when I saw your post whining that he’d not posted on SM, I’m even more convinced now that I’ve read that you think he should ‘delete insta’.
What planet are you on, you’re acting like a fourteen year old teenager, it really is time to grow up, or I imagine there’s a very good chance he will very soon head for the hills, that’s if he’s not gone already.

Oh shush. No need to be mean.

Maybe he’s grown up in the meantime.

It is possible to do all those things in person to make a birthday special AND post on insta surely? All my friends seem to have found men capable of it.

I just feel a bit pissed off but I’ll get over it 🙄

That’s what my colleague at work said earlier too, and she’s mid 40’s!

Absolutely possible. Necessary, no.

There’s a lot going on here but the thing that sticks out to me is that a performative social media post means more to you than his actions in the real world.

Online appearances, even to people you don’t even know, matter more to you than your real life relationships.

You have an obsession with his past relationship. Have you stopped to consider that maybe he learned some things from that relationship and has since grown up. That he’s come to understand that social media posts don’t matter, real life does, that positing about your relationship is for teenagers, not adults, that he cares about life’s highs and lows with you, not posing superficial bullshit.

Maybe consider that he’s matured more quickly than you. If you want an insta boyfriend maybe this isn’t the match for you.

You seem more concerned about other people's perception of your relationship than you are about how your DP actually feels about you.

Literally anyone can put a gushing post about their partner on insta. It requires zero effort, zero imagination, zero care and zero commitment. Let's be real here, when you post those things on socials you're not actually doing it for your partner. You're doing it because you want everyone to see it and think your relationship is great, that you're so happy and in love and that you're winning at life. But what actually makes a relationship great is how you treat each other in private. Your DP obviously gets that, and good for him for not playing the game.

Your DP planned a lovely, special day for you, but you couldn't enjoy it, and ultimately ruined it for yourself because you were so desperate for other people to validate your relationship. Doesn't that make you sad? It should.

Why does it matter unless you are 14

And she became his ex. It's extremely likely that (a) he's grown up and seen how utterly vacuous posting such things is and/or (b) he caved in for the ex and has learnt a valuable lesson as a result.

"You did x with her, why won't you for me?" is childish and doomed to failure.